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Thread: When The Moon Fell

  1. #1
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    When The Moon Fell

    When The Moon Fell

    The lunar balance is at the tip of the tight rope
    The night's glow...dims and the tide's low
    It sighs cold and at last upon it the light's broke
    ...The moon moves...past its astronomical cycle


    Lover's exhange their last kiss with hands pried
    Without the land's light...romance dies
    So the night decants lies..flies on cue to burn
    As the world cries and tries to rely on Jupiter
    The view can turn, with every passing moment
    Because if we ask it won't it?
    ...Well that's God's task to know it...
    So love's lastly spoken, by the lips of this farce
    And the golden globe's glow...drifts into stars

    Then the world rips into parts...sewed by nebbish peers
    That leaned to the right...and left both its hemispheres
    Oh the threat is near, gravity arose to second gear
    Disengaged from the face that host reflection’s tear


    "It was said that here...lied a world swallowed by blackness"

    Quote the blinking of stars...behind the planets this plaque sits
    At last this...expansion, of a gravitational burrowed plight
    Wans a vastness...of statements that tasted this world's life
    It wasn't a pearl of strife...to ignite the doom to this matter
    ...Though it was a new-clear distaster...
    ...When the moon took its last turn...
    And like a beautiful lantern, one last flicker to bore the night
    If the core's kiss light, then of course there's more to life

    The morning arrives, sighs, and invites the sunny dew
    ...As the couple bids goodbye to the last night of their honeymoon...


  2. #2

  3. #3
    Aged Like Fine Wine
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    damn nice peice i really liked it...it was short and to the point...i liked how u structured it toghether and the plot was cool.

    Quote the blinking of stars...behind the planets this plaque sits
    At last this...expansion, of a gravitational burrowed plight
    Wans a vastness...of statements that tasted this world's life

    i really liked those lines,.. the whole drop had emotion and a great point to it...i really enjoyed this drop...vocab and the flow were good, overall it was just a good drop...ive seen u come harder in the SS battles...but this is dope too..

    RTF

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-347138.html

  4. #4
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    thanks homie, i hit that.

  5. #5
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    coo multies N fflow yo f'sho

    imagery seemed pretty cool/dark as well, so that made the piece entertaining.
    all in all was a neatly presented, and somewhat visualy emotive piece, was sort of short and sharp, style was dopish, flow was tite
    nice piece

    check my piece if possible-
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ex-347407.html

  6. #6
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    This was another good drop Ace..you always have dope flow..and a nice amount of multi's..you had a nice take on the topic...and overall this was a good read..very entertaining....nice emotion...all the mechanics were worked here...good write..

  7. #7
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    thanks homies. i'll hit that up.

    peACE

  8. #8
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    The imagery was strongest here... great description of a scenery. I enjoyed it's poetic language and it's rhyme-scheme. It's structure was cool, made it for a neat and sweet piece. I loved the word-play of the moon and honeymoon combo.. it was unexpected, didn't think it would be about a honeymoon... so it was a pretty clever concept. Original and all, and i liked these lines the most..

    Then the world rips into parts...sewed by nebbish peers
    That leaned to the right...and left both its hemispheres
    Oh the threat is near, gravity arose to second gear
    Disengaged from the face that host reflection’s tear

    "It was said that here...lied a world swallowed by blackness"
    Quote the blinking of stars...behind the planets this plaque sits
    ^damn deep dude.

    So yeah, it's safe to say this shit is dope...

    i'd really like your opinion on this poem of mines...
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-347509.html

  9. #9
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    thanks bro. i done read that.

  10. #10
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    yea, i felt the imagery here, shit was crazy. it was like a descriptive essay. Short and vivid, and the usage of words to descibe things made it an easy picture. The flow kept me going for the most part, overall pretty nice drop.

  11. #11
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    thanks homie, appreciate the feed.

  12. #12
    I'll have the gabagool Fresh's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    I think this was overall a really well written piece.
    Imagery was good, it was an original concept, great play on words with the honeymoon thing.
    I also felt it flowed really well too, and the multi rhymes helped it to flow I think too.
    Overall a pretty deep piece.
    Id say it was a pretty ill drop, keep at it.

    Check this out if you got time plz.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-347853.html

  13. #13
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    another good piece by ace..i love to see you doin your thing man. Well first off id like to say that your great at grabbing the readers attention with phenominal intrances that leave me hooked ready for more..and this was no different. Your flow is always on point with one exception here. The second stanza towards the middle kinda fell off with the "it won't it" line.. I had to re read those lines a few times it just kinda threw the smoothness off at least for me.. You didnt hesitate in pickin it back up however. Your emotion i felt lacked a lil bit for your topic but still was good. I also loved the way you took to the topic and thats what had me drawn in. Your ending was great it rounded it off perfectly my friend. Overall ace your an incredible writer so keep doin your thing man....

    Please hit this up for me
    Dark Shades Of The Sun
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ab-347932.html
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  14. #14
    FireBox ima redheds croch
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    this was really good, intersting plot, direction was good,
    vocab nice, and you stayed on point.
    Very interesting mind you write from........deep

  15. #15
    Terminal Fantasy Morbid Dream's Avatar
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    Re: When The Moon Fell

    Then the world rips into parts...sewed by nebbish peers
    That leaned to the right...and left both its hemispheres
    Oh the threat is near, gravity arose to second gear
    Disengaged from the face that host reflection’s tear
    REal nice

    This verse had tight flows tied in with good imagery and a fresh concept. Evidence why you do so well in SS. nice lead up to the honey moon theme through vague metaphors.

    Nice verse..RTF..This is the second verse i fed and u still havnt
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-347683.html
    Notarized Artistry


    1xOM HoF

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