"Change Clothes"

[Rah Gwahn]

What's the sound of
checkered shoes tapping?
The sound of tight jeans
and mini guitar heroes,
band tees, who's music hasn't
grown old and
away; yet leaves the scene,
'seems like these kids need
a theme.

Is that the sound of
age eleventeen Pink Floyd fans?
Quite quintessential of
a generation owned
by screenagers -
forty nine percent download,
Are you prone to scream?
It seems like these kids need
a theme.

I hear the sound of
creative juices flowing;
gushing from the jugular of
a hunted bird. Slain from the wings,
but nobody stops the show.
Fight with me brother, in vinyl dreams
we are the last few to see:
It seems like these kids need
a theme.

[Rah Gwahn]

Links coming, yadadyadyada

Give me a little while, but you can trust me. I'll even get 3 links And that's 3 very happy people.
Probably take me like 2 days at the MOST to find proper opportunities to write decent feed, i'd appreciate it if you left this up.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6221807

[Soule]

What's the sound of
checkered shoes tapping?
The sound of tight jeans
and mini guitar heroes,
band tees, who's music hasn't
grown old and
away; yet leaves the scene,
'seems like these kids need
a theme.

The wording was pretty cool in this stanza. Loved the The sound of tight jeans and mini guitar heroes line. Very vivid as far as imagery goes through. It all flowed very well man.

Is that the sound of
age eleventeen Pink Floyd fans?
Quite quintessential of
a generation owned
by screenagers -
forty nine percent download,
Are you prone to scream?
It seems like these kids need
a theme.

Loved this stanza bro. The Is that the sound of age eleventeen Pink Floyd fans? Line was fucking beautiful. Your imagery was very wonderous and I could see the shit vividly. Flow came right off the top of my head and I couldn't see why this would drive a reader away.

I hear the sound of
creative juices flowing;
gushing from the jugular of
a hunted bird. Slain from the wings,
but nobody stops the show.
Fight with me brother, in vinyl dreams
we are the last few to see:
It seems like these kids need
a theme.

Really nice ending. Fight with me brother, in vinyl dreams we are the last few to see: just wow dude. This really deliver for a finishing stanza dude. Imagery did not let me down, did some nice comparing. And all in all, really felt it was a poeticly wonderful stanza.

The wording through this whole piece was something that edged out the flow really nicely. I never would have thought you'd let me down with this piece. And you didn't. The concept was really good, and that continuous line was great. Vividly perfected imagery dude, I could see everything. Descriptives were wonderful. Flow was really catchy dude and slithered right of the mind. All in all, imagery and flow .. it's behind the imagery and flow that makes this such a good piece. Nominated.

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-360951.html
incase you forgot.

[Jon]

Hell, I'm not leaving feed like Bell, but I'll leave my 2 cents.

I think this piece was very, random. Lol, I mean, it hit some points and made me think about what the hell you were going with this, but you weren't going anywhere with it, which confused me. Maybe I'm too shallow minded to understand the depth of this piece? Or maybe it wasn't intended to be deep, and to me that question makes poetry. It exercises your brain. Anyways, crazy shit for real...

I was sitting here drooling on this creative line...

I hear the sound of
creative juices flowing;
gushing from the jugular of
a hunted bird. Slain from the wings,
but nobody stops the show.

Good shit.

[Rah Gwahn]

Thanks, up for one more at least?

[LedgenZ]

See, this is the type of poetry I enjoy; poetry that has a theme and a central focus. And I like the expansive and cohesive wordplay that runs rampant throughout this entire piece. However, I'm not sure what the overall message was suppose to be . But for what it's worth I did take something way from this piece. In my interpretation, I thought it was about how the Internet is sort of killing the live music scene. And how, raw, gritty, and organic bands of yesterday are slipping away into oblivion. And it's not because their music is less relative today, but more so, because it's more accessible. With all the downloads, ringtones, Ipods, and jumpdrives; who really needs to go to a concert or venue to hear live music? I mean it's literally only a click a way -- no matter where you are in the world? It's like with all the commercialization and mass consumption nowadays, we are truly loosing the soul and spirit of the music. And I think this empty void is felt by all, which is why a confused public keeps frantically searching and downloading for the fulfillment they lack and miss. Oh in other words, "It seems like these kids need a theme." Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem Slaught. It was short and very vibrient. It didn't come across preachy, but it did seem to be addressing or bring awarness to some creative issues within our culture and or society (for lack of a better phrase).



Favorite Lines:

Is that the sound of
age eleventeen Pink Floyd fans?
Quite quintessential of
a generation owned
by screenagers -
forty nine percent download,
Are you prone to scream?
It seems like these kids need
a theme.

^Hell yeah, word up to that! Whatever the fuck it means. LOL. You got me all pumped up and ready for revolution and I don't even know why. So this shit must be good. =)


On the real though, good read as always. Stay up.



pZ

[Syk.iLL]

Pros - I loved the wordplay and the informal rhymescheme in the piece. THis piece had focus and came with a message. I like how you made the piece personal in the last stanza so it wasn't just you preaching. Some great imagery and the diction was great.

Cons - The scream sticks out like a sore thumb though in the middle of the second stanza. It messes with the flow and rhythm in my opinion. Emotion doesnt really come through till the very last few lines.

Overall - Nice piece taht came with a message. Good imagery though emotional content can be a bit improved

[.SuiGeneris.]

The Concept was good, I like your view on things. It seem's to me you wanted to say 'hip-hop is dead' and the kids needed something new to hear. Same concept in every song. The Vinyl line kind of gave it away. We need more of that old school swagga and concept back in the day right now. Your wordplay's was dope, really took me in. The Best part of this piece was your view and focus on the concept and the way you approached it another way. The bad part of the piece is that it really didn't had that 'feel', but nonetheless, good job.

[Märtyr]

LOL @ Screenagers, very clever. Overall, this piece, to say the least, was clever to me.. although the message that is being sent is out in the open, this to me, was still very though provoking, and it's the type of thing I'd write about. I know it may seem unorthodox, because how smoothly this piece reads, but I think the use of enjambment may have made it more readly friendly, at least, that's my opinion. But none-the-less this piece was dope, ill, awesome, all that.

Again, thanks for the feed on my poem, let's collab.