Hey 143. Sorry this has been slept on.
Your language still amazes me. I didn't find this piece easy to understand on the first read,
but by the second it unfolded for me.
I especially love the pace you have in parts like this....
Quote:
Some say "I know it's fair" like these situations are shares
Bartered on creepy market secretly removing the lethargic
But the partitions are set, letting vetting actions impose tares
That directly dissect the harmless into hollowed compartments
Personally, I like the steps the words take, and the melody they make while walking that path of verse.
I can feel the build in the words, especially on lines like that last one on the above quote here.
I also admire the conviction in the voice telling the tale. It's not a showy (imo) voice, but a certainty that, just is.
I also like the wisdom. There's lessons in your writing. Not surface level but deep. And although I struggle at times
to put it all together at first glance, when it does come together it's an aha moment and I love the insight.
Quote:
Graining the texture so that relief is a blockage of barbed wire
Staining the willows like tar of car tires, friendly fellows are stained
Being of waning mementos crescendo on embers of garbed fires
And we watch it burn
The tone, not harsh, regardless of the descriptions, is imo graceful; what a wonderful juxtaposition, that cusp is inspiring to me.
Going back to pace, the bit above, '...and we watch it burn...' I love the timing of that, not just that but the words themselves.
I'm also a little blown away by the rhymes here. Especially the flips you're doing in the last stanza, the internals, multis, the music
you make with letters is a buzz.
VVV
Quote:
Fast learning that mast churning of glass curving is class scurvy
Bash nerving ass twerk mass merging down to a brash curtsy
And this dance hurting what was ask curbing a task spurting
As if the last wordings is a gash burping gas dirty to the vast worthy
When I look at certain phrases like
Quote:
...ballads falling on ears of cotton...
that makes me float. And there's more like that.
That particular phrase is centred around 'justice singing'.
I think that's golden.
I also like how you didn't let go of the wisdom until the outro's last breath.
Interesting writing 143. Once again, sorry for the late feed.
Always a pleasure delving into your mindset and spending some time there.
I always grow as a person around you. Not just because of your writing,
but also because of 'you' and your humble nature.
This piece has lessons in humility with the strength and faith of 300.
Great Read.
Thank you.