Corrupted Visions:R.H.Y.M.E
Last edited by Penskills; March 3rd, 2004 at 07:58 PM
..Fuckin uppin..
Stop uppin this..this should be READ!!!!..
This portion of the Broadcast was brought to you by:FUCK YOU REPLY!
..What the fuck????..No replies????
..This shit needs to be read!!!!
itz read itz shit
Originally Posted by white_niggaz
...
Ok check it...
Ok your first paragraph was like wow..a Lot of vocabulary to express yourself..
To many ION endings though…good so far..and unique..
“Deeply into cultural preservation like I'm a preservative
Conservative, ensuring all you cyber flowers have heard of it”
Well done opener…well put you made me as the reader understand..
Deep for a liner..
“I'm so prolific my cursors cursin it, so ill that doctors nursin it
So nice with acronyms, I get gassed like flatulence
Then patent it, so sick they padded my walls with mattresses”
A little miss spellings however nice metaphor and you kept flow..
“Flattery gets you everywhere, just visualize and mentally compute it
The most relative aspects and characteristics are 'beautiful' and 'stupid'
Globally disputed standards but none apply when I vocalize
The masses are unable to read your posts like faces exhibiting poker eyes”
Very ill with the illustration nice fam..nice scheme and flow..
Ok your whole piece was well done..interesting piece threw out..I have other qoutes but this board is acting slow I guess due to the reconstruction..very unique piece and all lines were well worded..
I don't know why heads sleep on pieces lihis...but yeah..great scripts..
peace..
yo man a shit load of nice fuckin lines in this piece, very sickly ill use of vocab and wordplay although your first verse I thought had to many big words in it took away from the flow but as for the rest of it it was down. flow, multi's, wordplay, structure, and your rhyme scheme was really good lots of complexity. keep up bro peace.
peep my collab with yaz called "Stories of Old" and leave some feedback plz it's gettin slept on bad, thanx in advance.
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>
<center>Corrupted Visions</center>
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
Act One:
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color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>
Words of Wisdom:
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color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>
very well written or should i say keyed... lots of vocab in there...
lot of ION endsing like said /\ but its all good
rhymin them words so much could make emcees turn pale... lol
nice job... reply to my open mics and battles...\/ in sig
_-SyaNidal-_
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
many quotables, packed with multis and complex vocab..your first stanza was the best to me..but thats just preference..it seems more..i dunno how to phrase it.. origional...more you!
*thinks stfu FanTa*
LMAO dope...
Def Poets
yo man dis was dope an all, had sum line i liked
alot but da vocabulary seemed a little forced an
ceribral, but overall it was fire
..thanks for the replies..Keep on coming..
think ya put to much vocab in it, as some othes have said, but with a bit of thinning out, rewording some of it... it would be good... a decent scheme and complexity.... yeah decent read... i few places could be improved.. but... any drop could be improved....
[youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
Damn I liked your flow in this real good flow and nice punchlines
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