Nature's Deceased

[Alex DeLarge]

Simple vision yet a massacre, disastrous and saddening.
Corpse rests, thoughts rot, in a way that's lastly flattering.
The trees providing shadows on her decaying exterior.
Her body swept aside, as if to us, she's now inferior.
The dirt provides a death bed, lifeless image's portrayed.
While leaves hanging above, in the wind, they slowly sway.
She lays mangled, underneath the softened, subtle blue sky.
The beautiful reflection hangs within her coldened two eyes.
The lack of life thrives in a growth, nature's surrounding.
To us, the ignorance of life becomes simply astounding.
The grass stands it ground, sadly, it cannot contrast.
Unbeknownst to the death within simplistic grasp.
Breezes brush her sweet hair, carrying abandoned spirits.
Sad whispering: it rings, as the people cannot hear it.
Decomposing on a stage, courtesy of nature's ways.
She's left alone for now, until she's found in later days.
The picture sits, one sparkle remains in lifeless eyes.
Blood staining her clothes, complimenting how she died.
Innocence depleted, now an empty soul's remaining.
Death can never see the life as darkness is restraining.
Bitter fate destructing faith. Her smile disappears.
Lessened to a fatal frown, her life stolen from peers
As this life has met it's end, it transfers to design.
The ending to her story. Her essence has resigned.

[Alex DeLarge]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ig-346763.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ye-346663.html

[LedgenZ]

You might be new to this site, but your defiantly not new to writing. This piece was littered with dope imagery, nice flows and impressive schemes. I thoroughly enjoyed the poetic, yet morbid nature of it all. The dark mood complemented your subject matter perfectly, it create a very vivid and graphic visual. To me it more like a black and white art-house horror film entangled in a twist tale of love, death and there after. Spooky, but beautiful!


Favorite lines:

The dirt provides a death bed, lifeless image's portrayed.
While leaves hanging above, in the wind, they slowly sway.
She lays mangled, underneath the softened, subtle blue sky.
The beautiful reflection hangs within her coldened two eyes.
The lack of life thrives in a growth, nature's surrounding.
To us, the ignorance of life becomes simply astounding.
The grass stands it ground, sadly, it cannot contrast.
Unbeknownst to the death within simplistic grasp.
Breezes brush her sweet hair, carrying abandoned spirits.
Sad whispering: it rings, as the people cannot hear it.
Decomposing on a stage, courtesy of nature's ways.
She's left alone for now, until she's found in later days.
The picture sits, one sparkle remains in lifeless eyes.
Blood staining her clothes, complimenting how she died

^You should probably work on your wording a little, sometimes your lines seem a bit stretched do to over crowed syllables or lack there of. I use to have that same problem, but I think it's more so your structure than anything else. Maybe breaking down the lines into smaller stanzas will help with the overall flow. That's really my only qualm with this piece, aside from that minor flaw, this piece and especially those lines quoted above was pretty dope.

Once again...I loved the imgary!


Keep dropping son...you've caught my attention!


pZ

[Alex DeLarge]

Props for the FEED.
Bump.