Taste of Flesh and Blood

[Quest.]

" Taste of Flesh and Blood"


what was taken from her, can never be regained
a promise vowed to save, was brutally ripped from it's restraints
all through out the rape, she screamed help but none came
but her attacker; finishing his meal to console his hunger pain
left there to lay, shivering,blooded and bruised face
privites left on display, but yet all the samples he'd ate
emotions mixed with hate, left speechless fueled in rage
all fingers point in her direction; she felt it was herself to blame
tears saturate her cheeks, for what happened she'll not speak
stashed away in her closet, beside the skeletons and freaks
but still though she thinks, through the cracks it leaks
from the back of her memory, a nightmare she'll forever weap
she wishes it was a dream, so then she can escape his reach
but every day begins with a simple question; Father why me?
never to be answered, just mirrored in recollection
every trait on her face; the attacker possessed in reflection
years of no protection, protesting the molesting
her salad was tossed, then topped by her fathers dressing



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post7750465
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...278/index.html

[SirusX 2.0]

*e*
*d*
*i*
*t*

nothing like a rape rap

[Quest.]

Uppin for more respectable feedback from a GOOD topical head not this homo

[Aco_KK]

fuck i liked this...

the imagery was sick

all through out the rape, she screamed help but none came
but her attacker; finishing his meal to console his hunger pain

i like the way you link hunger and rape...very smooth link you got going on here.

left there to lay, shivering,blooded and bruised face
privites left on display, but yet all the samples he'd ate

See once again, you use the imagery to talk about shivering and blood, then you mention the word "display" - which i interpreted as a buffet and people were taking samples. good lexical chain you got going on here. and the in line rhymes are good, even if they are just one syllable rhymes.

tears saturate her cheeks, for what happened she'll not speak
stashed away in her closet, beside the skeletons and freaks

instead of cheeks, even you got the in line rhyme going, my personal preference would be "lament" to rhyme with happened. although that would mean you have to change the wording of it. but it's still good.

but still though she thinks, through the cracks it leaks
from the back of her memory, a nightmare she'll forever weap
I interpreted the cracks as her skull was smashed in the rape...and all her memories are leaking out. good imagery going on here.

she wishes it was a dream, so then she can escape his reach
but every day begins with a simple question; Father why me?

This line was "ehhh" - i dont like the whole "father why me" everybody says father why me...very cliched. try and re word this part !! but still good.

never to be answered, just mirrored in recollection
every trait on her face; the attacker possessed in reflection

I like this part man, fuck man, you build up to something here. when you say every trait was in the reflection...thats an AWESOME BUILDUP, to the last bar. fucking awesome imagery.

years of no protection, protesting the molesting
her salad was tossed, then topped by her fathers dressing

i'm gonna be sick...which is good, means your getting the point across, but dude "her salad was tossed" bro...thats genius. damn i wish i came up with this...

awesome drop bro

think you could return the favor on my rant...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...371/index.html

[Quest.]

thanx for the feedback uppin

[SirusX 2.0]

Uppin for more respectable feedback from a GOOD topical head not this homo

word

[Iglosone]

finishing his meal to console his hunger pain
this to me came off as kind of forced.. the wording didn't really come off as to good

tears saturate her cheeks, for what happened she'll not speak
stashed away in her closet, beside the skeletons and freaks
I dug that.. nice 2nd line and I get a good flow in my head is I read it

never to be answered, just mirrored in recollection
every trait on her face; the attacker possessed in reflection
years of no protection, protesting the molesting
her salad was tossed, then topped by her fathers dressing
this is the only multi rhyme scheme I saw here.. it had promise to be the best lines.. but the ending to me came off silly.. like the wrong note in song.. you're trying to do a dark and serious type of piece and the way you wrote the last line just doesn't seem to fit with the feeling of the rest of it.. it's an okay drop.. I'd say to def. try and step up the rhymen'

[Quest.]

Iglo thanx for the pointers and thanx to aco for the feed

[Quest.]

uppp

[Soule]

This could've been hall of fame if either, the wording was fixed up in a few spots. Or it was longer and went deeper into the storyline. Nice job though. I enjoyed it in a sick and twisted way. Thought the fifth line should be fixed a bit. Blooded sounds wrong. Maybe you were aiming for bloody? Not sure but that sounds better to me. The ending was cool. But like I said, seemed a little too brief. This could've dived so much further. You put out the blueprint of the story and gave us a sample of your writing. I feel like if you spent more time and put more effort into this. You REALLY could've brought some attention bro. And finally would've got that medal you've been aiming for. But as it is. It's a good read, with a few flaws. Keep it up brother. Enjoyed the read. Hit up "Modern Art is (Con)Temporary.

[Quest.]

Thanx dag ill bring it my next OM and ill leave feed when I get home

[Straightaway]

Wow man , ..very tough subject to write up about .

-Had some strong kick lines which really stood out but thru some parts mainly the middle it needed some more umph!
I havnt seen much of your stuff before, guna keep my eye opened.

Pretty good drop man all together pretty hectik
keep doin.

-


-

[Quest.]

Thanx for the feed

[hypnotwist~]

i knew from reading the first line it was about rape.. as someone already posted, the imagery was the key factor in this.
a very good short piece. this could be a possible idea for a song?

"her salad was tossed, then topped by her fathers dressing"
^ the icing on the cake, showed you can be lyrical while telling a story.