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Thread: The Last Breath I Take

  1. #1
    Abraxas
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    The Last Breath I Take

    The Last Breath I Take

    A deprived mind, design aligned signs of whisper and death
    Confines defied kinds of thought through my blistering flesh
    A withering mess, defining the distraught of my quivering head
    On shivering dread, A Path Of Broken Faith to my different quests
    Eminent mess on stress procreates a demonic mind unblessed
    In entwined lines of maligned heartbeats, ironic to my arrest
    But to test hopeless debates of the mind we’re woven to create
    Shouldn’t we know why these eyes that signify love and hate
    My thumping machine pumping demise within my very veins
    I tried to disguise my eyes from the strain, cannot bare the pain
    My mentality is falling apart, I feel the breath of my life taken
    Forsaken by The Corrupting Tongue, Death residing in Satan

    *Cough* *Cough*
    *Panting of Dying Lungs*


    Sweat Drips in an eerie fashion
    Death smiles in a sneering satisfaction
    Sweat leaves my face in a rapid
    Drops shattering my weary bastion
    Writing my lament as I’m talking with dread…
    Dancing a desert meadow & Walking With Death


    I’m trembling uncontrollably, hoping this aching will vanish
    Assembling on the souls of plea, in hallucinations of savage
    Screams that fills my cranium, it seems to drill my insane asylum
    Born an Episcopalian, but the thrill to kill deranged my silence
    This arcane island of conception, derived and divided in sections
    Alive its contentious, but segregated thoughts provide intervention
    My lungs stop in question; I heave and breathe heavily on the fact
    And as my beating fist of agonizing love speeds, ready to react
    As the four chambers of my heart, crying out the pumping blood
    As my beating paces, I feel a reply of tachycardia racing….
    Backing far from hatred now, almost denying the thumping flood
    Of a bloodbath, my thumping rock has nearly stopped with fatal crack
    The four chambers once surrounded in gold, rots into a shade of black….

    *Cough* *Cough*
    *Disturbing Panting of Moribund Lungs*
    *Slow, Loud Beating of a Shattered Heart*


    My heart weeps blood from beyond its threshold
    Seeks life from a dying breath, pondering best hope
    He cant cope with the lesser folds of a terrible cold
    Feeling in his throat, with an unbearable control
    As Death allows him to put his knife to his neck and wrote
    And slashed with Death before him with gleaming eyes
    Thus the stain of pain cries, and the fatal screaming dies


    As Life Was Eating My Prison, That Was The Last Breath I Take
    Consumed By The Corrupting Tongue, And All my Hiding Hate
    This Blinded Statement of Mines Arises Hatred Slaves of Meth
    As This Was My Twist of Departure, I’m Walking Away With Death


    Percept Shun

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    OMG upping shit..
    Percept Shun

  4. #4

    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    this was weird
    DJ Phorward

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  5. #5
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    If you don't got anything good to say don't post.

    You didn't have to post again lol
    Last edited by Paramik; September 2nd, 2007 at 08:35 PM
    Percept Shun

  6. #6

    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    iight
    DJ Phorward

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  7. #7
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    i dont feel like typing a huge paragraph but the concept and the metaphorical input you used was pretty sweet. nice drop

  8. #8
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    haah this was excellent. it started out mad dope and really caught my attention with the metaphorica lapproach and the internal rhyme schemes. huge fan of that. the whole concept was pretty interesting. i like the injections of poetry into the whole piece, real nice. this is kind of the style im trying to hit with my return, maybe i got it, i dont even know, havent written in such a long time lol... anyway back to the piece./ the beggining of the piece (the 1st stanze) was probobly the best in my opinion, but it always seems like that because the ideas slowly dry up... not to say your not creative, trhis was a great piece, keep up the good work, and stay consistant... hit up my piece..

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  9. #9
    Aka WestBank Leonidas's Avatar
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    Didnt you drop this in a battle? I could've sworn I saw this from you already,lol. Anyways, Nice drop..Like always,lol...Your wording was good, as it hit in the right places and wasnt off..Your vocab was excellent as well. I also liked how you set it up and had everything layed out. Just an overall good job here Para.


    rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-347472.html
    Last edited by Leonidas; September 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 PM
    RB OG Triple OG

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  10. #10
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    It is the same one West lol.
    Upping please feed and I'll RTF i always do
    Percept Shun

  11. #11
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take


  12. #12
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    LMAO you didnt write anything
    Percept Shun

  13. #13
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    upping feedback and i got your back.
    Percept Shun

  14. #14
    Aka WestBank Leonidas's Avatar
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ip-347591.html
    ^hit that up please for som "rtf",lol..
    RB OG Triple OG

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  15. #15
    Abraxas
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    Re: The Last Breath I Take

    now reply and stuff and ill rtf
    Percept Shun

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