I've Got Nothing Left

[Spoken Deity]

I've got nothing left

I’ve got nothing left,
Hands lash out for ashes
of past desires of your warmth.
Dust covers the memories of
our once flourishing love.
My mind seeks to comprehend
why God loathed us enough
to let loose this flood
of vile spirits,
Bent on gnashing away
at our crutches of moral support
until we were hopelessly
drowning in our own being…

A sea of red mirrors our
cracked reflection,
Maybe a true picture of ourselves;
I want to smash it
allow the ripples to destroy
my unsanctified image…

But ten delicate fingers are signs
of these splintered fists,
Leaving shards of past truths
falling heavy like an
autumn mist....


I’ve got nothing left,
My grip isn’t tight enough to
hold onto the whispers of the wind,
voices of what used to be…

My life
My bride
My love….

Come back to me

[Spoken Deity]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-375070.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-375132.html

[Uben. Sonned]

Nice peice man.
The topic was good shows what your going through.
(I do believe this about your woman)
Flow was good, I liked the way it was read in my head.
Emotion was a very good touch.

But ten delicate fingers are signs
of these splintered fist,
Leaving shards of past truths
falling heavy like an
autumn mist....

Personally liked that alot

It was a good poem I enjoyed the Reading...

HIT N RUN
Feed The Neglected by Uben and Kustum.

[Spoken Deity]

uppin

[Jamhuri]

strikes me as very carefully thought out. After reading it, i can feel the emotion you felt. maybe lesser maybe more. The last line came as a surprise coz u sounded resigned to your state. Dint expect you'd want her back. Twas a good 1 man. The message wasnt encrypted in big words and all. came right through.

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-375399.html
for you sir...






well written piece. I think you captured all the big points you could really capture in a topic like this... there's a lot you didn't catch hold of but you definitely covered the bigger parts of the subject. I liked the mirrors stanza, pretty cool... the whole piece is pretty sad as a whole... it's something SOME of us may have to deal with in the future... losing everyone and everything dear to you, whether it all leaves us intentionally or by death, it's gonna happen to some of us... it's a sad thought, but you grasped the truths of it... good job....



- Cry

[Al Extremo]

Right, so i wrote something similar to this here lately, mine came out nice, yours is better. emotionally, your poem was really there you know i was feeling how you felt and thinking what you in this scenario would think so props for emotion. like Cry has already pointed out more attention could've been paid to detail but at the same time i think as you progress this will become something you do regularly. wasn't too short or long. good story i personally enjoyed the story alot because of your emotion. Good drop.

[Spoken Deity]

uppin?

[P. Mortuus]

First stanza was good, eased right into the core of the poem. I liked the gnashed away line, haven't used that word or seen it used for a while. You put lose instead of loose...like let loose this flood.
I think it should be a sea of red, but see can be used as for like you see red when looking into the cracked reflection....I would have used something else instead of smash, that word just seems not to fit in with the more elegant lines that came previously. Unsactified..good word choice.... you should have put an s after fist to make it make sense....pretty good end, the last couple of lines added to the quality in my opinion. Overall, a good poem.

[Spoken Deity]

thanks man...fucking typos

[Jawn Raw]

this wasn't bad at all, word choice was really inspiring and the imagery was really strong. this piece was very short but it packed a punch. the overall message with the storyline worked well and was straight. the creativity was pretty strong throughout it. theres not much i could say lacked about this except the length of this piece. this has much potential to deserve a nom, I'll have to stop by and read this again before i make my mind up on it but it is def a nice piece.

[Spoken Deity]

thank you sir...

[Messiah.]

Very nice piece here my dude, very well written. You drew me in straight from the first few lines which i always like when im reading a poem, that i get hooked straight away. I thought the main point of this, well that stood out for me anyway was your imagery, i damn near saw everything that you were describing which leads me to say your descriptions and content were of a very good standard with your emotion help keep it right up there. Overall a great piece my man, thanks for the read.

-Messy.

[Lestat]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-376247.html



very nice poem. I really like where you took the overall concept of LOSING EVERYTHING or HAVING NOTHING. Came out very well my friend. I agree with where Cry was coming from as far as far as....

there's a lot you didn't catch hold of but you definitely covered the bigger parts of the subject

.. but what you DID have was real thorough man. Very emotion piece, loads of sadness was poured over this cake man. Keep it up.

[Spoken Deity]

hit this