.:Sinz:. vs It's Just Dj.

[Tragedian.]

16-36 Lines.
House Rules.
Due an hour from check.

Topic:
Bad Marriage

[Tragedian.]

chizzeck.

[.:Sinz:.]

Check
G'l

[Tragedian.]

Why Dont You Love Me?

...We started with flowers, powered by a bliss
The dust shower'd as it got sour by the kiss
She was a coward when it came time to exsist
Even as she got louder, she was hard to resist

The sex is crazy, I mean...she never complains
But she doesn't move at all, I think she's insane
It's driving me mad! I'm so glad we can work out
I punish you daily, and yet you never shout out
Is this love? I hope so. Your perfect in every way
I'm so glad I get to see you, hold you - every day

But there's a problem...we fuck. You never scream
You don't even move in bed, must be those dreams
But it seems as of lately, baby you're falling apart
How many times must I have to re-tape your heart
I've never broken it...and I'll hold it......for all my life
Start talking to me - you dont seem much like a wife
It doesn't seem right ... open you're eyes - baby!
Oh, so this is whats it like ... to date a dead lady.

"...We started with flowers, powered by a bliss
The dust shower'd as it got sour by the kiss
She was a coward when it came time to exsist
Even as she got louder, she was hard to resist"






A quick 10 min piece, good luck.

[.:Sinz:.]

Story About A Rose

So here’s a story about a lady with pain in her past
Cuz she happened to marry someone a pain in the ass
An’ she went through it all, living the life of a mistress everything came fast
Making love, she wouldn’t consider it that, something more like a rape act
Two little kids, the reason why she stayed with his ass
Her brother put her to this, he made her make a vow, he made her marry a motherfucker basically fowl
She never had a choice, all she can do is vow, open her eyes an’ POW
While the beatin an’ pushin, shovin an’ eating the cushion got into a regular habit
She sat back an’ took it, proving she can do it, now thinking about it
He had no remorse for her health; all he cared for was the fame an’ the wealth
He gave her the definition of hell; he gave her unforgivable pain something like a poisonous spell
But the bond with her kids finally gave her the strength to step up an’ raise a fist
Now her mind is set bright something like a shining crucifix
She had enough of the swings, so she packed her bags an’ left with her kids under her wings
The dark world is off her shoulders, the nightmare is over
Now she can bloom from a seed to a full bloomed red rose
Now that she’s gone I realize that I became what I feared to be the most
My fathers spiting image, in other words the devils evil host
I fallowed in his foot steps, I turned out to be the loser in this book text, dear god what’s next? Pain is was left in my chest
When I stare at my son its like I’m staring at death, I’m left without a breath
But what can I do? It’s hard to change your essence when they run in your veins
Especially when their black tar taint, it pores when it rains, yes it’s true
My life is done, its threw, an’ this is my final apology to you

[.:Sinz:.]

yeah their a little streched out but its my style
i need to work on that but uppin

[.:Sinz:.]

uppin for feed/votes

[ramcees]

Why Dont You Love Me?

...We started with flowers, powered by a bliss
The dust shower'd as it got sour by the kiss
She was a coward when it came time to exsist
Even as she got louder, she was hard to resist

The sex is crazy, I mean...she never complains
But she doesn't move at all, I think she's insane(filler)
It's driving me mad! I'm so glad we can work out
I punish you daily, and yet you never shout out
Is this love? I hope so. Your perfect in every way
I'm so glad I get to see you, hold you - every day

But there's a problem...we fuck. You never scream
You don't even move in bed, must be those dreams(filler)
But it seems as of lately, baby you're falling apart
How many times must I have to re-tape your heart(bad flow)
I've never broken it...and I'll hold it......for all my life
Start talking to me - you dont seem much like a wife(filler)
It doesn't seem right ... open you're eyes - baby!
Oh, so this is whats it like ... to date a dead lady.(no)

"...We started with flowers, powered by a bliss
The dust shower'd as it got sour by the kiss(dope)
She was a coward when it came time to exsist
Even as she got louder, she was hard to resist"

overall the piece didnt make total sense, also i think it was rather narrow minded, and didnt have much that caught any interest, altho i did like the part u repeated, but otherwise ive seen alot better from u

vs

So here’s a story about a lady with pain in her past
Cuz she happened to marry someone a pain in the ass
An’ she went through it all, living the life of a mistress everything came fast
Making love, she wouldn’t consider it that, something more like a rape act
Two little kids, the reason why she stayed with his ass
Her brother put her to this, he made her make a vow, he made her marry a motherfucker basically fowl(u flowed horribly into this)
She never had a choice, all she can do is vow, open her eyes an’ POW
While the beatin an’ pushin, shovin an’ eating the cushion got into a regular habit
She sat back an’ took it, proving she can do it, now thinking about it
He had no remorse for her health; all he cared for was the fame an’ the wealth
He gave her the definition of hell; he gave her unforgivable pain something like a poisonous spell
But the bond with her kids finally gave her the strength to step up an’ raise a fist
Now her mind is set bright something like a shining crucifix
She had enough of the swings, so she packed her bags an’ left with her kids under her wings
The dark world is off her shoulders, the nightmare is over
Now she can bloom from a seed to a full bloomed red rose
(again u flowed badly, into the rhyme change)
Now that she’s gone I realize that I became what I feared to be the most
My fathers spiting image, in other words the devils evil host
I followed in his foot steps, I turned out to be the loser in this book text, dear god what’s next? Pain is whats left in my chest
When I stare at my son its like I’m staring at death, I’m left without a breath
But what can I do? It’s hard to change your essence when they run in your veins
Especially when their black tar taint, it pores when it rains, yes it’s true
My life is done, its threw, an’ this is my final apology to you
nice build up to the end

overall u add alot of filler, like in other words or something like, that really irritated me, the whole piece was bland, only the ending really stood out, but it still felt like u were tryna get somewhere, and never did....otherwise, i did like the long rhyme pattern, and the imagery was fairly good, but the vocab was Way too basic

Vote DJ, for simplicity and flow(mostly he had less filler)and got to the point

[Alphaeus]

Vote/ DJ

Both good pieces, just enjoyed his more and it was more to the point, nice ending and a good flow through-out

Sinz, again its using over stretched lines. I've had feedback on that myself, so, nice piece, basic in some ways but. ok

Please RTF

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-375617.html
__________________

[.:Sinz:.]

yeah think im sticking to audio lol but thanxz for the feedback

stock-p your link dont work

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-375617.html

The battle is Stock-P Vs Daddy_B, if you could drop a vote on it

[Tragedian.]

Thanks dudes, leave links!

Upp!

[Networth]

My vote is going to D.J. for the way he kept it simple while still conjjuring up a nice piece that had relevant meaniing..
I honestly liked your piece a lot SinZ, it's just that in comparison to Dj's "Chorus" which he incorporated into the theme of his poem, your poem seemed TOO basic. But it was good.


V/Dj

[Tragedian.]

Upp!

C'mon, lets get some votes.

[Tragedian.]

Wtf Vote Faggots.