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Thread: Slain

  1. #1
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Slain

    Slain

    I've dreamed of this night
    For many a year, pondering
    Playing out this wicked bout
    a chessboxing match
    between a man i deeply respect
    But my time is now


    The story began here...

    I stared into his eyes, he glared, so solemn
    I remember the iris, speaking in a tone
    humorous yet solemn
    some great enigma
    His voice just as mysterious
    As that sly, chilled expression
    Trembled softly
    Yet quaked the stone walls
    of this my place of teaching
    In my time i learned the inner workings
    Of my mentors masterpieces
    Felt as he felt and saw as he saw


    And i saw...


    Golden skies
    complimented by platinum bordered clouds
    The beauty of fear, And the hideousness of courage
    A world rotating on a horizontal axis
    A miniature discus in the sea of Olympia
    Our heavenly demise
    AN eyeless God
    laying motionless on a dying comet.


    I was altered...


    My mentor had touched the bases of my mind
    and infected my heart with a doubt
    That led to an ultimate knowledge


    I praised him...


    Why not? He has tought me all that he know
    Every secret of this universe
    The hilarity of a divine comedy
    The irony of a sacrament
    How hate and love
    are one in the same

    Everything, every written word
    every sly smile
    The chuckle at a turn of phrase
    I OWE
    to him

    My debt was too great to pay
    It haunted me
    My conscience, an omnipresent poltergeist
    Possessing me to remember always
    The hours prior to enlightenment
    It ripped at me
    Tore reality asunder
    The black hole in my life
    Sucked in my reasoning


    Then it all occurred...

    On the anniversary of my mentors greatest teachings
    I took up blade against him
    and a fierce battle did commence
    A war i won, unfairly so
    I blinded him with my cunning
    He lay in bed
    eyes shut when i took his life
    The true battle was my conscience
    against myself
    Blood lay thick on my palms
    A legend of the times SLAIN
    Baffled by my ignorance
    I thrust the sword of guilt
    into my worthless gut
    The wound deep, remains until this day
    The rain burns it,
    salty tears from disappointed archangels
    The debt i couldn't repay got the best of me
    I hear them sing
    before they bring the sun to blind me
    And i stumble about the beaten path
    Lonesome and afraid


    Because of that night...
    The night Baron P. Mortuus lay Slain

    AI

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  2. #2
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Slain

    links for this also

  3. #3
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Last edited by Truth Iscariot; September 8th, 2009 at 07:16 AM

    AI

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  4. #4
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Slain

    Bump

    AI

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  5. #5
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    Re: Slain

    This was a deep drop, I loved the creativity you put into this,
    imagery was crazy. I fully understood ever part you was pointing
    out and enjoyed each part..Real good diea to do something like this.
    .Props....Overall Nice drop and keep it up, although poems get
    slep on i will be sure to keep peeping yours. Keep it up....

  6. #6
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Slain

    Thanks

    AI

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  7. #7
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Slain

    bump

    AI

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  8. #8
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Slain

    I did enjoy this read....
    The sentence structure and language used was consistent and worked well for the poem. You personified a lot of things, which is normal for you, but you did it a way that really struck the reader... like somehow the abstract image made sense.
    The topic itself was interesting and perfect for the drop. I loved how this poem kind of went in and out of deep trances of imagery... I cant explain it but it just worked. Its you pondered a concept of the story and then stopped pondering to move forward in the narrative. Whatever it was, I liked it.
    The only issue I see is making 'SLAIN' in all caps and the lack of punctuation. But it didnt take from the piece so it didnt bug me.
    Good writing from you truth

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