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Thread: CV- I exist...

  1. February 16th, 2004, 03:19 PM #1
    Topic
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    CV- I exist...

    I exist...

    blue - Boy
    Red - grandpa

    What to grip...other then the image of my divine fibs
    Going through a shape shift...like a vortex on fine tips
    Reading through my old transpripts...thinking "do I exist"
    I thrust my fist...at any one who attemps to blame my lisp
    for not understanding me...i derserve an apology...
    I drop my pen in quantitys...lookin for modesty
    listining to harmony... i exsist...constantly

    "Grandpa...what do you have for me"
    "its a book kid...its somethen you gotta see..
    Ive been hearing you dont beleive..."     "what"
    "you know what i mean...your confused.." "probably"

    Im lost man...i dont know where i am, i can barely stand
    its like im concrete...but yet sinking through the land
    Who am i...I write because i like to lie...i dont cry
    the last time i told my self ide shed a tear...
    .....was when you died
    My minds fried...i repeat who am I

    "Im still hear...kid..." "Why do you still call me that"
    "Its my way of saying you do exist even if things go bad"
    "No you dont understand...things are better...
    then theyve ever been"
    "then whats wrong...if your going strong... "its not...
    that im going strong its that all my ive been caught...
    what am i hear for...i have the mind of an adult..but im a kid"
    "Then your asking me the truth huh... "Do I..." "You Exist"
    Last edited by Topic; February 16th, 2004 at 03:22 PM
    Scytsophrenia
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  2. February 16th, 2004, 03:23 PM #2
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    i couldnt get the ending to come out perfectly...sorry
    Scytsophrenia
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  3. February 16th, 2004, 03:28 PM #3
    Penskills
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    I like this...good story..I thought the ending was pretty decent..no need to fuss...you are a good storyteller...great imagery!

    Im lost man...i dont know where i am, i can barely stand
    its like im concrete...but yet sinking through the land

    ^I have felt like that many times!!!!! Good job!
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  4. February 16th, 2004, 03:43 PM #4
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    thanx man
    Scytsophrenia
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  5. February 16th, 2004, 09:37 PM #5
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    uppin for feedback
    Scytsophrenia
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  6. February 16th, 2004, 09:45 PM #6
    Steven William
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    yo topic this was tru illness man...
    very dope keep it up... Im lovin the
    imagery on this and the vocab
    wus tight... I got a good perspective
    to this from the imagery and vocab and
    it flow very well stay at it with the
    dopeness...
    and peep my 2 latest links in my sig...
    and probly ont he front or second page

    They are...
    ....Tragic..Death....
    and
    ....Tragic..Death....(II)
    ScytsoPhrenia
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    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
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  7. February 16th, 2004, 09:58 PM #7
    conquistador
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    you got skillz man...don't let nobody tell you different and I won't either
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  8. February 16th, 2004, 10:04 PM #8
    Steven William
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    i see you replied to part I of my story...
    if you didnt notice Part II is already up...
    ScytsoPhrenia
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    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
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  9. February 17th, 2004, 07:17 AM #9
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    ok man ill check it out...thanx
    Scytsophrenia
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  10. February 17th, 2004, 04:13 PM #10
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    why is this getting slept on again....upp this
    Scytsophrenia
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  11. February 17th, 2004, 04:28 PM #11
    ELEETE
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    I like this piece........it was real good.............you do a great job in telling the story on this piece........good job.......your imagery was great an the conversation back an forth between the boy an his grandpa was a nice touch...........great job

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  12. February 17th, 2004, 04:37 PM #12
    rule
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    ^^nice pic lol

    Good piece topic. i enjoyed the read. very unique I enjoyed the line about sinking through the land. very accademic and unique. a lot of good vocab good flow and a good consistant picture of emotion well done.
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  13. February 17th, 2004, 04:58 PM #13
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    thanx man
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  14. February 17th, 2004, 05:01 PM #14
    Mistral
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    I agree this was a real nice piece man....everything seemed to be good in this....the structure was good.....the flow in it was nice, it stayed on point through out the entire piece.....you had good vocab in this....overall a nice read....keep at it.
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  15. February 17th, 2004, 08:54 PM #15
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    thanx for the feedback...lets get a little bit more...tell me how to improve
    Scytsophrenia
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