Men Do Cry!

[Ntalek]

Who said men don't cry?
The emotions intricate in my reactions.
I'm alive yet the devil ripped my
heart bare handed.
Laughing with a piece of me in
both hands. I can smell the
burning stench of sensation
as I enter. I can hear screams
and moans from a demonic source.
I brought roses. Not knowing she's
found a different vase in which fits
her interior decoration. My favorite
perfume seeps through the door crack
bringing along a hint of confusion.
.
I swallow hard as my mind's blank,
The thought never occurd.
Smell of sweat was never so rank,
Till the exotic sounds were heard.
I stand eyes wide yet motionless,
As she's gripping away at his spine.
While he plunges into her oceans depth,
I know he's pleasing what's mine.
I slowly move trying not to disturb,
but the floor gives away it's ghastly creak.
She lays there mouth gaping without a word,
As their caught right at the peak.
He glances at me with this brave wonder,
A sly smile stretches from ear to ear.
.
The butterflies have perished and
now lie dead, in the bottomless
pit of my stomach. My tears are
like needles pouring out of my eyes.
Down past my lips as if the
liquid were thin strands of cotton,
sewing my mouth through my teeth.
My hammered hands nailing
the tips one by one. Striking
with enough force to break a heart.
Even a soul shattered when the
emotions hit home.

Men Do Cry!
Written By: Ntalek ft. Uben. Sonned

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-370934.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-371542.html

[Perseus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=371542
Feed me!

Uben is better at poetry then topical.


This was a really nice read, and I felt that Uben outshined all the topical work he's written since his return here on RB. The wording was really nice and I felt that you flowed a lot better here. Both carried a really fluently followed imagery and emotion was beyond my expectations. So he caught his lover cheating on him? That's what I got from the concept at least. And if so, original. The content was overall, pretty creative. Nice job guys.

[Ntalek]

word..thx..

[Ntalek]

Tops.

[Know-It-All]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-371606.html

hit me pleaasseeee

and moans from a demonic source.
I brought roses. Not knowing she's
found a different vase in which fits
her interior decoration. My favorite
perfume seeps through the door crack
bringing along a hint of confusion.

This part here had some nice images.

I stand eyes wide yet motionless,
As she's gripping away at his spine.
While he plunges into her oceans depth,

something about the rhythm of this part had me like wow.

the tips one by one. Striking
with enough force to break a heart.
Even a soul shattered when the
emotions hit home.

I loved the endijng

Overall, Ntalek you did well as always with your images, and I was really surprised I didn't know Ubenn wrote poetry like this. I really loved the message of the poem, and both of you came with great emotions. This poem is the truth neither of you ever lied in this. good work you two.

sorry if this is incoherent the SoCo is getting to me.

[Uben. Sonned]

Uping this, and thank you for the replies so far.

[Ntalek]

ups I'll get to the links now!

[Uben. Sonned]

ups I'll get to the links now!

same

[DAINFINITE1]

I believe this was very creative. I also believe it was more of an closed form poem meaning it was more on a pattern.

My favorite Part of the piece

As she's gripping away at his spine.
While he plunges into her oceans depth,
I know he's pleasing what's mine.
I slowly move trying not to disturb,
but the floor gives away it's ghastly creak.

[Ntalek]

um thankx ups for real feed!

[Uben. Sonned]

Upping

[Ntalek]

tops for props!

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-372014.html
bitches....








okay, good read. really played concept, but I liked the execution. one of the best written I've seen as far as this kind of thing goes. he was cheated on and witnessed it, sucks but it happens daily! the first stanza I think was the best, it really had me hooked... read smoothely and had a great feel to it. the second stanza was great too though because it let me know more about what was going on where as the first stanza just had me gripping the edge thinking "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!! TELL ME!!!" but yeah, then the third stanza was okay and summed it all up...


nontheless, a great read... thanks my dudes...
feed my link.

[Spoken Deity]

brought roses. Not knowing she's
found a different vase in which fits
her interior decoration
Brilliant...simply brilliant

I've got to say this entire thing really speaks to me but in an 'out of context' sort of way...
So this brings out alot of emotion in my own heart.
But anyway, really good writing here. The vase line was amazingly witty. The only imagery I thought you COULD do better in was the bottomless pit stomach BUT it was still dope by the dying butterflies.
The first verse was amazing but the last verse takes it all home... There is nothing I can say you need to work on... It was great dude.
Thanks for the read!
ps(if you could hit my top link, Parardox within a broken and tattered man, I'd appriciate a head like you taking a look. Thanks bro)

[Ntalek]

thx..I'll hit all links later on..but that's a will do for sure