Broken Hearts and Forgotten Stars

[Spekz.]

Broken Hearts and Stars

Brow tightens with angst,
juggling emotions;
dropping the ball.
my heart flutters like a fallen feather,
but crashes like ton of bricks.
Smiles enlighten me - curiosity
endores even the slightest lie,
for in reality truth seems fantasy.

Dare I dream for love that isn't laced
Fiending for deceit - for the pain
bleeds like a tightened wrist.
Wishing on fallen stars - to fall
along with them, and dance
upon the mosaic moon
preparing to crash into
my orbiting heart.

My love goes round
Merry, o Mary!
Merry, o Cherry!

Yet, I end up an astronaut
alone in the blackness,
grabbing hold of stars -
that are now only light.

She once was so bright,
twinkling on my blue cast eyes.
Now she is but a silhouette...
walking out on the dying sun.

fetal and alone
embarrassed behind my tears
yet I smile,
as I hide behind the rain.

Laying on my back
in therapy with the listening moon
he tells me to look into the deepness
of the hollow night...

Moon,
whispered on chocked back tears....
all i see are broken hearts....and forgotten stars.

[Spekz.]

illl get links tomorrow

bedtime.

[Masahiko.]

Great piece Spekz. Your emotion was felt throughout and your metaphors and wording pulled my own past love right out of me one line that stuck out and made my spine shake a little was:

Wishing on fallen stars - to fall
along with them, and dance
upon the mosaic moon

and then a long comes this line that really jerked my emotions about

Yet, I end up an astronaut
alone in the blackness,
grabbing hold of stars -
that are now only light.

followed up with "hiding behind the rain"

It's not the most unique metaphor but it really put the final period to the overall emotional feel of this poem. Maybe elaborate or tie it into the spaced theme a meteor shower perhaps? This poem seems pretty complete and didn't make me feel as if any holes where in this poem. I think some things could get a little tweak to make it perfection but this poem was pretty goddamn good for the topic most people take a earthly approach but I enjoyed the voidness of space feeling empty inside. It gave it more impact.

[Masahiko.]

Please find time to critique my work if you could, I haven't been shown much love.

[HighEngineChief]

This was alot of dopeness in SPACE lol, I like where your style is going, alot of alluding metaphores and similies, it really opens the writing up to more imagination and color which makes reading it alot more fun. The topic was pretty generic, love lost and what not you know, you wrote it, but the way you wrote was off the chain and showed a fat fucking growth of creativity. lol. Good to see your getting better and not worse, hope to see you in IE or PS or whatever,

yay yea son

[Soule]

As said before, this was pretty fuckin' dope man. It was interesting reading this to Methods of Mayhem music lmao! The wording and flow was pretty damn smooth dude, unlike most shit being posted these days...I didn't stutter. The imagery was pretty fucking dope dude. You have some incredible visuals in this poem. And for the most part, a very emotional piece. PM me for a collaboration sometime. I've been craving a third HOF in this forum for quite sometime now. If this isn't already nominated, I got you bro.

[Spekz.]

sneaks up

[Ctrl Alt Elite]

This piece was pretty amazing dude. I really enjoyed the read. I have to say my fave part was probably;

"Yet, I end up an astronaut
alone in the blackness,
grabbing hold of stars -
that are now only light.

She once was so bright,
twinkling on my blue cast eyes.
Now she is but a silhouette...
walking out on the dying sun.

fetal and alone
embarrassed behind my tears
yet I smile,
as I hide behind the rain."


I really liked that, The astronaut idea was real nice.

Your wording and vocabulary really was on point from beginning to end and it was a real nice concept that showed a lot of emotion and had some real dope imagery.

Please RTF on "Baby, I'm sorry" - My latest piece.

[Spoken Deity]

the best part about this was the use of the overall metaphor... It was consistent, deep, and for some reason, it was touching. The language you write is is always interesting, but the narrative in this was dope... I could see this being a bit longer and maybe even delivered as a spoken word. Dont know why...I just do.
Now, the other things within this were pretty good. A few places seemed a bit forced and need some tweaking. I think I'm referring to the stanza 3rd from the bottom.
However, along with that one critique is a a massive applause for the feather/brick line. That was a perfect line for the first stanza.

Enjoyed this mate. Hit the sig.