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Thread: Personal Testament 3 (100 Bars, 1000 Words)

  1. #1
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Personal Testament 3 (100 Bars, 1000 Words)

    Personal Testament 1
    Personal Testament 2

    The beat accelerates as it goes on - you should be able to figure it out.
    I just started writing a few months ago so I'm looking for feedback - thnx.

    CHORUS: (2x)
    Don’t avert your ear as my words are spoken
    Tremble in fear ‘cause I’m certainly not jokin’
    Be stunned by what you hear but this is just a token
    The end draws near - the last god’s awoken.

    S…M…Z…

    Got y’all wonderin’ what that stands for
    ((Seraph Maverick Zenith)) a champion of yore
    Seraph for the divinity that’s masked at my core
    Maverick for the knee I won’t place on the floor
    Zenith because I’m perfection’s paramour
    On one proverbial hand a collector of lore
    On the remaining palm an avatar of war
    I combine ‘em to create a thing not seen before
    Then chastise mankind with this melodious roar
    And strike you six times with a four by four (six stanzas of sixteen)
    For following the beast and his voluptuous whore
    By breaking the oath which at conception you swore
    Exchangin’ worship for life at the celestial store
    Now you deify cash and place it at the fore’.

    Do you actually think this is the time to try to obtain more
    When tribulation’s comin’ worse than a forty-day downpour?

    I say I’m the best ’cause it’s a necessary tradition
    Necessary in one way it makes more fools listen
    If I didn’t the majority would never hear my fission
    So the desire for acclaim puts my sickness in remission
    And I’m undoubtedly sick with a rarely seen condition
    Known as intelligence the symptom’s this emission
    It’s said a thousand words is a kind of vision
    So using text to draw has become my present mission
    Weaving sounds ‘till I’m called the poetic arch-magician
    Rhymes so authoritative they’re referenced by edition
    I thrust my views abroad and other’s into submission
    So I deserve a crown - to refute that is sedition
    Lighting flashes before I speak - heed that premonition
    Persist in your defiance and you’ll require a mortician.

    ‘Cause you can test me by platoon, company, battalion, regiment or division
    I’ll still vanquish each opponent I never need a coalition.

    My sole purpose is to make you remember my name
    I’m not concerned with fortune but only with fame
    I’d rather have momentary glory than monetary gain
    The rewards are worth it so I persevere through pain
    Body riddled with splinters from traveling ‘gainst the grain
    They might reduce velocity but they can’t stop this train
    The ripples move outward like puddles receiving rain
    Hopefully for you things will never be the same
    ‘Cause my verbalizations leave a clearly visible stain
    On the neural pathways of a shrewd hearer’s brain
    Truthfully this couldn’t be a picture it’s only a frame
    The dye comes from you I’m simply the weathervane
    Pointin’ out the bearing which you should maintain
    I really hope you listen but I’m already free of blame.

    ‘Cause my robes have been made whiter than the purest cocaine
    Since I’ve washed them in the blood of the demons I’ve slain.

    Now I demonstrated my power let me show my agility
    I round the two out with natural born ability
    Then throw in precious wisdom for practical utility
    So you know battling me is an exercise in futility
    Always remember to approach me with humility
    Next bow - then kneel - lastly swear fealty
    Be a loyal vassal and I might share some realty
    Even mention your name within my soliloquy
    But I never show fear of men or devils
    Blessed with the faith of a loyalist facing rebels
    Willin’ to engage the enemy at all known levels
    At the mental state I remove clutch and brake pedals
    Thus eternally disrupting ignorance induced revels
    In the flesh I make foes dust and scatter rose petals
    ‘Cause I fight for king and country not for chest medals
    So you’ll always see my silhouette as the dust settles.

    Now I’m starting to rip faster so try to keep up
    Who’s really your master if your soul’s corrupt
    You’re heading for disaster and you still wan’na fuck
    Don’t cry to your pastor when you finally get stuck
    In that last narrow gate after the cramped path
    Take a look at your slate and you do the math
    You’re earning your fate so prepare for God’s wrath
    Now it’s almost too late for you to take a bath
    You’re saturated to the bone with blood and dirt
    Now you can moan but you should’a stayed alert
    By reading the holy tome your calamity to avert
    You want a time loan - that’s not the way it’ll work
    These rappers you admire aren’t even worth a cent
    If that number’s forty-nine higher it’s still irrelevant
    Why would you ever aspire to be a player or pimp
    I’m trying to be a survivor that’s why I take a hint.

    I’m denyin’ Death’s door like a monitor (Komodo dragon)
    That’s a surviving dinosaur still upon this shore
    Or maybe a man-at-war who’s tryin’ even the score
    Making y’all abhor the state of rap’s décor
    With hands covered in gore I’m the eternal matador
    Got infinite ammunition and custodial permission
    And the further addition of a divine commission
    To cause the abolition of every artificial Christian
    Then cosign them to perdition with no chance of petition
    For makin’ the decision to ignore this admonition
    To me it’s plain that your actions proclaim
    You feel no shame to be a descendent of Cain
    If you think in that vein you’ll never obtain
    The right to retain your domain on Earth’s terrain
    So play your game and prepare for the flame
    But this last line of mine is a sign of the divine mind behind the design of mankind.

    Now if you wish - you can refute the evident reality
    At least that - would suit your ignorant personality

    Screw it, play some Chingy and go have fun
    I’m weary of speakin’ to the deaf and dumb.

    CHORUS: (2x)
    Don’t avert your ear as my words are spoken
    Tremble in fear ‘cause I’m certainly not jokin’
    Be stunned by what you hear but this is just a token
    The end draws near - the last god’s awoken.
    Last edited by SMZ; February 10th, 2004 at 03:12 PM

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! MC FEET's Avatar
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    aite this was a good drop, very creative on the vocab
    structure stayed strong thought out, s'all good
    flow was good,
    but a big long but all good

    check out my song - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112106
    and the beat that goes with it -http://www.soundclick.com/bands/5/mcrussie.htm

    laterz

  3. #3
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Russie...

    No way did you read that...

    Im not even going to read it...

    SMZ... Please dont drop something this long in future... Nobody will read it...

    Try again...

    Pz...

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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! MC FEET's Avatar
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    yeah, cos u would know that wouldnt u,
    i need to pass sum time, so i did read it

  5. #5
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by .:FreemaN:.
    Russie...

    No way did you read that...

    Im not even going to read it...

    SMZ... Please dont drop something this long in future... Nobody will read it...

    Try again...

    Pz...
    What are you talking about? I've seen several others post extended rhymes - I just looked at several of Penskillz. A true mark of ignorance is a refusal to take new information in. How are you going to tell me to "try again" when you haven't read my shit? Why don't you start reading it - if it's bullshit then stop and say so, if it isn't keep reading and you might learn something.

    Thnx for feedback Mc_Russie I'll check out yours in a sec.

  6. #6
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    That told me...

    *Diss List now Updated*

    Congratulations... You made it...

    Read the first verse... This would be suited to garage... Not rap... Ive done garage for many a year... Lol... This would suit garage nicely...

    Well Done...

    OUT
    Last edited by Freeman; February 5th, 2004 at 11:16 AM

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  7. #7
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    yea shut up smz, who u think oyu are you only have 9 posts. when you hit 100 then you can start tellin vets what to do. blap. no beef tho :-)
    .

    -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-


    .

  8. #8
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    I took the time to read this...........an it was very good......the vocab was insane......some crazy lines........some i havent seen thought of.....Ex:
    I’m denyin’ Death’s door like a monitor
    That’s a surviving dinosaur still upon this shore--Interesting line!

    You have the vocab, i wonder what this would sound like an audio.....i bet itd be tight wit the right beat! peace!

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  9. #9
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Timeless I don't suck dick so when someone tells me my stuff needs work without reading it I get offended. And when I get offended I say something. I got no beef with Freeman or anybody - just want people to give me some feedback on my stuff.

    Freeman I wasn't trying to "tell you". Like I said I just want some feedback. So please stop acting like the soveriegn judge laying the smackdown on the newbie. I'd like to get better, since you said my verse sucks please explain to me how, so that I can improve instead of just telling me that it sucks.

  10. #10
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Never said that it sucked man...

    Read what ive wrote... This is suited to garage because of the rhyme scheme... That is not saying that it sucked... Garage is good... A should know... Lol...

    My advice for you is...

    Try a different rhyme scheme... Rhyme every 2 lines to start with... But not how you did in this piece... Reminds me of Garage so much... Lol...

    It had some nice concepts... But the rhyme scheme lets this one down...

    It seems to me... Maybe... Tha you used an online dictionary for this piece?
    Most of the words in that verse... They are not very common in conversation... Or in anything really...
    So did you use a dictionary or something?

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  11. #11
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    ^^^Freeman, I agree^^^

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  12. #12
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    yea, sorry i didnt mean to give ya beef, but dont lash out at people on here. i think its ok actually.

    peace
    .

    -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Doper Than You-


    .

  13. #13
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Nice to see you're using your rhyming dictionary...

    However, after reading the first stanza...

    I didn't want to continue reading what I see as a exercise in,

    "Look at all the big words I know"

    And...

    "Read about how great I am"

    This took the self prop verse to an all new low...
    All because you had way, way too much time on your hands.

    And you can ask around, I'm never this curt with feedback, but I feel you deserved it for the marathon of "me".

  14. #14
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    You crack me up man... Lol...

    Funny... Basically what a was trying to say... Except a was skipping around the point to much... Lol...

    Funny man... Pz

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  15. #15
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    It seems to me... Maybe... Tha you used an online dictionary for this piece?
    Most of the words in that verse... They are not very common in conversation... Or in anything really...
    So did you use a dictionary or something?
    I've always read alot so all those words are from my head. If I use a thesaurus it's to try to change structure after I've already written it. Meaning the rhymes are all from my head but the internal words might be from a thesaurus. But I don't use words I don't know.

    "Look at all the big words I know"
    That's not the intent. Rather I like to condense my material as much as possible. If one word can say what it would take several to do, then I'll use the one. ie: I could of said, "I did that because I like to put as much meaning as possible into each word as I can.", instead of saying "rather" and "condense".

    "Read about how great I am"
    This is an introductory piece. That's why it says my name, and then explains that name. The second verse explains why I came out like that right away. And the subject is much more about the need for people to elevate their minds, the pitiful condition of popular rap music and the fact that more people need to put their attention on God.

    I’m denyin’ Death’s door like a monitor
    That’s a surviving dinosaur still upon this shore
    You know I'm refering to a Komodo dragon right?

    Oh yeah and Freeman could you give me an example of the 2line rhyme scheme your refering to? And remember I'm new - so what's garage? Thnx.
    Last edited by SMZ; February 5th, 2004 at 03:03 PM

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