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Thread: gambling hearts

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    gambling hearts

    A heart placed on the card table,
    Bet out for the next hand,
    He was sure he would win,
    But the winners always had their day
    When everything went wrong,
    When the losers won
    And all was lost
    Even the heart of the one he loved.

    Thou he did not know it,
    But that heart had been stone cold,
    Even thou the face still smiled
    There was no fire burning there.
    He had placed his love on the line
    Which pulled the last thin string,
    Now no longer was she mute
    Or a puppet in his play.

    The strings had frayed before,
    But they had managed to hold on.
    Yet this time it was different,
    She never wanted to go back.
    It hurt to move on alone,
    Still she picked up her feet
    And tried to vanish from his sight,
    From the hateful eyes that made her bleed.

    Away from all her past she went
    To somewhere she’d never been,
    Caught hold of a young mans name
    One you said he’d see her throu,
    Not wanting to get hurt again
    But longing for some love,
    She took a chance and a tiny step
    And found herself in love.

    A man who didn’t gamble hearts,
    Didn’t lie, cheat or steal,
    Truthful to her he was
    And managed to help her heal.
    He does not know how much he helped,
    Nor has he even imaged,
    So for how he loved the one he loves
    I love for loving me


    Dedicated to Warren E

    ~Tera~
    Last edited by Spoken; January 15th, 2004 at 09:02 AM
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Is Gettin' Busy. Orikle's Avatar
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    That was fucking dope...I'm serious ay haha...not many things make me go YEAH! on this site so to get a compliment off me is tops! haha...

    "It hurt to move on alone,
    Still she picked up her feet
    And tried to vanish from his sight,
    From the hateful eyes that made her bleed."

    That was quite nice there...It was just very consistent...nothing very corny at all...well written...Imagery was full on...good on ya..you've done well...Hit my piece up for me ay..."I Always Leave My Lights On"...Cheers...Props & Pz...
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  3. #3
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    thanks for the reply!

    ~Tera~
    DONT HATE
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  4. #4
    *Daughter of 00* DthsMissingAngel's Avatar
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    This was a very heartfelt piece. I loved it. It showed pure emotion and feelings. The flow was great and the imagery was superb. Kind of speechless. Great job ma. Keep it up

    *(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
    «´¨`·..* SwEeT PeA *..·´¨`»
    *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*

  5. #5
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    damn, again, u make another great poem. i liked it alot, mostly becouse of the similes and metas. the imagery didnt really get me that much becouse it was mostly similes and metas. vocab was very well done with good words that i could understand and ones that i liked. the message was very well made and was felt fresh even tho it is kinda a regular topic. still powerfull though. great, id give the poem an 8.5 outa 10, but hey thats just me, keep writing and keep showing us those skillz.

    -GG-
    murder murder

  6. #6
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    This was a good flip type poem. the way you started this i didn't expect it tobe a 'thank you' type thing. but you stayed on topic well and brought together great stanzas. you had a good sence of imagination for this and it worked well the vocab and structer was well done and very desriptive...i enjoyed this read a lot.
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Smooth JT's Avatar
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    Damn... This was deep hun. Your emotion was full blown through out the whole poem and it basically makes me speechless. Much respect, JT
    "Leave your feedback on the page because only the peanut gallery is welcome here"

    "You laugh at me bacause i'm different but I laugh at you because your all the same"

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    thanks for all the replies guys! love to you all lol

    ~Tera~
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    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
    Prevailed Rue
    Guest
    You are so dope. great piece. nice twist. at the end. very cool. like my periods.
    anyways...this had great imagery and emotion i was really clinging to every word you said...wel ldone heart felt

  10. #10
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    yes thank you all for your replies! much appreciated

    ~Tera~
    DONT HATE
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  11. #11
    ~Returning a Favor~

    This was simple, It kept in the idea of what you wanted to express on most points. Not really eye popping But nice Drop. Good work.

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    Just like It Is

  12. #12
    Sleepwalker
    Guest
    "A man who didn’t gamble hearts,
    Didn’t lie, cheat or steal,
    Truthful to her he was
    And managed to help her heal."


    who ever isnt reading this is realy missing out on some true shit..

    very well put together..very very good..

    pZ..

  13. #13
    yea i agree,
    this peice was real good,
    and i usually dont say that,
    to a lot of peices,
    i felt the meaning in this peice,
    and it definitly kept me on point,
    and kept me reading,
    actually i read this 2 times in a row,
    and i hardly ever do that, lol,
    this had good imagery,
    and a good twist to the story,
    overall i give this a 8.5/10, props.

    hit up my peice called " A Daughter Of Eve "

    thanx.
    peace.

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    The Creation!

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