Re: Stay true or stay skinny
zany & complain freak - two words that struck me as nonpoetic in a way and kind of took away from the piece. otherwise it was cool, i liked how you used common phrases, ie, peaks and valleys, sex in candyshops. the piece was fluent and flowed well, but those two words i pointed out seemed to make it stumble a bit. i got a few messages from a few different stanzas, the title made me think of honest music/art vs popular music/art, and this part helped that image as well
new, new age pop art syndicates (i liked the word syndicates here, made me think of pop art = evil. at least syndicate has a negative connotation to me)
kings of rock that can't play instruments
stay true or stay skinny
the rest i felt like was a coming of age a little bit, "funny how cluelessness could come in handy" naiveity, idk i got a cool vibe from it though, im trying to combine the two ideas i saw in it, and ill think about it for a bit longer, but right now i just wanna let you know i read it and enjoyed it, and drop some feed
Re: Stay true or stay skinny
wow i think the endings mah fav. part , "love stinks & poetry heals" wow classic, keep it up man, overall well written poem
Re: Stay true or stay skinny
I thought there were several good ideas in this.. Only a couple of times was I disappointed in your word choice.. like here for an example.
"life can be such a cruel sport
desensitized by brew and brandy
no longer dreaming of sex in candyshops" ( I liked the first line, but really wasnt feeling the next too.. I wasnt really feeling the connection with those lines and the rest of your drop)
My favorite part.. "can you see the sounds
mounds of problems cause peaks & valleys
acoustic shadows make it hard to track me" ( I thought that part was really ill.. loved the acoustic shadows line... really tied in well with the mounds of problmes cause peaks and valleys)
nice drop man and thanks for all the feed in my joints, I really apreciate it.
pz
