Calibers of Hell & Heaven: 8th Plague

[Rivalyn]

Calibers of Hell & Heaven
By: Rivalyn(1st) & Soulstice(2nd)



Chambers of beasts fill the room; drenched in bloody stains
pits of fire, pools of flames; creatures wrapped in heated chains
torso pieces scattered everywhere, with no life contained
& chimnies of heat impale flesh, until nothing ripe remains
violent screams of bliss send chills through ones corpus
& visions condemn brains; twisting thoughts into the vortex
demonic screams flood ears of souls being slaughtered
Venus fly traps the size of tree's; growing with out water
skies filled with black clouds, no sunshine in sight
in the pits of hell the beasts are inferior to light
superior at night; they deprive all, rising to the gates
negativity prevails; and they strive off rushing floods of hate
crushing all in their wake; ogres trot & grunt with their maces
.attending their guard duties; defending their bases
Sins are commited;, "six" is chanted and rasped
"It shall all end soon", is what they said with a laugh
Satan yells out orders as the new arrivals pour In
........none of them realise their souls are all for him




The base of the mountain, to the peak wherein lies the most spacious of fountains
Where nymphs bathe in the water it is sacredly spouting
Men patient, devout, sing hymns of praise, of simple days
As the sun rises again and the little clouds wisp away
An intricate maze of pillars and statues built to Jesus
There's churches where righteous men willfully spill their peaces
Until the feasts, yes, at the long table where God says grace
And the angels feast upon a meal and witness his awesome face
Here it's commonplace for the Sebalim to sing the best of hymns
While the Seraphim read passages from the Testaments
It's evident that there's no better place among the clouds
Where any common man can wear his tungsten crown
No corrupted crowds - just good men and the great God
Where the thefts, murders, arson, and rapes stop
Where hate not dares travel, because Heaven is for lovers
Where there's never a cold winter, angels just revel in the summer

[Soulstice]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...251/index.html

[Rivalyn]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...036/index.html

[Puncha Blurta]

ima leave proper feed on this soon, but for now here's some of the bars that stuck out as dope:

demonic screams flood ears of souls being slaughtered
Venus fly traps the size of tree's; growing with out water
Sins are commited;, "six" is chanted and rasped
"It shall all end soon", is what they said with a laugh
Satan yells out orders as the new arrivals pour In
........none of them realise their souls are all for him

Here it's commonplace for the Sebalim to sing the best of hymns
While the Seraphim read passages from the Testaments
No corrupted crowds - just good men and the great God
Where the thefts, murders, arson, and rapes stop
Where hate not dares travel, because Heaven is for lovers
Where there's never a cold winter, angels just revel in the summer

^^ both closers were killer, other bits were patchy, i'll feed properly soon yo
props

[Rivalyn]

Feed.

[143]

I like how you gave a difinative median between heaven and hell in the verse plus it show that you have some knowledge by the naming of angels. (fellas do ya homework!) the vocab as much the point as well as the background here to the image you portrayed and caught myself looking at the pics while reading the drop. Very good and didn't overdo it with an unneeded chorus. Some drops don't need it and this is definately one.
Excellent.


Feed on my quick drop "Comedy16"

[Rivalyn]

Thank, and will do.

[Octothorpe]

Great job! (Dante's beefing though but I wouldn't be too scared because it's all in old Italian)

[Rivalyn]

Feed.

[Puncha Blurta]

lol, DUBBLEPOST oops

[Puncha Blurta]

Chambers of beasts fill the room; drenched in bloody stains
pits of fire, pools of flames; creatures wrapped in heated chains
good opener, good imagery
torso pieces scattered everywhere, with no life contained
& chimnies of heat impale flesh, until nothing ripe remains
this could've been worded better, imagery is still there though
violent screams of bliss send chills through ones corpus
& visions condemn brains; twisting thoughts into the vortex
dope
demonic screams flood ears of souls being slaughtered
Venus fly traps the size of tree's; growing with out water
this is my favorite bar of the whole piece
skies filled with black clouds, no sunshine in sight
in the pits of hell the beasts are inferior to light
eh, wording again still needs work
superior at night; they deprive all, rising to the gates
negativity prevails; and they strive off rushing floods of hate
another bar i think needs polishing
crushing all in their wake; ogres trot & grunt with their maces
.attending their guard duties; defending their bases
this bars cool
Sins are commited;, "six" is chanted and rasped
"It shall all end soon", is what they said with a laugh
Satan yells out orders as the new arrivals pour In
........none of them realise their souls are all for him
both closing bars are on point

The base of the mountain, to the peak wherein lies the most spacious of fountains
Where nymphs bathe in the water it is sacredly spouting
cool opener, nymphs are sexy
Men patient, devout, sing hymns of praise, of simple days
As the sun rises again and the little clouds wisp away
nice imagery, not really feelin this bar though
An intricate maze of pillars and statues built to Jesus
There's churches where righteous men willfully spill their peaces
ok, i like this maze
Until the feasts, yes, at the long table where God says grace
And the angels feast upon a meal and witness his awesome face
lol at his awesome face ;D AWESOME! hahaha sitting there witha big cheesy grin, both thumbs up lmao, this bars cool
Here it's commonplace for the Sebalim to sing the best of hymns
While the Seraphim read passages from the Testaments
cool
It's evident that there's no better place among the clouds
Where any common man can wear his tungsten crown
ok
No corrupted crowds - just good men and the great God
Where the thefts, murders, arson, and rapes stop
Where hate not dares travel, because Heaven is for lovers
Where there's never a cold winter, angels just revel in the summer
nice closer

Overall this was a good piece, both verses had little stumbles in them I felt where the wording could've been slightly better and on the whole neither piece was doing anything new for me. They both explored very obvious themes using a lot of predictable imagery but both featured some really unique moments too:

violent screams of bliss send chills through ones corpus
& visions condemn brains; twisting thoughts into the vortex
demonic screams flood ears of souls being slaughtered
Venus fly traps the size of tree's; growing with out water

^^ these 2 bars from Rival where fresh as fuck and there were the bars in Souls verse that described this big heavenly angelic feast on the go, they were quite cool too.
i think Soul got landed with the butt end of this topic though as heaven is a lot more tame than hell and it can be quite difficult to write something interesting about something so 'nice' and 'good'.

but yeah in short, the problem for me was that on the whole neither verses explored anything new and they both dealt with their subject matter in a very predictable way. what was cool is that on the whole they were delivered really well and the imagery was really well realised.

over all a dope drop, all criticisms intended to be 100% constructive, props 2 both heads, respect.


*when I say that both pieces were predictable, I mean U both chose to describe heaven and hell in a very standard way, it would be interesting to see a fresh take on the places but you described the standard idea of heaven and hell very well.

[Rivalyn]

Thanks.

[Rivalyn]

Feed,

[Vitalsyn]

Nice peice guys, too bad there isn't an earth, but oh well! lmao.

My favorite of Rivas's lines:

Chambers of beasts fill the room; drenched in bloody stains
pits of fire, pools of flames; creatures wrapped in heated chains
torso pieces scattered everywhere, with no life contained
& chimnies of heat impale flesh, until nothing ripe remains
violent screams of bliss send chills through ones corpus
& visions condemn brains; twisting thoughts into the vortex
superior at night; they deprive all, rising to the gates
negativity prevails; and they strive off rushing floods of hate


Okay Riv, you came pretty hard.. I meen this verse is definatly dope. Your rhyme scheme was nice, and the multies that you used were on point, its just that your flow chopped up here and there. There were some places you could have added or taken a word or two to make it sound better, you know? Thats why i just read over my shit a million times until I think its right. You told a good story, I havn't read much on a topic like this, you explained it well. The picture was pretty cool, but you really got into depth about the creation and what its like to be there. I could imagine it, & i agree , lol. You used good metaphors and that also made this peice well written. Good shit homey.


My favorite of Souls lines:

The base of the mountain, to the peak wherein lies the most spacious of fountains
Where nymphs bathe in the water it is sacredly spouting
Men patient, devout, sing hymns of praise, of simple days
As the sun rises again and the little clouds wisp away
An intricate maze of pillars and statues built to Jesus
There's churches where righteous men willfully spill their peaces
Where hate not dares travel, because Heaven is for lovers
Where there's never a cold winter, angels just revel in the summer


Soul, I felt like you came dope in this too man. Right off the bat, your flow was on point and you used a good way of multies, For like the first 4 to 6 lines. I like your rhyme scheme, it's not to complicated but flows well. Towards the end it started to get a little choppy though, and you can work on that no problem. As far as your metaphors and sim's went, I thought you did very well explaining heaven and its domain. You went a little outside the box, because the picture was nice.. but very simple, and the way you described it was awsome cause you would really have to go on a diff. level you know. But good shit my man, I thought you did very well in that verse, and I'll definatly read more from you in the future.

Overall - Both of you guys came hot, I liked this peice alot, sure its missing a earth, but reguardless, you guys came nice.. And keep writin 'n shit ill start readin and feedin and shit cuz you guys are good. Keep it up.

pzout

[Rivalyn]

Thank you sir.