They (The Perfect)

[Infinite Intelligence]

They

they all framed me with dishonesty.
they programmed me with reverse psychology.
tried to destruct knowledge being utilized by my colony
fed me poisonous philosophies
based on racist hypothesis
but subconsiously they were mocking me
for being the fiirst to walk the earths surface
but I'm here to turn something worthless into something perfect
they're nervous
cause I survived the jammin of mental programing
the people panic
so I examine uncle sam and his thesis
saying civilization started with demons
but my history decreases when you wipe out significant pieces
and secretly demolishes
so anthropologist and top colleges try to swallow this
as people adjust to my phenomenal data
they pray I stay at the bottom of the economical latter
FIGURE IT OUT QUICK OR YOU'LL FALL VICTIM
SEEK KNOWLEDGE TO SPEEK WISDOM
AND GANGBANG AGAINST THE SYSTEM

Onus
Copyright ©2007 Onus

[Mariah]

Really I wasn't totally blown away, but don't take it wrong cause it was a solid read. One thing you lack is originality I think, the topic seems a bit overdone, but also your wording is kinda iffy. Other than those two things, you do a nice job of emotion and imagery in your pieces. In poetry, I am just trying to help out, it does NOT have to rhyme, so there's more freedom, be descriptive, who cares if it rhymes or not, if rhymes matter to you, maybe try Open Mic and write longer pieces? Just suggesting though. Good piece here, not amazing, but definitely a solid drop.

-Mariah

[Mariah]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...wpost&t=329089

sorry forgot

[Infinite Intelligence]

no doubt.. i try to keep my style versatile, if you read some of my older stuff you'll see i dont usually rhyme... but thanks for the feed.. appreciated.

btw anyone else who comments... just know that the part of the title in parenthisis has nothing to do with the peice... it was just a perfect peice in my opinion so i put that.
-Onus.

[Boxin Mics]

decent piece, bro.. imagery and emotion. seems more like a hip-hop piece. doesnt matter though. either way.. good job on this. short but worded nicely. only thing i didnt like was.. definitely the ending. somethin' said it needed more. other then that... solid drop.. keep on writing..

[Infinite Intelligence]

up again..

[Infinite Intelligence]

up...