10 lines, due in 24 hours.
DarkManX187
Swift Shifty
10 lines, due in 24 hours.
You first
Yo,this my first battle,but I peeped his game
first thing that came to mind was that this dude is
Lame
I'm thinkin yo,there's no way I could lose this game
Bitch,you step to me you could lose your brain
And get turnt into a stain,fuck boi I bring the pain
I'm a much more potent strain
and when you rhyme you seem to strain
Thinking up one line gets you drained
you all see how I body bagged swifty
now I'm bout to leave the scene,clean and swiftly
Well I know you ain't a murderer, yet you're reppin' that 187
So it must be a reference to your hourly wage at 7/11
I'm a huge fan of this dude, he bodied Vinzr and wrote some dope Open Mics...
Psych, your punches wouldn't have anyone thinkin' dam if they referenced a dike
Your rhymes wouldn't even be sharp if they were televised on Spike
Shit, I wouldn't even do a collab with you for a fuckin' Klondike
Notice how I didn't add the B-A-R, that was a reference to this fag's lack of bars
It was also a reference to the fact that he's always droppin' soap bars
When it comes to rap, it's clear you ain't gonna make it very far
You'd have a better chance gettin' run over by a car and comin' out unscarred
nothing
vs
slightly more than nothing
i couldnt find a quotable for either. Darkman still has no idea how to throw even a mediocre punch...swift you're better than darkman, but thats not saying much. youre setups have no relevance to your punchlines, and the punchlines themselves still dont have a whole lot of impact. look in LLL for better ways to make a punch. the setup is a very important aspect of a punch. no hate.
v/swift shifty
Well weak battle here No hate intended.
DM
U really need to work on the punch category like creativity and personals even try using metaphores man. Im not trying to hate on you but i think there is a battle tips forum on here that might help or there alot of catz on here that would be glad to give u some pointers. u get the basics of it u just need more sting.
Swifty
U were there but wording was ur issue which made ur punches lack impact.
The line i guess that won this for me was.......
Your rhymes wouldn't even be sharp if they were televised on Spike
Shit, I wouldn't even do a collab with you for a fuckin' Klondike
thought it was direct and funny
If u come off like that in all ur lines u have a good chance of wiining most ur battles. Most people like humor in battles u had a couple personals but they lacked sting. Try using nameplay or creativity on the metaphorical status.
V/ Swift
absolutely notta
vs.
Notice how I didn't add the B-A-R, that was a reference to this fag's lack of bars
It was also a reference to the fact that he's always droppin' soap bars
When it comes to rap, it's clear you ain't gonna make it very far
You'd have a better chance gettin' run over by a car and comin' out unscarred
both need to be alot more creative in their lines. no punches. swift those lines i quoted were very generous because it was really average. both need better punches and better opening/closing lines and both need to elevate, no hate.
v - swift
Yo,this my first battle,but I peeped his game
first thing that came to mind was that this dude is
Lame
I'm thinkin yo,there's no way I could lose this game
Bitch,you step to me you could lose your brain
And get turnt into a stain,fuck boi I bring the pain
I'm a much more potent strain
and when you rhyme you seem to strain
Thinking up one line gets you drained
you all see how I body bagged swifty
now I'm bout to leave the scene,clean and swiftly
practically nothing
vs.
Well I know you ain't a murderer, yet you're reppin' that 187
So it must be a reference to your hourly wage at 7/11
I'm a huge fan of this dude, he bodied Vinzr and wrote some dope Open Mics...
Psych, your punches wouldn't have anyone thinkin' dam if they referenced a dike
Your rhymes wouldn't even be sharp if they were televised on Spike
Shit, I wouldn't even do a collab with you for a fuckin' Klondike
Notice how I didn't add the B-A-R, that was a reference to this fag's lack of bars
It was also a reference to the fact that he's always droppin' soap bars
When it comes to rap, it's clear you ain't gonna make it very far
You'd have a better chance gettin' run over by a car and comin' out unscarred
Hmm. Not very good punchs... But better than DarkMan
I'm a huge fan of this dude, he bodied Vinzr and wrote some dope Open Mics...
Psych, your punches wouldn't have anyone thinkin' dam if they referenced a dike
fvgt swifty
darkman you need to make your bars more witty, punchlines are the same thing as in jokes
and swift you need to get a little more creative, and some ya bars were super stretched
and both of you need to make your rhyme scheme bigger, but not bad for starters, jsut keep at it
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