Tears On Her Pillow

http://m0.fank.ru/d/p/40/87/4087/Tears_On_My_Pillow.jpg

she's hurt and confused, constantly putting up with the abuse.
in her eyes, he's the beast with no heart... she's the food.
tried to share the news with people, but she keeps freezing up.
lips sealed and mind cuffed, but forever the thought of his touch...
just crawls on her skin; over and over again like a horror flick.
him forcefully kissing her lips, and working his way to the hips.
she just wants to forget about it, but it all replays in her mind.
such a feeling inside you can't define, unless you walk the line.
late nights tossing and turning, she barely sleeps a night away.
but it won't be long until her prey comes in, so she just prays...
maybe he won't this time, but that's asking a lot- isn't it?
that's when the door cracks open again, and he slithers in...
another night with no sleep, another touch by the beast.
"why are you in here next to me?", he just softly rubs her cheek.
then he leaves the room when he's done, her stomach hurts.
in the bed aching- crying in her pillow and whispering words.
she can taste her tears on the fabric- salty and so sweet.
the words repeating, "God, why does this have to be me?"
this little girl is seven years old, HAD a 'heart made of gold.'
SHE was my sister, the beast was my dad who turned it cold.





this is a 'short story' based on what my sister went through as a kid.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...721/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...682/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...793/index.html

Quote:

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she's hurt and confused, constantly putting up with the abuse.
in her eyes, he's the beast with no heart... she's the food

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^^ like the multies and metaphore here man i can feel the emotion and connection between the woman and man

Quote:

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tried to share the news with people, but she keeps freezing up.
lips sealed and mind cuffed, but forever the thought of his touch...

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great example of both again those are my favorite parts
i was really feeling the begining the most thought just the way you started it off

voyce i could really feel the emotion in this drop i can get a picture of how the life style was this is your best piece yet imo man... keep it up
oh also i like how you structered it too no criq here man good job

can u feed the mislead couple aswell ?

thanks for the feedback.

i liked this.. i can feel the emotion/remorse for your sister.. but nothing seemed forced, or too angry to me.. just went together well.. its like i was you.. thats how good the imagery was.. the whole thing was just put together well

thanks for the feedback, BBB.

This was a very personal piece here, you did a good job with it overall, must have been kind of hard to write, the imagery was pretty good, flow and rhyme scheme could have picked up a bit more, maybe use more multis, but overall it was a pretty well written piece..


if you would, rtf here:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...855/index.html

thanks for the feedback, man.

yeah, it was a bit stressful, which is why it turned out to be so short. every Sept i stress it cause it was around this time a few years ago she broke the news to us. just a day i can't seem to forget, man.

Yeah that's rough bro, seems like a lot of girls/women who go through similiar things hold it back, as if they would be embarassed to tell anyone, which is sad.. I would imagine her getting that out to you guys took a bit of the weight off her shoulders, even though that is life long lasting pain she will have to deal with, I at times write about real personal stuff and it is tough, cuz you want to go really deep with the piece/song/etc, but the more you do that, the harder it is, but for us writers, its one of our outlets to get out the way we feel, so I'm sure writing this did you a little good as well, sorry to hear that happened to your sis though man, for real..

Wow, really like the metaphors and it's a powerful story. I really liked the "beast....food" metaphor (if that's what you'd call it). Also, makes it deeper cause you said it's true. Makes me sick that someone would do that to a 7-year-old.

That was really deep.
I actually pictured that in my mind really well.
Loved the lines 'Freezing up' - 'Mind Cuffed'.
The whole thing flows, great read.

That really was powerful, this one tugged at my emotions so much man. It must of been hard writing that. But you did an amazing job of it. Well done.