Microphone

[.Prime.]

Microphone

Ay, man Imma kill with my microphone
Lyrical sickness burstin this micrphone
Prophectic words cursin this microphone
Sit back cause this skill is mine alone

Fuck all you fake hood gimmicks
Burn your house with all of you in it
I'm ready to spit, spit the truth
Takin over like Castro's coup
My rhymes represent, inner city youth
And the struggle of the depression to my latin brothers
Gettin shot in the street, bodies brought to their mothers
I spit my fire, right through your speaker
Walk all over your career like I'm a Nike sneaker
I came into the game with my life on the line
Rappers wear shades just to avoid my shine
Cause I spit rhymes faster and tighter than they could achieve
My words mean more than the great Adam and Eve
You think beats are all that you ever need
You think your good man, Is that what you believe?
Cause my words relieve the mind of sick patients
Ears bleedin because they heard you on radio stations.

Ay, man Imma kill with my microphone
Lyrical sickness burstin this micrphone
Prophectic words cursin this microphone
Sit back cause this skill is mine alone

Verbally serving you diversity through a lyrical spit
I got more bars in my rhymes than you even got ribs
Like a boxer I bust you, knock you the fuck out
Just like your career man, you're flows coming to a drought
Your dried up cause my flow's through this atmoshpere
Have no fear, I the govenor am here
Ruling the rap biz, no one is higher
call me this industries number one supplier
Cause my words are on fire and my block is hot
Your like tupac and I'm the thugs with the loaded glocks
Shoot you up man, murdering comes with ease
Bullet holes in your body leave ya lookin like swiss cheese
And please don't ever come thinking your shits in line
Cause I hear kids like you trying to rap, all the time
Unoriginal fuck I'm getting sick of his words
My words are valuble just like the Bible's proverbs
I slaughter every fuck like you walking up on stage
provoke me and I'll rip ya like an animal released from it's cage
Overrated or Overplayed, it doesn't matter to me
Listenin to you talk leaves me as sad as can be
I'm bad as can be, I rap systematically
Hey man thats how it is, I call the shots
Your rhymes have all been covered like New York's parking lots.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...525/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...502/index.html

[Endeva.]

first thing id say is lose the hook... second is get thinking of the sort of topics you enjoy reading by other people cos what youve done here doesnt hold the interest, its done over and over, played out...

it should be all about creativity, i keep saying this to people, but aside from that get crazy with your scheme, flip it round n shit

...keep at it man

......pz

[.Prime.]

Heh, I've been told the hook is pretty good. Either way man thanks.

uppin..

[R-tistic]

i think the hook is prolly catchier on a beat and overall this is one of those raps you cant judge without a beat ive ritten alot of shit n showed ppl with no beat and it wasnt half as good as wen it was to a beat, overall keep doin ya damn thing man not bad at all

[.Prime.]

uppin...

[.Prime.]

c'mon people give me some feedback...

[metaphoric]

its always hard to critique a text cause u never know the writers flow. The hook in text seems real weak but it might be tight vocally.

Verbally serving you diversity through a lyrical spit
I got more bars in my rhymes than you even got ribs ( i dont understand this line)

most of all not to bad but real basic in my view. some lines were alright but still pretty basic.

[Ink Poyzin]

Don't take this the wrong way when I say it.. I didn't like the first verse as much as I did the second. The flows just kinda choppy up there. Getting down to the second not only did the flow clear up but I started to feel your words alot more. The wording in both verses were good.. So don't think i'm saying different. It's just the first didn't stick out to me as much as the second did, ya know...

[Celph Taut]

Do you record?

[HighEngineChief]

This was pretty good, would have probably worked real well on a track too. As a written it was okay, the flows kind of messy, with a beat you can make it work but when your reading it it's different, try to apply more multis, it really helps the flow more than anything else, also use alliteration, does wonders. Your concepts are your strengths, work on tightening your flow and I think you'll have a dope piece ready in no time, keep writing man - puff*

[theeTruth]

liek everyone else I would need to hear this on a beat

My rhymes represent, inner city youth
And the struggle of the depression to my latin brothers
Gettin shot in the street, bodies brought to their mother

I really like this bit for some reason

[theeTruth]

liek everyone else I would need to hear this on a beat

My rhymes represent, inner city youth
And the struggle of the depression to my latin brothers
Gettin shot in the street, bodies brought to their mother

I really like this bit for some reason

[.Prime.]

Sorry guys, I can't record yet cause I dont have a mic. This is meant for audio though, I usually rap to my friends for fun. Thanks guys.