Head High

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=autZufInfMo

I have a dream that my mind would arrange,
then my life-will then stray from stifling chains,
but all I recite is my ways, and inside it's not sane,
it's as silent as taste cos I feel that I'm dying today,
but today is the day to say that "my life will all change!"
& in my head i'm puttin' fire in rain; quietly strained,
the 'tyrant's away; in the cockpit now & I'm flying away!
taking a flight racing at night, just pacing the sights,
& I'm going the world over just to say it's all-right.
yeah it's alright.. but that doesn't make it alright,
I can't even make up my mind taking my time!
but places I ride to are never comparing to my room,
all I miss is my mother, fuck it, I'll say it-- I love her.
but if I don't make a change, she'll make arrangements,
and that's a pain if I never truly get to say it!
this is a revelation, head high w/ no medication,
no dead eyes, just relaxing letting better days in.
It's alright. I'm better changing.







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http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...92t-mad-at-you
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...496559-twisted

Love it and the style you wrote too I feed off you. Your grammar and how you lay out your lines to show the flow I need to study more. But you already know your talented and I do apprecaite all your feedback and help.

Are you recording this or is it something you can spit out loud? I'd like to hear how you caught it, because I caught a flow on it my first read through. I might have messed up reading words, but only a few. And the flow I had was hitting it dope. I'd be interested to hear how you spit it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nahlidge

Are you recording this or is it something you can spit out loud? I'd like to hear how you caught it, because I caught a flow on it my first read through. I might have messed up reading words, but only a few. And the flow I had was hitting it dope. I'd be interested to hear how you spit it.

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I'll hit up the recording studio my friend has and record it sometime, I did a finished version to this 12-16 more lines in it, turned out fresh. Thanks, Nahlidge.

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As far as how I wrote it/spit it? Just went with the beat, a little faster than the metronome on a serious delivery w/ emotional emphasis on the rhymes

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by A Disciple

Love it and the style you wrote too I feed off you. Your grammar and how you lay out your lines to show the flow I need to study more. But you already know your talented and I do apprecaite all your feedback and help.

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danke <3

sorry it sounds personal so i won't nitpick anything like a regular verse. you had plenty of great rhymes and imagery. i'm not a big fan of repetition of words though, at one point i was cool with it, it's a valid poetic device but to me, because shitty music emphasizes repetition sooooo much that i've gone the complete other way on it, to me it's as bad autotune for being overdone. however you repeated words but not repeatedly, so don't mind my pet peeve lol. nice verse.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trajik

sorry it sounds personal so i won't nitpick anything like a regular verse. you had plenty of great rhymes and imagery. i'm not a big fan of repetition of words though, at one point i was cool with it, it's a valid poetic device but to me, because shitty music emphasizes repetition sooooo much that i've gone the complete other way on it, to me it's as bad autotune for being overdone. however you repeated words but not repeatedly, so don't mind my pet peeve lol. nice verse.

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thanks @trajik , feedback is feedback, all good.

but today is the day to say that "my life will all change!"
& in my head i'm puttin' fire in rain; quietly strained

This bar right here was really well written. fire in rain was very poetic. great imagery.

Overall this piece had a good flow and was well written. I felt like it started off great and tailed off a bit towards the end but thats not to take away from how well written this piece was. Keep at it brother

7/10

Amen Bro!

Smooth vibes Cody! I think the progression went well and the rhymes were packed with internals and good count with the instro which also fit nicely. Definitely record it if you get a chance, felt like some of the wording couldve used a little tightening for a more natural roll off the tongue but as it stands it was well written and had some motivating content, without relying too much on a conceptual product.
Good read keep it up!

@Bumble B @_Lyrics thanks guys

Solid drop fam.

Really dug the beginning

Not feeling this part

I can't even make up my mind taking my time!
but places I ride to are never comparing to my room


I have a dream that my mind would arrange,
then my life-will then stray from stifling chains,
but all I recite is my ways, and inside it's not sane

Showed some double up rhymes, good Shit.