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Thread: xGutterxChristx

  1. #1

    xGutterxChristx

    brass knuckles and studded head wounds
    chew the guts of busted pews
    -where the stares split the prayers
    that now reside under the cellar stairs.

    the vomit spills through her fingers
    onto the flimsy pages,
    until it soaks down to the cover-

    it's been a long,
    long fucking night.

    under the reek of rotting cattle
    that stained the chain holding her rosary beads
    between her pushed up tits
    below the slutty biker jacket
    -where the body of Christ could sneak a peak,
    the alter bit her knees
    as she touched the velveteen
    and she grinned her tar filled teeth.

    the crucifix sat on the floor face down
    -he doesn't want to see us like this,
    so he can look the fuck away.

    her knuckles wore more scars
    and rotten scabs then her dirty heart
    did beneath the tattoos on her crass
    -one too many broken edges from just the right
    amount of stabs to the back;
    better to let the vitals blister over
    than let them eat another dagger

    -sorry Jesus,
    this one aint yours.

    she takes too many sips of wine
    to handle the next set of prayer,
    because she cant cross her legs
    unless the beer bong
    and last night's fuck subside.

    her knees still in the music-
    beat the shit out of each other
    as she tries to stand
    another movement-
    her stomach spits the mosh pit
    across the confessional
    and hell fills her steps.
    as the combat boots rip the tiles off the floor
    before her bullet belt
    fills their heads with a vision
    of true religion!

    -and as Jesus eats the asphalt
    her boot looses tread
    and his head slips off the curb
    before her jagged words rip apart his head;

    his hair sweeps his pale white face-

    and as she spits in it,
    his tears smear the paint that raped
    her mother and slit her brothers wrists.
    dirty brown baby under the tread,
    another curb to crush-
    one for the punx
    before body of Christ was beaten,
    til' it bled all over the streets-
    and washed away unmarked graves-

    that dragged with them the mask
    he wore as he hung the nation
    in blind faith drowning below the slave ship!

    and he gazed at her gutter mouth,
    bound with steel and barbed wire-
    car tire tread for a weathered face
    that wore like 'slut'
    on the stage of a neo-nun
    -that had begun to lead the way.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: xGutterxChristx

    I really liked the concept man, it was original and refreshing. As always, it was very dark and almost humerously morbit. ANd i must say i loved it! THe only part i can find that i didn't like wording wise was "ripped apart his head" it just sounded off to me in my mind... i think it would have sounded better if it had been ripped his head apart... that's just a personal thing though, not a flaw in your writing. I loved the contrast between the very poetic, almost snob like language, and then straight to the trashy wording of "aint" i thought that added a lot of light and shade to the piece and gave it a nice depth in tone... i love the voice you were using... very strong and controlling. you pretty much had me gripped man. nice job.

  4. #4

    Re: xGutterxChristx

    youre pretty.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
    rockNroll Märtyr's Avatar
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    Re: xGutterxChristx

    brass knuckles and studded head wounds
    chew the guts of busted pews
    -where the stares split the prayers
    that now reside under the cellar stairs.
    creative and interesting way to decribe that you have lost faith, although I may be misintepertating the overall message.
    the vomit spills through her fingers
    onto the flimsy pages,
    until it soaks down to the cover-

    it's been a long,
    long fucking night.

    under the reek of rotting cattle
    that stained the chain holding her rosary beads
    between her pushed up tits
    below the slutty biker jacket
    -where the body of Christ could sneak a peak,
    the alter bit her knees
    as she touched the velveteen
    and she grinned her tar filled teeth.
    descriptive.
    the crucifix sat on the floor face down
    -he doesn't want to see us like this,
    so he can look the fuck away.
    this is interesting.. how you worded this that is.

    her knuckles wore more scars
    and rotten scabs then her dirty heart
    did beneath the tattoos on her crass
    -one too many broken edges from just the right
    amount of stabs to the back;
    better to let the vitals blister over
    than let them eat another dagger
    very descriptive and clever

    -sorry Jesus,
    this one aint yours.

    she takes too many sips of wine
    to handle the next set of prayer,
    because she cant cross her legs
    unless the beer bong
    and last night's fuck subside.

    her knees still in the music-
    beat the shit out of each other
    as she tries to stand
    another movement-
    her stomach spits the mosh pit
    across the confessional
    and hell fills her steps.
    as the combat boots rip the tiles off the floor
    before her bullet belt
    fills their heads with a vision
    of true religion!
    best lines thusfar. I enjoyed how you worded this so much!

    -and as Jesus eats the asphalt
    her boot looses tread
    and his head slips off the curb
    before her jagged words rip apart his head;
    leaves you with suspense

    his hair sweeps his pale white face-

    and as she spits in it,
    his tears smear the paint that raped
    her mother and slit her brothers wrists.
    dirty brown baby under the tread,
    another curb to crush-
    one for the punx
    before body of Christ was beaten,
    til' it bled all over the streets-
    and washed away unmarked graves-

    that dragged with them the mask
    he wore as he hung the nation
    in blind faith drowning below the slave ship!

    and he gazed at her gutter mouth,
    bound with steel and barbed wire-
    car tire tread for a weathered face
    that wore like 'slut'
    on the stage of a neo-nun
    -that had begun to lead the way.

    This piece is fucking awesome. Just so clever and cunning.. theres really noway to decribe the piece without being clique so im going to leave without saying much.
    Legion of Kings.

  6. #6
    rockNroll Märtyr's Avatar
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    Re: xGutterxChristx

    hit the link in my sig please
    Legion of Kings.

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: xGutterxChristx

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-356168.html
    ^^
    hit that atti


    but this here was a very well nice read man... your concept in this was spectac...ya know it wasnt blown out of proportion in anyway and you dropped with finesse to your own wording and word usage man... the story in this was a nice read and kept my head up all the way through and i was happy to read this man...seeing as i have not read anything lately this was just a nice read and the whole situation with this was a nice way to climax the story man... you started strong rom start to finish man... some stories dont get there til the middle were its exciting but through start to fiinish it was justa nice read and i really enjoyed your write and expect to see more form you even though you have already done so much man.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

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