allow me to RE-introduce myself..

[Genocide]

eyo yo eyo.. just thinking about something.. dig it

he sits n he stirs, eyes closed..
staring at his lids with his visions disturbed
a lyricist -jotting down his image with words
a prisoner in his own world -this is his curse
another day alive on this miserable earth
with enough fuel for his fire to consider the worst
the bigger the hatred, the sicker his verse
life's a puzzle piece, but his isnt in the pictures..

style check..
everything around'em changed, styles aint the same -and his is out of date
the image i imagine is backwords -mirrored and about face, so march after it in that case
soul searchin for his own purpose, submerged beneath the surface
in the underground his servants are completely at his service
but that is worthless...

the transition, from multi syllable ammunition has him trying to examine sickness, but hes too much of his own man to listen, up n down idealistics, remind his inner design of a drive from pistons, in a divine existance, i was christened by the minds eye to defy the symptoms, symptomatically -i find the gifts inside to be shift asside, by the same kids who were once convinced that my blueprints were a glimpse from god..

so who can kick the beats n box, when history repeats n the beast unlocks..............? yeah yeah... to be cont... maybe

--=Adolf Spitler..


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...498/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...865/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...885/index.html

[Tommy Prophit]

Now THIS is more like it! This re-introduction was in all ways superior to your last one. It had good rhyme schemes and flowed smoothly in most parts. It seems that the person in these lyrics has a troubled mind and deeply ponders his thoughts of the ever changing world around him and his anger at the same time. But that's just a simple interpretation.
I look forward to reading more verses like this one from you.

One thing though, work on your verse's layouts. What i mean by that is that you gotta organize what you write, have it formally structured. Also, make sure you use correct grammar (putting commas and periods where needed, capitalizing) and spelling.

Favorite lines:
He sits and he stirs, eyes closed,
Staring at his lids with his visions disturbed.

With enough fuel for his fire to consider the worst,
The bigger the hatred, the sicker his verse.

So, from what i just read, you're not a bad writer at all. But from what i read in your previous try to diss to Cry and Engivale, you gotta put in a lot of work to become better at battling and dissing.

[Genocide]

appreciated..

[*Peedi*]

fucking AWESOME.....this is definetly more like it....this shit is jus.......anyway

"VersaTALITY" - With enough fuel for his fire to consider the worst,
The bigger the hatred, the sicker his verse.

i also agree on this...

everything around'em changed, styles aint the same -and his is out of date
the image i imagine is backwords -mirrored and about face, so march after it in that case
soul searchin for his own purpose, submerged beneath the surface
in the underground his servants are completely at his service
but that is worthless

this had strong possessive picturisms, every bar i hit i can picture myself right there... this was fuckin ILL....

the transition, from multi syllable ammunition has him trying to examine sickness, but hes too much of his own man to listen, up n down idealistics, remind his inner design of a drive from pistons, in a divine existance, i was christened by the minds eye to defy the symptoms

damn kidd jus ripped the shit rite out of its own words..... this is well thought out....

jus as versatility said, structure n format is needed....but the basics n parts of the Advanced.... u show good promise to fine rap...

[R.S._Phrases]

Dood, I'm totally diggin' this piece...

a prisoner in his own world -this is his curse
another day alive on this miserable earth
with enough fuel for his fire to consider the worst
the bigger the hatred, the sicker his verse

IMO, these few lines set tha tone for your rhyme...
DEF. intense.

soul searchin for his own purpose, submerged beneath the surface
in the underground his servants are completely at his service

Introspection, looking inward... Always a dope concept to me, & I really like tha word choice here... These lines flowed effortlessly...

so who can kick the beats n box, when history repeats n the beast unlocks

If you end up elaborating on this line, I think it would be niiice...
Good stuff!

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

so who can kick the beats n box, when history repeats n the beast unlocks


i took this to mean whoever makes beats or turns on beats n battles or spits, when it starts the beast comes back out but maybe im wrong lmao

i thought this piece was fuckin raw homey


with enough fuel for his fire to consider the worst
the bigger the hatred, the sicker his verse

this was my fav bar

[Genocide]

actually --this was the new rhyme scheme portrayed late;ly -slowly reduced into my old rhyme scheme.. the last bar was in accordance with the fact that history repeats.. so what im trying to say is this -the shyt you guys call dope today.. will be whats wack tomarrow.. becuase yesterday is whats good tonight... ya undadig.... and i just dropped three styles.. so ill never be soft