L.O.R.D (Living On to a Righteous Death)

[Prophet Margin]

Most likely will be a part 2 to this......even a 3 if i have time....just to totally round out the concept....

Concept is a dying man looking back on the struggles of his life and the horrors of the planet, and how God saw him thru it.......the first verse/part 1 deals with living and violence and poverty...the intro and 1st verse might not be totally coherent, cuz they were originally meant for 2 different collabs that never materialized......neways give honest feed guys



L.O.R.D (Living On to a Righteous Death)


Intro

"Man does not live on bread but from every word of God"
The Lord helps you tell between human face and facade

On the bed of death, waiting to be seized by heaven
Fluorescent lights blur vision, mind remains in obsession
Losing breath, begging for a blessing for your brethen
Final moments, fears dissapear and the pain lessens
Still grapsed by the holy hand, free from Satans opression
Looking inward; viewing yourself as a reflection
Beholding a golden heart born from righteous perfection
Blessed with divine protection, the gift of confession
Posessing understanding without misconception
This child of angels, bearing rightful affection.....
Represented now by a frail man of pallid complexion......
.....As you study the life from which you learned your lessons


Illustrious city, lacking in justice and pity
For our unspeakable plight, quite the dispiriting ditty
Soldeirs of infamy, a tale of blood and bigotries
A civil war feeding the mouths of political wickedry
Contraband gat and full mag, makin 12 widows a day
Stomp a man with deplorable fate, never below the fray*
Thugs burning a gap in our society that time cannot span
So internally stricken, we lose sight of the larger plans
The house thats divided, these walls can no longer stand
Crimson streets and orphaned infants just to launder a grand
Blasting back at the spider web that tounge ties us with scams
With destruction betray the most high just for the sake of man
Scripture in hand, begging forgiveness for a whole generation
of unwilling sin, instigated by a violent vocation
Reiteration of the need for a peaceful salvation
Cant erase our graveyards or the curse of damnation
So...
Repetance is needed, past sins the canvas the 'word' is the paint
Those who hope in the Lord will gain renewed strength------
they will soar on wings like eagles, They will walk and not be faint**


*wrote this BEFORE i used it as an example feeding another dudes OM, just incase someone tries to accuse me of biting my own example rhymes....lmao
**Isaiah 40:31...messed with the wording just a bit

[Prophet Margin]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...732/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...814/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...770/index.html

[Emperor F Ect]

This was dope
vocabulary was on point, flow was dope
imagery was very visual... concept was used as your own
it made sense... nice drop

[itzjoe54]

jesus , man are you really 16 ? , because your vocab is extraordinary , your imagery was on the moneyyy .....

[brokenhalo]

everything is on point but at times it sounded like rushed poetry if you get what im saying
but you got skillz work on your wordplay

[Outss]

This was a sick piece , Vocab was on point so was the story u was telling ..

Soldeirs of infamy, a tale of blood and bigotries
A civil war feeding the mouths of political wickedry

^i liked that alot .. the only thing i can say is um try incorporating more multies jus to tighten it up .. you have got everything u need in this atm doe good shit 8/10

[Vinzr]

As usual you're delivering some good stuff. Vocab was real nice here as you usually would bring to the table, I thought the flow wasn't bad either. But I would have liked to see a bit of multis but ultimately I would rather see content over multis and an improved rhyming scheme, I'm just saying if there was a way you could incorporate multis without having to sacrifice much content then that would have been beneficial but that's a skill in of itself. Overall I'd say this is a nice drop.

[Prophet Margin]

yo thanks for feedin everyone......lol i prolly shoulda had more multis in here and i knew that while i was writing it.....i tried to throw in some internals instead but thanks for feeding guys

[Herculean]

This was dope, I like the style you portrait, and i agree with the above statement, if you really are 16.. cudo's to you on your vocab, imagery. I was definately feeling the second verse more.. written at different times maybe?
keep droppin bro.. awesome

[trajik]

Prophet I will read and feed this soon, I promise. I'm too lazy to read it right now. Herc what would you say if I told you I was thirteen?

[Herculean]

i would say it's past your bedtime, lmao.. jk I would say what the fuck am I doin with my life because I was nowhere near as talented as you kids when I was younger.. I was an athlete like no other though lol

[Prophet Margin]

i would say it's past your bedtime, lmao.. jk I would say what the fuck am I doin with my life because I was nowhere near as talented as you kids when I was younger.. I was an athlete like no other though lol

haha sorry for freeposting (i guess ill make this an UP as well) but i am kinda suprised trajik is 13.......lol i really am 16 tho and as far as being an athlete i have a big ass state championship ring from being on varsity football this season have a good shot at another one next year and if i make varsity baseball next year we have a pretty good chance there too :P.......so topicals arent even my main talent hahaha

[Herculean]

lm not trying to start a dick wavin contest lol, but 3 years state champ in football and basketball, all state mvp, (small school, but small town) Full ride scholorship to C.O.D. (college of the desert in palm springs Ca) then from there got picked up at UofH.. played a few games, broke An ankle, scholorship revoked and Came home got married, had a kid...... got divorced lmao, and now im a happy as fuck 26 year old with the dopest 3 year old, homeboy's 3, can read, potty trained and takes classical piano lessons, a future RB-er for sure aha.. life has wierd twists but everything always falls into place... wish u the best in everything u do homie... FYI... im heellla fucked up right now lmao... party party

P.s. pm me and ill tell you my name and u can verify my story if need be lol...

[143]

I like this drop alot, I think that you didn't need to overload it with a lot of multis because you have woven a good play in both verses. The first verse was a good start with the premise given and not rushing to move to the next verse. It's amazing how your vocab usage as grown. Also have a good use of quads and doubles. You second verse was almost like a u-turn within the drop that refers back to the first but with a twist. Good set up in the beginning and you wrapped it up nicely paring down the vocab a little. Overall this was a very solid drop and wonder how it would be if the collab happened....

[Prophet Margin]

good lookin on the feed man