Just something i wrote up with a lot of feelings

[Mic~Tyson]

The Spark To My Heart ( Instrumental- AZ - A.W.O.L. )

Music the spark ta my mind
The jolt for me to start ta rhyme
Eyes been attracted since i first found hip hop
Its a fact that, underground rap wont stop
So with a beat playin im igniting into rhymes
Bright with a pen, everthing i write shines!!

So what sets us apart
Yas lackin the heart
I had lock in the start
Yas lookin for it in the dark
But it aint something you find over night
Ya gott have your mind right
If you truely wanna rhyme tight
Cant be that lazy type
That aint wanna write
When it comes to puttin in dues
Ya gotta find your fit to workin, like new shoes

So you see im plottin big
Like L, Pac, and Big
Cuz without dreams
You aint rich by any means
Ya gotta have goals to strive for
Otherwise what are you livin for
In a world where, you aint givin anymore
Then what youve paid for
In other words, its a cold world to livin in especially if your poor
On the streets wantin for an open door
Hopin for a new beginning to better your life
But itll never come unless you get it yourself

So you see, you could be, you worst enemy
Ya gotta have ambition, ta beat the compition
And better your position in this world we livin in
Dont be just another piston, followin rotation
The real powers in the spark
Its the heart, where it all starts
So comon get your engines moving
And get ingauged in the tunes ya loving

Music the spark ta my mind
The jolt for me to start ta rhyme
Eyes been attracted since i first found hip hop
Its a fact that, underground rap wont stop
So with a beat playin im igniting into rhymes
Bright with a pen, everthing i write shines!!

Music the spark ta my mind
The jolt for me to start ta rhyme
Eyes been attracted since i first found hip hop
Its a fact that, underground rap wont stop
So with a beat playin im igniting into rhymes
Bright with a pen, everthing i write shines!!

Mic~Tyson - One Love = Hip Hop

:RBman:

[SickAzSilence]

this is a decent piece, It was a bit hard to follow in a few places with your structure & layout.

So you see, you could be, you worst enemy
Ya gotta have ambition, ta beat the compition
And better your position in this world we livin in
Dont be just another piston, followin rotation
The real powers in the spark
Its the heart, where it all starts

i liked this right here, the content is great I just didn't like the way it was broken up it seemed to cut off in mid sentence and felt uneven when transferring to the next line...

keep in mind that the person reading it has to be able to clearly distinguish where one line ends and the next one begins...

also, if your writing to a specific beat it helps to let the readers know beforehand so they can get the timing down in their head and kind of read along with the beat if that makes sense.

[Mic~Tyson]

Hey thanks a lot for taking the time to review/ give me some feed back and advice, I hear everything your sayin there is a few parts were it breaks off or kinda starts fresh on the next line ya know what i mean but it seems to work and flow pretty well and gets my points accross all and all its probs my fav piece ive wrote in the time ive been writing

but ya it could probably still use some polishing and mayb re-arrangin/ editin but it works for now and ive had a couple people tell me its inspirational which was partly my goal in writing it aswell as just to let it out and let it be known that i love hip hop hahaha but anyways....
the beat i like to flow it over is AZ - A.W.O.L.

and by the way i will likely be postin up a few other pieces of work i wrote up some time this weekend so if youd like to check them out one day when you get a chance any and all feed back is appericiated thanks a lot

[Checkerboard]

Exactly What Sick said. You gotta help the reader too. Decent piece, nice content. AZ, Nas, influence, i cant tell who else since im busy making a beat. Liked your lines, liked your flow, just the structure choppiness took way from it.

[emcee danger]

it was a decent piece. the flow was off, and a lot of it was forced. as i read it, i found a few spots where the wording could've been a lot better. some lines didn't even rhyme, and you rhymed big with big. to be about your love for hip-hop, you didn't mention as many names as i expected. you had a clump of L, pac, and biggie at one part, and maybe one or two others in other places. just expected more out of it. overall, 7/10.

[Mic~Tyson]

Hey Emcee Danger you have miss my big picture its not just about a love for hip hop man..... its much more about betterin your life by doing what you love... and the reason theres not mention of more artist is because its not about that!!!...its not about them!!!.... like i said its about betterin yourself its mostly about me BETTERING MYSELF so why would i talk bout other artists when its about my struggle and they have nothing to do with it (ya they can inspire but they dont pick you up and get you moving....that u have to do yourself.... you have to have ambition!! which i talked about) the only line that speaks of artist is "so you see im plottin big
like L, Pac, And Big.....the rhyme is not just big and big its Plottin Big, Pac and Big (see the rhyme [pac and, rhymes with plottin]) and the referral or point of the line is this..... Big L, Big, and Pac all plotted big they all had goals that they strived for before every tasting success so im sayin i have dreams and without them you aint rich by any means which could be takin two ways....without dreamin/wishes for something you will not be rich/wealthy but the way i mean it is this without dreams which to me is thought, hopes/wishes, imagination without these things you as a person are not rich as a person your not worth much you can be a millionare.... but if you dont dream your missing something... you must be lost in some way if you have no dreams ambition or goals to strive for..... that is really my point of the song..... its not to showcase my love of hip hop!!! i do that always becuase i am hip hop i do that in alll my writtins in all the things i speak of and do cuz i am livin hip hop i am concious HIP HOP anyways just thought id write this because you totally missed the concept behide my song so i figured id paint it out for ya as clearly as i could so maybe youll be able to see and read it through my eyes myh point of view but if not thats cool too i still vary much apperciate the feedback its just that u seem to be missin my picture emcee danger so i hope this shines a new light on my written but iif not thats all good too


p.s. i just got a condenser mic sooo im hopin to record and mix some stuff this week ( wont be great cuz im no pro) but itll allow you to see how i flow it and tie everything together it really does flow through vary nicely when i spit it but ya ill send you a link to my recorded song if i end up recordin that is lol...but ya that way you can see the complete package....anyways once agian thanks for all the feed back

[emcee danger]

i now understand what you meant.. however. at the same time, your reader/listener must be able to understand your concept fromt the beginning to know what you're really trying to say. i feel like it was a little deep, but still kinda' basic. in no way am i trying to hate or bring you down. it's just that i as a reader must understand it from the time i begin to the time i finish, and obviously as you pointed out, this piece failed to measure up in that perspective.