User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Time's Ticking Slowly

  1. #1
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6

    Time's Ticking Slowly

    Granddad

    As time ticks away i'm getting worse with each day,
    Condition deteriorates, there's not much left to say,
    My minds made up so whats the deal with the delay?
    Turn off the life support and just let me fade away,
    Can't take another heartache, can't survive another blow,
    So please God save me the trouble, can't go on feeling so low,
    Eternal journey's destination, sent to hell below, I'll go down smiling,
    Because i know thats what i've been praying fo',
    No disrespect, but lifes a pain in the neck,
    I've crawled round catious corners, never know what to expect,
    And now its took effect, i suspect that its my fault,
    Maybe i'm pesimistic, but i can't battle through life's assault!
    I'm tired now, i was young once and i had dreams,
    But soon they turned to nightmares, can't achieve them now it seems,
    My silent screams aren't enough to drown my sorrows,
    They tell me if i struggle through today, i'll come up trumps tomorrow,
    But i say no, because i feel i've been lightning struck,
    Won't give this world another chance; i've got my mind made up!

    God

    I know you've had a troubled life, but that cannot be changed,
    Its not like everything you did had all been pre-arranged,
    Lifes made for you to lead, and in the end its down to you,
    But take one look at all you had, all that you've struggled through!
    Why give up now? why lose it all? why not fight for better days?
    You get out of life what you put in, why not try to find a way?
    If you go now you'll never get to see your daughter grow,
    To see her lead a happy life, to watch endless smiles unfold,
    To see your son pass his exams, in the final year at school,
    To be reminded everyday, that somebody still loves this old fool!
    To seize the moment, capture laughter, hold it dear to your heart,
    But then, who am i to judge you,i don't decide the end..only the start.
    Def Poets

  2. #2
    Whitey Cracker Snowman Haywood Jewblomi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    UK
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,677
    Battle Record
    9-6
    I thought this was excellent. I really liked the use of a two point perspective, very refreshing to hear two sides to an argument. It handled the topic beutifully, with excellent use of vocabulary, and a stunning finishing line. The flow was good, and aided the general brilliance of the piece. I can't really think of anything that could aid you in getting better. Very nicely written piece.

    If possible, could you give my open mic some feedback? I'd really appreciate it.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...63#post1289263
    I'm surprised they didn't delete me ages ago...
    ...........Eat Shit and Die!
    ..................../
    ............:vanja:

  3. #3
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    hey thanks for that amazing reply! appriciated more than you know!
    Def Poets

  4. #4
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Fort Hood, TX
    Posts
    3,705
    Battle Record
    6-3
    Awards WOP Champion
    God verse was very nice, Grandad one was alright - flow seemed a little stuttery in the first verse but was on point in second - closer was dope - one thing I was wondering was you're talking about a Grandad so wouldn't his kids already be grown? - unless by "son" and "daughter" you meant "grandson", etc. - nice concept - keep writing - hit my Breathless if you can

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    I'm dead.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Hence Forward

Similar Threads

  1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my watch isnt ticking!!!
    By Oxymoron in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: June 30th, 2007, 08:51 AM
  2. Replies: 0
    Last Post: March 22nd, 2006, 11:34 AM
  3. Time Is Ticking
    By ExPlOsIvE in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: September 14th, 2005, 09:57 AM
  4. ticking time bomb
    By Bad Influence in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: September 14th, 2005, 01:25 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •