Topic: Watching A Loved One on Their Death Bed
20-40 lines
due in 3 days.
house rules.
Topic: Watching A Loved One on Their Death Bed
20-40 lines
due in 3 days.
house rules.
On the wings of maybe..
check. smiley checked in our bitch slapped thread............................................ .......
On the wings of maybe..
Should be interesting. See you in a couple of days with the verse.
<center> <table style=filter:glow(color=yellow)>
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
</center>
</table> </center>
why do topicals always have these long ass times to drop a simple ass verse...............
-500 posts for freeposting. -feeble
THE FAMILY.
Maybe it's because there's more thought involved in it.
<center> <table style=filter:glow(color=yellow)>
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
</center>
</table> </center>
verses?
Watching a Loved One on Their Dying Bed
Incandescent rays of light illuminate a windowless room
There’s no shadow to haunt the taunting silhouettes of gloom
Drawling petals off the bedside table dance on air, then fall
Scrawl meaning on misdemeanor, provoking my withdrawal
My eyes fall from his face to the tidy place where I trace my steps
I contest contempt but accept the past tense… and yet
I wonder…
‘How many more years must I walk the same path to say I’m sorry?’
I grasp the bedpost like the concept I’ve failed to reach
Impeaching myself, choking the thoughts ‘till they couldn’t breathe
And suddenly, I release and fall to my knees as my heart falls harder
“How the fuck did I do all this to my own father?”
His face is peaceful, but how am I to know the pain he’s in?
I only beat him, stabbed him, and smashed his fucking skull in!
Lord, forgive me of these sins, be the father that I can’t have
I’ve prayed and pleaded, PLEASE bring him back!
The clock mocks my every move; it’s been stuck at 6:00 for days
I wish I had the hands of time to never make mistakes
I press my tear stained face up against his chest
His heart is beating, pleading with machines that never take a rest
I detest fate, traits of an insane maniac drive me
To the point where I’m ripping out the I.V so that the liquids may blind me
If Daddy could see me now, would he smile… or not even budge?
The time has come… “Fuck it.” I say… as I pull the plug.
On the wings of maybe..
Concept: Watching a loved one on their death bed. (I wrote this from the point of view of watching your loved one in the hospital on their last breaths.
Can't believe you're laying there,
my tears are streaming faster than my thoughts are..
my thoughts running a million miles per hour after your spirit
trying desperately to latch on to your fading image
afraid to let you go, I'm standing motionless staring at your pallid face
all that I can see on it is a reflection of our better days
the time when we first met & when we shared laughs together
and the time when we both said we'd stay conjoined forever
it's the memories I think of that make me start to tremor
& though you've aged with the illness....
.. it's also the memories your face evokes....
............. that make it now more beautiful than I can remember
see the truth is that my heart's trapped in an emotional blender
as I'm helplessly sensing you fading away like leaves in september
So here I am, a healthy young man, not even 22
yet at this very moment, baby, a piece of me is dying to
looking at you, then back to your heart meter in a frenzy
I feel that part of me that existed with you, slowly slippin from within me
Afraid to let go, I don't even know how to begin
gone with the wind,
watching our spirits drift away till the day we meet again
<center> <table style=filter:glow(color=yellow)>
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
</center>
</table> </center>
this was nice.
Unreal:your verse was nice,could have kept some of the cursing out but it was good.it had real nice imagery,and some very good vocab.i was really feeling it,especially at the end because it took me by surprise.flow was decent,in some spots flow got a little off.
Smiley:your verse was good also,but imagery wasnt there..you had basic vocab.flow was decent,just like unreals,your flow kind of drifted in some parts.
but my vote goes to unreal for having a verse that i could actually imagine in my head,that i could believe i was actually there watching.
good job to both
IM FRESHA THAN A MUFUCKA,YEA IM A MUFUCKA
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
comment deleted, do not provoke the voters. -feeble
<center> <table style=filter:glow(color=yellow)>
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
</center>
</table> </center>
Bump.............................................. ..................................................
On the wings of maybe..
Obviously u neva wrote a topical in yo lifeOriginally Posted by ~ladie_streetz~
so dont comment on it....
takes skills and thought 2 drop a good piece
i can tell u dont take no time in yo garbage
Written Voices
.
ThE DiENa$TY
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
Unreal:your verse was nice,. nice imagery, very good vocab.i was feeling it,had a nice closer..had a steady good flow 2 it...which keeps the reader intrested ..nice drop
Smiley:you had no imagery...u werent tellin a story really...u was jus rappin
i wasent really intrested 2 see wha ya next line was gone be...work on capturin
the readers attention
mv vote//Unreal
Written Voices
.
ThE DiENa$TY
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
I don't give a fuck if this is swaying, but yall are gay as fuck. Yeah, I wasn't telling a story. I wasn't detailing how a person watching someone they love dying on their death bed would feel. Shit's unreal. Throw in a bunch of vocab mixed with garbage, forced half ass attempts at imagery, and you get votes.
<center> <table style=filter:glow(color=yellow)>
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
</center>
</table> </center>
Hey man I was just writing. I don't have a particular style, I just do it, and if people like it that's their decision. Don't take this so seriously, music should just come from the heart...
On the wings of maybe..
Posting Rules
