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Thread: Corrupted Visions:"Words"(take your time and read..)

  1. #1
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Corrupted Visions:"Words"(take your time and read..)

    Words



    From L.A. to New York, there's too much pain to swallow
    From the projects to trailors parks it's too much pain to swallow
    yet i can't cry, cuz my heart still remains too hollow
    so i'm a make these words shed tears to display my sorrow

    Yo we slippin in an abyss where sinnin persists, why we livin like this
    shit nowadays men are hittin women wit fists
    and little children follow villains cuz they fathers is gone
    won't take on the obligation that they brought to this globe
    plus Eden's gardens have grown, into a zone where wrongs are sown
    filled wit moans of the atoned, as bombs are blown
    i stand all alone, gazin over the wholeness of society's motives
    we moldin coldness in our souls and live our lives like we frozen
    like we oblivious...to tragedy's agonies man i'm serious
    this is some dreary shit, the way that time pass by
    and we stay blind to this strife, as if we lookin through glass eyes
    yet cryin is somethin that i can't do
    cuz i've been hardened by this game and it's pain too
    so listen as i brang you....words that weep for my retained blues........ugh, check it, these are uncried tears..

    Indefinite portaits where forceps were the forces that began all my suffering
    excreting me from my cozy conditions into the light, where life does the smothering
    where wuthering winds of malice threw my cradle off balance
    puttin me in perilious situations to have my feelings becomin calloused
    til the foulest happenings of this planet aren't enough to stir tears
    birthed in years, where the worth of peers, is determined by the burst of cheers
    when you finally reach the red carpet in this cursed frontier
    my emotions are seared, by the flames of hell
    encasin this place, in which our races now dwell
    and the faces will tell, the tales, of tattered and beaten souls
    in the baddest stories told, about the wrath that leaves 'em cold
    the same havoc that's grasped my spirit to leave it broken in shambles
    we the most hopeless of animals, provoked into scandals
    gettin lost in the evil, til life as a whole is a gamble
    and my tear ducts are clotted fountains of pain, trapped in mountains of rage
    lookin down on a valley that's been drowned in the hate
    cry?, man i still can't...that's why i put emotions in ink and let 'em spill on this page..

    Wars for peace?.....man, that makes no sense
    support the ones who teach?....nah, that makes no cents
    provide a haven for needy?....politicians won't do it
    power and money?....common rich men won't lose it
    good homes for our children?....why?, when they a lost cause
    give the unemployed some jobs?....why? when illegal aliens work for a lower cost
    show sympathy for thy neighbor?....i think that that's an extinct fad
    violence and evil?....it appears that that's our distinct path
    i pray to god so much, i'm in need of some knee pads
    it makes me sad, the sinful axel on which, this world is turned
    and in my stagnant pits of pain, is where these words are churned
    the poison of uncried tears is why my soul is burned...ugh, now let these words weep..

    From L.A. to New York, there's too much pain to swallow
    From the projects to trailors parks it's too much pain to swallow
    yet i can't cry, cuz my heart still remains too hollow
    so i'm a make these words shed tears to display my sorrow
    Last edited by Penskills; March 18th, 2004 at 09:01 AM

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  3. #3
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    once again, niggaz can't fuck wit ya bredren

    stand all alone, gazin over the wholeness of society's motives
    we moldin coldness in our souls and live our lives like we frozen
    Anymore questions?

  4. #4
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gunman tha Great
    once again, niggaz can't fuck wit ya bredren

    stand all alone, gazin over the wholeness of society's motives
    we moldin coldness in our souls and live our lives like we frozen
    Anymore questions?
    thank you~thank you~thank you~
    anyone else~

  5. #5
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    yeah, nice drop..... seems like my sorta style a bit.... with the multis and the way you carry the rhyme.... the actual content, what you was saying was understood.... the vocab was decent, but would have really set it off, if there was a bit more.. like mine..lol.... but yeah good drop...pZ
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

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    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    had everything, many quotables, multis, complexity and an amazing scheme, you put it together well...i fully accept and understand what you were saying...

    dope..keep at it!
    Def Poets

  7. #7
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    ..Thanks for the replies...anyone else????

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  9. #9
    that shit is hot fa real. the only problem i got wit is that the second verse structure was bouncing back and forth... but still all ya bars wuz on some real. ya hook just complete the picture. im lovin the third verse by the way, it just finishes the whole peice. keep spittin drops like that. holla front


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  10. #10
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    this peice was ill dude...

    Better then the other shit I've read from you....

    From L.A. to New York, there's too much pain to swallow
    From the projects to trailors parks it's too much pain to swallow
    yet i can't cry, cuz my heart still remains too hollow
    so i'm a make these words shed tears to display my sorrow

    Nice...
    Overall I would give you an 8/10
    some lines lacked...felt forced in other words....
    but what you really put emotion into sounds great

    This song would be sick on audio...you should look into that

    (Please hit my sig up)!!!!!

  11. #11
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    ..Thanks for the replies..

  12. #12
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    This was some nice work. You had everything, and at the perfect amount. I liked to Quotables in there, and you had your own style in there. Good work, I havent seen your drops befor. But I plan to see more in the future... thanks for the reply in my thread...
    Keep Elevating

  13. #13
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    yea this was good...i think ya structure has Improved Since The Oter On I replied to...ya flow is still really good i think you FLow Looks Natural in Your Pieces When Most people Make it Look Like The have Tried So hard to get it to Flow....ya had a few Multis that made it pretty Good Man....any way Keep Elevaten In ya Structure and Ya Vocab...PeacE...

  14. #14
    Yeh this was nice...a good concept yet again
    I liked the structure of it and the matephor's...real nice

  15. #15
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    dont like it its 2 long

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