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Thread: A Silent Seperation.

  1. #1

    A Silent Seperation.

    Opiate swirls and washes of colour
    Faded to a musky grey, denim.
    A mother of pearl sheen of elegance
    Graced over everything we touch.
    A soft glowing movement
    That throws us out of sync.
    A transparent glimmer of petrol
    And glass and mysticism.
    An aching, stretching tremble
    Tumbling over ones self.
    Soaring through seeped oxygen
    Breathing in the poison.
    Two hands against the shattered glass
    A bubble of perspex surrounding.
    Inside there is clouds and darkness
    Contained, restrained, refined
    You hover in illustrious indigo
    Shimmering with tear filled eyes.
    Wrapt in a bubble of silence
    Retreating from me, a quiet surrender.
    A shealthed sword and shield
    Protecting you from harms way.
    A barrier sparkling between us
    And between us and a future.
    Silently you breathe in the poison
    Inside your guardians of silence.
    Pushing me away
    Because I push you away.
    A glittering wall between us
    And no way to navigate through.
    Parted by silence I created
    Silence renewed and strengthened.
    While we lay weakened.
    And seperate.
    Last edited by Psuedo ; September 11th, 2007 at 06:35 PM

  2. #2

    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    I'm new and would like some feed.

  3. #3

    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    up.

  4. #4

    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    rise..

  5. #5
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    Fuckin bullshit you're new. i know you MUST have an alias. That was just to good to not be alias work. The wordplay was perfect. The placement was well done and choice of words was INCREDIBLY thought out. The imagery was wonderful. The flow was poetic and fluent. The emotion was great. And the piece was original and creative. Keep writing man. LOVED IT, and I will find out your alias, trust me. NOMINATED.

  6. #6

    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    Thanks up

  7. #7
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: A Silent Seperation.

    I really like this actually, it was heavily based on imagery, which is also my chosen style. the opening lines i thought could have been more vivid though, in the sense of description, as colors can really be made into a creative burst... But in all fairness you did a good job even with that, by adding the word murky, rather than just placing gray as a single description. The emotion through the imagery was well placed, every word seemed to follow the abstract sadness and frustration you were trying to deliver to the readers eyes. very nice piece.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

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