Intrest of digust to discuss.....

[kami.kaze]

Now lemme start by saying i'm not crazy.
I just have an obscene bloodlust kinda like a vampire.
I enjoy the style taste and texture of my victims.
But don't go off saying this is some horrorcore shit.
cause i don't enjoy speaking of killing and the dead like that.
I find it quite disrespectful.
now back to my problem i have an intrest to discuss.
the disgust of my thoughts and plots to kill lots.
kill many plenty enough to become the next charles manson.
drinking blood from skulls and craniums how is that disturbing.
Blood is very high in protien and so pure and so clean.
Hoping that i'll stop but i can keep going...
On and on with this simular distaste for the human anatomy.
but no back to the topic on hand.
i demand an explination to your assumtions i'm not crazy oh no.
actually quite sane.
If i was insane how could i get away with such horrendous crimes
Maybe because i am crazy and it's just in my mind,
subliminal messages being sent with in my brain.
The thought to break bones and cause pain.
Is a mere reaction to what i've bin through.
And now you begin to see why my intrest of disgust should be discussed...


I dunno kinda sick made this one really fast not really paying attention lemme know what ya think

[kami.kaze]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-382231.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ap-382202.html

[®andom]

*edit*

[antology]

You got alot of elevating to do in my opinion man, to me this really didnt rhyme at all, mainly because your wordplay was all over the place and threw your flow off. You should also try putting multis into your peices to help them flow a bit better. But keep writing.

[Tri Star]

lol....ok, by all mean...let's discuss...

i like the conversational tone of the piece but.......u didn't rhyme! But i wouldn't categorize this as a poem....im not sure why. But yeah, just work on some rhymes and u'll be aiite.

[NapT@cUlar]

I didnt see not one part in that rap that rhymed to be honest it was so trash i only read like the first 6-7 lines before i just quit readin it all in all i might be a noob but i rhyme and i'm pretty good at doin not tryin to hate or knock ya flo it just need to go

[_Lyrics]

you need some work, flow was misplaced and would pick up sporadically, you would fit 3 or 4 multis in one line and try to keep it going internally, it wouldn't work recording this, at the end of the bars theres nothing to fall on. the content was decent, from the topic i thought this was going to be way better. work on keeping a steady flow going and keep focused on the underlying message you want to point across.

[Dayvid Aimz]

Yeah I agree with Tri-star....this could be a rap just put some rhymes in it you know...As a poem it wouldn't have to rhyme. BUt I don't really think you were writing a poem.

Also...you had alot of grammar errors like mispellings and shit....work on that.

Wanna see you drop a piece with some multies and internals....peace and stay up.