(my first Poem) Esacape-$Lil Saint$

Looking for a way out but when I Look I end up in the same Place
Trying to find a Way out of this Hate,sin and Discrim. Of race
Cant find that Path,im trapped up in the Way of Life in its own Pace
No Bars but it seems Like im Locked in,no way out of this Life
But its something Most People usually Take Lite
As I watch out my window See crime all around Me
Watching People Beaten with bats and Crumbled Building’s nothing but Debris
As I finally Escape Running not Looking Back
As my Feet Slam against the ground 1 at a time each Tap
As Im Running heading Nowhere I still remember in my Mind
About every night the Loud Noise’s as a big Bash

For a first its not as bad as mine was for sure. Poems usually get more personal in showing what is going on in the mind or heart of a poet. Imagery given to emotion is the name of the game. You said simply what you see and want to get away from. I liked how you described the actions happening and the scenery in which it took place. But you didn’t say much more about how that made you think, feel, see, or change. You just want to get away. I hope I was some help bc I’m new too

Tanks for the feed ,i'll add that To my upcoming if you have anything Put the Link down i'll give you some feedback
thanks tho,dude

Yeah Im strugglin too I'd appretiate it
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=427910

yo hmu im new on here and we should try 2 spit some good shit at these wanna bes

don't post in other people's threads unless you intended on leaving a reply...especially when it's over a year old.