Devil's Sideshow

[P. Mortuus]

Frictional forces frighten the fictional
soldiers that heighten the inner correctional
Unit named depression- suppression of joy
regression of ploys- lead to erections of coy
men playing tricks on toy women- I look
down yonder ploughs a prostitute with a hook
only there’s no fields, only men with cheque books
In the cranny & nooks of town live plenty of crooks
that delve through books of worth- they took
what they took- yet I rode away bareback
forget attack- there’s nothing I lack that can’t
be fulfilled with a bottle of whiskey- it kills
me that I have to take it with pills see it spills
down the bills I produce & the barmaid stills
glaring at my face she shrills when I fall till
the barman comes over to play host to my ills
Kills me to see the look on his face when he
notices the dribbling me- lying to his mercy
I curse when he smiles so sheepishly he isn’t
bothered about me finishing my meal- a fission
occurs when he wheels away the mission
men hold mission bells & they hold signs of hell
drifting on smoke they toke on leafs- so broke
that their tops only cover their knees- coked
out their brains they speak of me as a gain
for them to please some entity again
out to notice the grey day yet isn’t it May
no sun nor sky & birds fly away
as I sway like some voodoo
doll I go dark in spots
blots of crimson appear in parts
of my body I’m too smart to stop
& really believe I was shot
Then I remember
the only reason I was at the tavern
was on trial to find the cavern
looks like I had passed long ago
& the liquor, women & bar
were only the devil’s sideshow

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-345081.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-344770.html

[P. Mortuus]

bump in the trunk.

[CzeN ChamP]

this was a good peice. i liked the style you chose on this peice. this style never really appealed to me, but seemed to fit perfectly with your choice here. The flow was good, but abit choppy in some places, but then was picked back up by the next line. Imagery was real nice here, along with the emotion put into it. Sorry i didnt give GREAT feed, as im not too great at this, just starting up on it really. overal 8/10 imo.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-345179.html
^^ Hit that Please ^^

[P. Mortuus]

thanks i'll get that piece asap.

[Messiah Kaeto]

OOooh, .. Nicely nicely, ..

The flow for this was superb!! Once I caught on to where it was going it didn't fall off what-so-ever, .. A real smoothness to the way you handled this dude, ..

Kills me to see the look on his face when he
notices the dribbling me- lying to his mercy
I curse when he smiles so sheepishly he isn’t
bothered about me finishing my meal- a fission
occurs when he wheels away the mission
men hold mission bells & they hold signs of hell
drifting on smoke they toke on leafs- so broke
that their tops only cover their knees- coked
out their brains they speak of me as a gain
for them to please some entity again

Loved that part especially, .. really managed to capture the essence of the whole piece, .. The imagery you used was of a very high quality..!!

as I sway like some voodoo
doll I go dark in spots
blots of crimson appear in parts
of my body I’m too smart to stop
& really believe I was shot

Likewise for that part also, .. It had a very high level of description - I realliy enjoyed it all the more for that reason..

All in all man, .. a decent drop - I'm impressed, as always, with your workings.

Keep it coming man.

Peace & God Bless.

If you also get the time, please check my latest piece - It's been slept on a bit, .. much to my annoyance haha...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ty-344559.html

[Soule]

Ending was choppy in my oppinion but the rest of it was great. Wonderful wording, it was thought up and placed perfectly. The Emotion was streight forward. The iamgery was cool. The peice was original and creative. Right up your alley in my oppinion. Keep writing and work on ending your work.

Link will be given shortly.

[LedgenZ]

You know what pissing me off about his piece is that I actually responded to it almost as quickly as you dropped it, but the fucking library computer froze just as I was about to submit my reply (freaking Apple piece of shit). By the way, that's a true story man (((lol))). Sorry it took me so long to re-reply though, but I've been lethargic as hell lately. Anyway, this was defiantly an interesting piece, a bit vague it's meaning, but the wording was superb. You had tons of great spurts here and there with a lot of complex rhymes. As far as I'm concerned your are among the best at designing intricate rhyme patterns. Your flow never ceases to amaze me and your take on topics is always original. Your one of the few writers on this site that possess his own unique style, I could recognize one of your pieces even if you changed name and alias (don't hold me to that). But disregard all that gibberish above, cause what I'm really trying to say it that this verse was dope!


Favorite lines:

men playing tricks on toy women- I look
down yonder ploughs a prostitute with a hook
only there’s no fields, only men with cheque books
In the cranny & nooks of town live plenty of crooks
that delve through books of worth- they took

^First off I loved the flow here, it click, clicked, clack. Second off all that line about the hooker was dope, nice wordplay. 3rdly the language was beautiful. Good job!


Also:

forget attack- there’s nothing I lack that can’t
be fulfilled with a bottle of whiskey- it kills
me that I have to take it with pills see it spills
down the bills I produce & the barmaid stills
glaring at my face she shrills when I fall till
the barman comes over to play host to my ills
Kills me to see the look on his face when he
notices the dribbling me- lying to his mercy
I curse when he smiles so sheepishly he isn’t
bothered about me finishing my meal- a fission
occurs when he wheels away the mission
men hold mission bells & they hold signs of hell
drifting on smoke they toke on leafs- so broke
that their tops only cover their knees- coked
out their brains they speak of me as a gain
for them to please some entity again
out to notice the grey day yet isn’t it May
no sun nor sky & birds fly away
as I sway like some voodoo
doll I go dark in spots
blots of crimson appear in parts
of my body I’m too smart to stop

^Yeah, nothing to really separate here, that entire portion was dope. Great imagery, nasty rhymes, and complex speech. A lot to be admired even if I don't completely understand your aim.

BTW what the fuck was this piece about, to me it reminded me of some Charles Dickens shit, full of grim and ghostly visuals, dark and dim with a hopeless existence. I don't know...just seems like you were in a bar, drunk of your ass watching your life go by as dark and uneventful scenarios play themselves out around you. Still dope though. Stay up B.P.!




pZ

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks man.....and I honestly have no idea what the piece is about myself, it's open to interpretation lol.