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Thread: inspirations chain

  1. #1
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    inspirations chain

    He gets inspired:

    He battles with crawling arms and is subdued
    wanting to pursue but his blows are so crude
    that he has no other resort but to withdraw
    so he goes home and lays his body in sprawl
    his mentality dying slowly like a diseased bird
    wings fluttering and bending in ways absurd
    it falls out of heaven and closes its eyes to rest
    dies and cries into the earth making a crest
    suddenly the creature is brought back to life
    it gets up, looks at the sky then begins to strife
    he reflects on his being and then he drops tears
    because since a kid he’s been addicted to beer
    so he stays up and really thinks about it
    his mind clouded and thoughts crowded
    a drink, he’s never gone a day without it
    I'll stop drinking!, to himself he shouted
    so he trotted the bottom of the dark city
    and he kept thinking about his mentality
    he came to a poor apartment building
    he stared in a window, saw a man beating
    a child, a toddler barely the age of five
    a mother running to the sound of a cry
    she shielded him from the fathers abuse
    but to a grim way, it was of no use
    so the coward man with bottle in hand
    beat the woman till she couldn’t even stand
    took the child and threw him against a wall
    he cried as his mother slowly crawled
    she picked herself up and stood by the child
    the coward continued to hurt with actions wild
    the scene of the unjust was to hard to bare
    so horrible that he could no longer stare
    the child, so bad did he want to help him
    but instead he ran and left them abandoned
    back to his hole where he would try and forget
    but that night was one that he will always regret
    as morning came he again passed the apartment
    a gruesome scene, he had a chance to part it
    but instead he has to witness the victims
    problems of life, and he coulda fixed 'em
    the boy was dead and so was the mother
    the man cried again at the thought of her
    he left the scene behind but it would always remind
    of the night of his life that he could have been kind...
    again back to his hole where he would wonder
    could he have helped if he was only a bit stronger?
    so the inspiration came to him in a strange way
    the plot of his destiny was set so damn stray
    he was inspired, he would now get a job
    he wouldn’t have to find someone to rob
    the mother inspired him for that
    he became an officer and moved up the ranks
    he became a great man with great strength
    now he would have the greatest of friends
    he helped many people and saved many souls
    suddenly it didn’t seem so hard to overcome obstacles
    he thought of others and his heart grew in size
    as a sacrifice to the poor child’s demise
    to his life, the mother and child made a great part
    because the coward was the one he fought from the start.......

    this was written for a topical battle but i still wanted to see wat yall thought of it.
    murder murder

  2. #2
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    cmon, some one has to give me sum feedback...uppin
    murder murder

  3. #3
    That's Right...I'm White Verbatim's Avatar
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    that was a pretty good peice, i only read bout half it, cause it was to long for me haha, but what i read was pretty good, vocab was pretty good, and it flowed nicely. keep it up and keep elevation, look forward to seein some more from you

    peace
    Last edited by Verbatim; January 12th, 2004 at 05:16 PM

  4. #4
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    oh, i was hoping ppl would read it all. i think that if ppl would read it all that they would find it a better piece. peace
    murder murder

  5. #5
    .Angelic. shawty"B"'s Avatar
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    yo i really like this...i did read it all the way thru and i liked it alot.... how long did this take yah 2 make? its really a gud peice that can prove a point.

  6. #6
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    uppin, i think more ppl might enjoy reading this..
    murder murder

  7. #7
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    please, can some one read this. Its not that long and I'd repay the favor to anyone, im sure ppl have 2 mins to read my poem and give me feedback. I will go through everyone's poems and reply if i have too, just please sum one give me your opinion.
    murder murder

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