from the small of your back

[spokenoh]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...683/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...883/index.html

[spokenoh]

. . .

[Phoenix.]

This was worth the read. The emotion in this was the best thing about the poem. The vocabulary and phrasing was also great. I loved the second to last stanza, the vampire simile was pretty cool as well as the set up of the september scarf. Overall a thoroughly enjoyable read, all the stanzas were well written and this was just pretty damn awesome in my opinion and people should stop sleeping. Could you return the favour if you get chance also. 8/10

Composition Of "My Soul"

[obseqious]

agree with kat that the emotion really set off this poem, complimanted by sinmple truths are always best in my book...emotion good, vocab good, structure was fullfilling mets where ok the body was a little of balance but thats only lookwise,

[abiona]

Definitely felt this. You can tell it came from the heart. It's obvious from the way you talked about 'her' that she means a lot to you. Small, specific details make the difference between a general piece and one that speaks of something or someone on a very personal level. I don't even want to speak to the mechanics of it, structure, etc... because you can see that it came from pure emotion.

and hold your head like an infant
in my hands, learning

I loved this. The image was so perfect... your hands cupping her face, looking with wonder like an infant that wants to learn everything about the new world before him. Not sure if you meant it that way... but I dug it.

from your messy hair, I understand
why we don't care about what others
see, and I appreciate you
from the scar on your shoulder,
we're back in the hospital, holding
hands nervously as I tell you
you can't have the cancer,
because we have the rest of our
lives to love each other

Loved this as well. From the first few lines you can see how openly and honestly you love... and from the rest, how deep that love is.

and this...

if I ever see you again, looking at me
vulnerable and naked as Sunday
pierces through the dark, I will
teach you with my hands,
everything you need to know
and all you deserve,
that I love you
and need you

...was just great. Sweet. Innocent and vulnerable, yet so expressive of your feelings. I wish I wrote that... or had it written for me. lol.

Overall I really enjoyed this. It's nice to see a guy express himself so honestly and openly. I hope you see her again too.

[LiL'LADiE]

This was good, it had alot of emotion in it..almost seemed like the readers were actually their.The structure was their & the vocab was on top..i liked the peom alot!

[spokenoh]

thanks for the replies everyone, it's one of many written for someone who means a whole lot to me.

[skagirl21]

wow this was really good. you can tell it was written from the heart and is really powerful...my fave part is the 1st 2 paragraphs. it was very romantic and definately touching. who ever you wrote this for is 1 lucky lady!!

[spokenoh]

Thanks, but I'm the lucky guy actually, and a pretty girl thinks so too

[spokenoh]

This is for a girl who's always in my heart, but I'm realizing these poems are personal, and the next time they're read at all will be me reading them to her. It's either that or nothing. Thanks.