New To This, Check Out How I spit

[EmceeWhite08]

Check how I spit wit it, I'm sick wit it
Competition in a club, bitch forget it
I 'm harder than hard, but a bitch never soft
To make your way in the streets, gotta pay the cost
I may be young in the game, but I aint lost
Had a baby real young, but that dont matter
Just upped my business, made my sacks fatter
Feinz knockin on the door at two and four
In the mornin, I'm always up, so I'm yearnin for sleep
Sittin here wit a toothpick, gettin fried ribs outta my teeth
Thinkin bout what I've seen and what I've done
Bein in the hustle game is good money, but it ain't all fun
I watch the police watch me, what you think bout that?
I'm 17, bitch ain't even legal to tote my own gat
But with these rhymes I counter-act
Leave them breathless like they havin an asthma attack
Fuck wit me, and I'll lay bitches or niggas on they back
I done got shot, and that you ain't gotta believe
But I just keep it real, cuz the truth is ya'll can't see me
I spit the truth,this shit is what comes from my heart
That's the real art of hip hop, gettin mad come and tear me apart?
Cuz this to me is only a line, I ain't even start...

[EmceeWhite08]

Lemme know what u think....good look

[Ink Poyzin]

To be honest, in my eyes, it was wack. Everything your saying has been said before, has been said many times (but better). Absolutely no concept, choppy flow, very simplistic. I apologize, I ain't trying to sound like a prick. The money, drugs, gats.... It's all bullshit, and played out. Pick a topic, feed off it, make it creative. This isn't skill, anyone could write this.... Nothing more to say, take the advice, make it useful. Welcome to Rapbattles, peace...

[antology]

Yea bit average man, need to get a broader vocab, and learn to flow cause this had none. Better choice of topic too, this is played.
But keep at it, always room for improvement

[ElCommunista]

im a newb as well but from what i have understood that especially when on writes in text that how one develops his bars and thusly how he develops his rhyme scheme play alot more of a role than when one does audio. that being said i suggest that you work on your structure and rhyme scheme.