'Food For Thought'

[Seyance]

Food For Thought

Vivid emerald grass swaying in the cool breeze
Every blade excited, playing with the new leaves
Its a true beauty, skies azure like the blue seas
This vision of perfection's enough to set you free
The pillowed clouds dance around the suns rays
Hoping to catch the smile they give you one day
Some say they do actions purposely the fun way
Hidden away practicing jus' til we've begun may.
The gentle heat, massagin every inch of my skin
I lie back & stretch, contentness sinking right in
Slowly reaching up.. as my hand pinches my chin
I feel a painful jerk, my concious, i think is lying..

My chest feels heavy Im findin it hard to breathe
Just don't tell me, i woke up after half a dream
Fear penetrates my lungs and i start to weeze
God, 'Let me continue with the other half i plead!'
Openin' my eyes, I'm peerin down to the depths
Seeing the football laid unfound on my chest,
A young boy runs over who I so loudly address
But cut off quickly, as he is sounding distressed
'Can we have our ball mister?' i nervously smile..
His was the clearest voice, i've heard in a while,
Standing up I kick the ball & it curls to the child
Blissfully happy again, free like birds in the wild..

I take my previous position and closin' my eyes
Hoping to discover a dream, suppose i might fly..
But confronted instead.. with filthy red stains
These splattered brick walls were dead strange,
Closing my eyes again to hide this awful sight.
I've returned to the park, like i thought i might
Looked up and squinting when i saw the light
I sneezed and perceived that it was all alright..
What was that place, why'd it make me scared
Now I've returned but why did it take me there
It's not serious, so why did it make me swear?
I sat ridgid, studied the tree with a shakey stare

It softened and smudged, what's it offering up
A question first answered by nothing, but look
Now I can clearly picture the rotting of wood..
A true miracle, like stories you got in a book,
The tree evaporates it's taking this world apart
Blackness comes right in, then the whirling starts
I throw up, & feeling like i've hurled my heart.
I see exactly the same, bare brick walls again,
I try calling names, but realise it's all in vain..
Look down & see I'm back with this ball n chain
The biggest head connected to smallest frame,
I'm small n frail.. paralysed in a savage way
Pleading for that spot back, in my happy place.

[Dayvid Aimz]

This was dope it was real dreamy....and the imagery was top-notch.
I could imagine someone like on their lawn in a lwan chair on a summer day.
Just kinda you know, laying there and Daydreaming...then the kids next dorr interrupted for a sec.
Then you get right back to dreaming but it starts getting nightmarish.......
I liked how the ball n chain lines were and allusion to the footbali in a way:


see exactly the same, bare brick walls again,
I try calling names, but realise it's all in vain..
Look down & see I'm back with this ball n chain
The biggest head connected to smallest frame,
this weren't the best lines in the piece but they were real descriptive IMO...
really liked these lines...it brought the rest of the ideas together.

nice drop man....if you got time hit this up for me:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-359808.html

pz and stay up.

[noncentz]

i have to ask why this was slept on? all the elements were here this was fire in somany definitions in the word this was a splendid read i felt it and am proud to see real hiphop still lives in people who can appreciate the music

[Mr.Write]

Now this read here was just a nice piece put together. real clean and really out there ya know... nothing was really off tune or off beat with flow and what not. your content showed that you didnt have to VOCAB SLAUGHTER the damn piece just to show your versitility in style lyrics man. this piece speaks for itself and really showed emotion and the metaphors some were just twisted around from known concepts or THOUGHT OF concepts and used in another way and you pulled it off nicely with no let ups man. nice piece here seyance... been a while since i have read anything from you...stay writing dude

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...pt-360700.html
^^hit that in return please

[SMZ]

i like this - a lot of the rhymes were perfect for poetry - and by that i mean, they didn't throw off ur storytelling/moodsetting/imagery at all - practically unnoticeable other than creating their rhythm - of course there were couple minor hiccups... but couple lines i particularly liked were the 'clearest voice' line and ur ending couplet - good stuff - keep at it

[Seyance]

This is like 3 years old, but props.

[SMZ]

just wanted to hit you back... saw this was something with not many responses

i'm trying to make sure i keep learning this time round... read more ppls ish, make sure i hit everybody back - listen to all criticisms even if my first instinct is to say it's offbase... when does ss start again, do you know? ... wish i still had recording capability

[dreaming_awake]

Wow this is really great man. I'm glad SMZ brought this back up to the front. I love the imagery in the first section, and then the transition from dream to reality then returning instead to a nightmare. At least that's how it seemed to me...still a mindwarp man I really dug it. This should have gotten a nom man.

I think the first section describing the dream, and then the transition to the nightmare were my favorite parts of this. It just comes off so vivid. In all honesty though, I liked this piece in it's entirety.