User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    Sunflowers [A Song for Her]
    By: Nash






    Sunflowers... an everlasting field of
    them will never have power over this
    one. not a single growing, sunlight
    getting, rain sipping one of them can
    match the love this ONE has for me.
    Nor could it ever hold weight to the
    feelings that I return.


    Pedals graze my cheek...
    so beyond belief they cannot speak,
    as the lips of its center touches on
    my teeth. I cannot breathe, the texture
    is far too great... and I can't relieve or
    rid myself of these things [though I'd
    never want that].
    My skin interlocks,
    holding high speculation and a regard
    to her heart [and yes you heard right]
    the gorgeous flower has a gender.
    I'll never pretend her beauty is ever
    greater than another; she's the sacred
    promise my ventricle's ends have given
    to its lover... she, my flower, is but the
    blood to my veins. with this love song,
    I'm the speech to her brain. I'm the
    cold relief to her flame when the sun
    is too hot... a flower is but a flower,
    but I'll tell you who's not - she'll never
    wilt, wither, or decay; she'll never lose
    her color or phade. she carries a lush
    taste no bee could steal away. she
    makes it through the winter nights,
    dry sunshines, and hard rains. her
    strength's amazing, her stem's shape
    sends me craving for a sweet honey
    taste, or dew drops from her leaves
    crashing down on my face. instead
    of pollen, she makes love for me in
    its place.



    Wording things differently...
    this is how I'd speak:


    She's the pollen, and I'm her bee,
    she's the air my flower breathes,
    I'm the rain, she's the pedal -
    and I'm her sunlight above the trees.
    this greenhouse is a lovers scene,
    but we'll need no shade for covering.
    while she inhales the sun and rain -
    I breathe in her love and smothering.



    And ONE sunflower has become my song,
    because no others sing.



    I love her, and she loves me.

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    12,432
    Battle Record
    21-3

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    Wow..I almost Cry'd while reading this..lol..but this was dope...I loved the metaphoric transistion's...that you used here..you basically painted the picture of one loney flower in the midst of hundreds..and you did it in a way that seemed to be simple yet effective...The beginning stanza basically prepared you for the emotion that was about to take place while reading the piece..
    Sunflowers... an everlasting field of
    them will never have power over this
    one. not a single growing, sunlight
    getting, rain sipping one of them can
    match the love this ONE has for me.
    Nor could it ever hold weight to the
    feelings that I return.
    That part really seemed to set the tone for me as a reader..I was like O'K..where's he's going with this..and the way you portrayed the emotion in this small part was nice..very nice..

    she'll never
    wilt, wither, or decay; she'll never lose
    her color or phade. she carries a lush
    taste no bee could steal away. she
    makes it through the winter nights,
    dry sunshines, and hard rains. her
    strength's amazing, her stem's shape
    sends me craving for a sweet honey
    taste, or dew drops from her leaves
    crashing down on my face. instead
    of pollen, she makes love for me in
    its place.
    reading up to that part was kindofa thrill ride of an emotional bases..I mean..emotion was IMO your strong point in this piece..and the imagery really helped you convey that to the reader..your wording was nice/on point..nothing seemed to be out of place or unneccessary..and I just basically loved how descriptive you were with every aspect of imagery..it really made for one fun and understanding read..the way you even made the story unfold @ the end I thought at first was a bit on the cliche side..then I re-read it and said..FUCK YEAH..i prolly would've done the same thing so it made more sense..overall this was one hellofa drop..so props...NOM'd..RTF BISH..


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...oy-368638.html

    Last edited by Ntalek; May 28th, 2008 at 03:16 PM

  4. #4
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Brynston - South Africa
    Posts
    2,956
    Battle Record
    4-10

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    Man have you ever done gardening? Lol... This piece right here is dope my dude.
    Unfortunately it can't be nom'd twice. Your tack on this was what interested me
    most. Giving the sunflower lady qualities and a sense of attachment between the two of you helped this piece go a long way. Your witty descriptions and wordplay made this really come to life and there she lay in my head. The emotion was just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

    Plz RFT!
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368724.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-369130.html
    Last edited by Soul Slayer; May 29th, 2008 at 03:17 AM

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    tip top.

  6. #6
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    801
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    This was a pretty strong piece man. I think you're one of the more underrated writers on this site. Like, you've been doing your thing forever and sometimes you dont get the props you deserve. I really like poems about nature and shit. Alot of the times your language was very simple but it wasn't really an issue: in fact, it kind of jived with the whole idea of 'back to the basics nature.' The emotion also really came through in this piece. Please hit up my piece "Raja's Life on the Mountain." Its gotten hella slept on!

  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    yeah, I'll hit it up when I can.

  8. #8
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Nairobi, KE
    Posts
    601
    Awards Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    Yap. Lovely scene man. the different layout u used was really interesting(not having a complete phrase/sentenese per line). Thats something Ive learnt from PS and it makes my writting realy easier.
    I liked the idea. I guess u feel lucky.

    ('Im the rain and she's the petal', I think.)

    check out 'Blind poetry'

  9. #9
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-370005.html
    Hit that for me.



    This was dope, I want you to be motivated like this in our SS battle man. What has been said, leaves nothing else to say about the piece itself. Very motivated read. Loads of emotion in this man. Wording was straight forward and in the end... I've very little to say. Dope piece. Keep writing.

  10. #10
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    cool, get links later tonight...

  11. #11
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    801
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    RTF you butthole!

  12. #12
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    I will you vage....

  13. #13
    Newbie lyrically pieces's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Age
    39
    Posts
    24
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

    definately a great piece! the vocabulary, the words you chose. excellent!
    lyrically pieces - a.k.a. b.boi.pieces

Similar Threads

  1. whats that akon song techno song called
    By delfer in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: December 26th, 2009, 04:19 PM
  2. Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 17th, 2009, 06:33 PM
  3. Ugh.. Song lyrics to Song Title and Artist.
    By D.C.V. in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: October 5th, 2006, 03:35 PM
  4. Replies: 17
    Last Post: May 26th, 2005, 03:44 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •