User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 22

Thread: Who Am I?

  1. #1
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    31
    Posts
    14,916
    Battle Record
    15-0

    Who Am I?



    Who Am I?

    *TV turns on*

    Just a beautiful half-wit who's so in tune with her chapstick
    Since at last it's a new lip gloss leaving me doomed to be plastic
    I'd have to move to get passed this, but I have no care to win
    When I'm lost in a world of liquid comatose that's known as heroin
    I'm so embrassed - sad to say that I have no time for non-cents
    'Cause I got my cons down to a science, but then gained a conscience
    I remain in office, but I refrain from talking as a personal secretary
    Knowing I cause pain with my mouth...wondering if cursing's hereditary
    Every earth has a secondary; boys from Jupiter and girls from Mars
    And every heart has proportions while I hide them to reveal my scars
    To be real, it starts with a plan, but there's no demand for reality
    When I'm blinded by the false hopes that seem to speak back to me
    Actually, I'm not opposed to be being a square in a circle of friends
    But there's no purpose if you've never noticed where purposeful ends

    *Channel changes*

    It's obscene shit that makes me believe it's just an in-between glitch
    So I agree this life isn't free of diseases - it's just clear that I'm bulimic
    I feel that I have been with trouble too long and I deserve my space
    The blonde and skinny white female is all I can be to preserve my race
    Return and face facts?? I'd never run into the same brick wall twice
    Since I've been stood up for being too fat, yet guys try acting all nice
    The fact is obesity's deadly, I'd rather be alive - starving at 80 pounds
    Than become a glutton on the scales of life that can't weigh me down
    Let them portray me how they want - I know that the real me is fake
    I break away from feelings, but in time I'm hoping my feelings don't break
    Like chains without steel...I'm stuck mettling within the factory metals
    I feel bad recieving awards that belong to someone who actually medals
    Happily mental, but sadly I don't remember why I took on their advice
    A classic example of a broken-hearted teen spirit looking for her paradise

    *TV turns off*

    Another bad deed done. I am Satan, so what can they expect from evil?
    A drug addict trying to be popular, big girls throw up as they're tired of it
    A perfect combo for today's job, tomorrow leads to another set of people
    And I can't wait for it, I love making people products of their enivroments

    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  2. #2
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    31
    Posts
    14,916
    Battle Record
    15-0
    Last edited by Mariah; February 17th, 2008 at 10:15 PM
    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    UK
    Age
    35
    Posts
    20,486
    Battle Record
    37-7
    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins

    Re: Who Am I?

    Hmmm...

    Overall it was good, it had an easy flow to it, stretchy lines but they didn't really hinder the readability so I won't nitpick on such small things.....I liked the range of the vocabulary, there were some good lines that stood above the rest but the rest wasn't bad either. I wasn't so sure about that medal line, a person can't medal, they can however meddle....but people hardly get awarded for meddling...I could be wrong and missed a play on words there however.

    Overall, it was a good read. Good work.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  4. #4
    The Hip-Hop Hercules
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Emerald City
    Posts
    188

    Re: Who Am I?

    wow, how is this being slept on? anyways i liked it a lot. it was easy to follow along because the flow was mean, vocab was there, message was good as well. a few parts stood out more than others but overall it was dope
    d.n.|h.p.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Da Surgeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    on a bball court
    Posts
    73
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: Who Am I?

    "Every earth has a secondary; boys from Jupiter and girls from Mars
    And every heart has proportions while I hide them to reveal my scars"

    this is tha kinda shit i luv...
    Da Surgeon cuz I knife thru tha D & lane like Im knifin thru yo game and when Im done breakin u down wit ma handlez u gonna need surgery on dem anklez cuz I'll cum at u frum all diff. anglez

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! the_origin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    West Philly
    Posts
    110

    Re: Who Am I?

    love the flow and the vocab. overall nice read
    notice when i'm posted and feed me when u see me

  7. #7
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    31
    Posts
    14,916
    Battle Record
    15-0

    Re: Who Am I?

    LOL thanks.
    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  8. #8
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    31
    Posts
    14,916
    Battle Record
    15-0

    Re: Who Am I?

    wow fuck.
    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  9. #9
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    NC
    Age
    33
    Posts
    12,904
    Battle Record
    14-18
    Awards OM HOF PC HOF

    Re: Who Am I?

    yeah word this is the usual mariah pluses some witty lines and some good emotion and this one carried a message in it that was nicely added and not forced, i loved you choice of words and yeah just a surgeon pointed out that bit about revealing your scars was VERY nice good drop

    could you leave3 feed on this
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361504

    AI

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  10. #10
    Comeback Season Mariah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    31
    Posts
    14,916
    Battle Record
    15-0

    Re: Who Am I?

    once more? please cmon.
    Wu-Tang Forever
    Nothing Was The Same

  11. #11
    Ass status_unknown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    N.C
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,664
    Battle Record
    65-15

    Re: Who Am I?

    This was ok. You could have been more in-depth though. The content was good, but the imagery wasn't as good. Although you did have great emotion and some creativity which kept me reading, so props on that. Just work on adding more details and shit and your writtens would be nice. Keep writing.

    peace..

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  12. #12
    DO WORK' RMONEYYY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    603'
    Age
    31
    Posts
    184
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: Who Am I?

    nice flow, i liked this peice, you hadd good structure throughouttt,
    not to much to say bout about it, overall it was greatt,
    keep doin ya thing brahh

  13. #13
    forza italia! jookz.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    the bx/fla
    Age
    36
    Posts
    6,591
    Battle Record
    63-23
    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: Who Am I?

    This was cool, you kept a consistant flow through out your piece, although honestly this isn't my cup of tea fam. It got boring to me quick and I felt anloy of the lines were being drug out at an attempt to make an cohesive though. Despite my feelings on a professional level this was an really nice piece, although the looking glass - self concept has been well over due..you still managed to pull off an great piece and any artist that can do that gts an two thumbs up from me.

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Jersey
    Age
    37
    Posts
    308
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: Who Am I?

    mal-dramatic would be a compliment for this piece, i thought your imagery was jus fine, sometimes a little confusin, forced maybe. simplicty is needed in all pieces because writing must always be communicated to the reader or it defeats the purpose of poety or rap, its a lot easier for you to understand because you choose the vocabulary and word placement for distinct reasons. you have a unique tone and i can sense the feminine tone. i lost direction every now and again, but to write a piece soley on a picture limits you let alone a topic in general, so you get props regaurdless, over all for its depth and style i would give it a 9/10 but for flow and word play maybe only a 7/10, i can dig it

  15. #15
    forza italia! jookz.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    the bx/fla
    Age
    36
    Posts
    6,591
    Battle Record
    63-23
    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: Who Am I?

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-362018.html - hate to bug just want some input thankz

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •