Divided Hill

http://i56.tinypic.com/e7mli1.png


life is full of contradictions, truths meant to be hidden
complimentary divisions, each endlessly different.
I've come to find that open eyelids throw a wrench in your vision
so compartmentalize your mind and ride this sensory fission

embrace the static
fade to blackness...

an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands
Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds
a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it
cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence.
the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest
reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes
as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message,
an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents.
then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to?
like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through
but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too
lost in your thoughts, cool breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you.
it's soothing, locked in this imagination chrysalis
masked in sacred wilderness - the magic of its innocence
passion at its simplest, stoned in a natural high
instead of questioning, you'd be posing answers to "why?"
but there's more than inspiration that these mountains can hide
the vagrancies of reality once you wander past the divide...

adjust to the haze
muzzle your gaze...

stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks
concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats.
the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash
but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash
to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps
like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas
LED is the future, son! the sun is the past
so keep your shutters collapsed - just in case some light might've snuck in the cracks
living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a mass
and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh.
you hunt for your next meal long as it's smothered in fat
and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back
amidst these sputtering facts, I didn't mention the streets
feel the piss-warm air as it carries the stench of disease
this is how life's supposed to be in 2011
business as usual in cubicles till you've pounded your head in
counting the hours and seconds until the final whistle blow
so you can sit in front of a screen till you forget why you're miserable...

I won't deny the silver lining that I laced in the sky
cuz to be honest, every "you" could be replaced with an "I"
yet I won't say it's a lie, my little hatred of technology
since many words of wisdom are mistaken for hypocrisy
I don't totally look down upon the progress of today
I just don't know how we'll afford it--or what currency we'll pay
but if you can move into the truth imbued in this vignette
you'll find a quiet so beautiful you'll be muted to thin breaths
so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know
cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown



links coming

Solid piece man, your rhymes are perfect
Rhyme schemes are epic,
Best part

Quote:

---

an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands
Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds
a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it
cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence.
the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest
reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes
as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message,
an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents.

---

Could you place check my first freestyle? thanks,

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...723/index.html

Wow Oatmeal, im almost at a loss of words here. This was impressive. Solid piece.

Quote:

---

stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks
concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats.
the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash
but you don't notice it - you're settled in a hustle for cash
to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps
like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas

---

^ This was dope right here. I felt a connection to this part right here. Good imagery you presented here.

Quote:

---

I won't deny the silver lining that I laced in the sky
cuz to be honest, every "you" could be replaced with an "I"
yet I won't say it's a lie, my little hatred of technology
since many words of wisdom are mistaken for hypocrisy
I don't totally look down upon the progress of today
I just don't know how we'll afford it--or what currency we'll pay
but if you can move into the truth imbued in this vignette
you'll find a quiet so beautiful you'll be muted to thin breaths
so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know
cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown

---

^ Very solid closing paragraph, to be honest i felt as if you had some hard feelings and/or tension built up into this part. This is the way closing lines/paragraphs should look like.

Bottom Line
You have a talent for imagery and emotion and I could tell throughout this piece. Your flow was solid, and for the most part your line structure was pretty even so you flow wasn't choppy. I enjoy reading your pieces man, they are always deep in thought. Good topic, haven't seen or heard a topic like this before and I thought this was a solid piece. Keep at it my man.

RTF:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...624/index.html

I'll drop some feed on this some time tonight..

Some great stuff here man. I think you've come to a point where every piece you manage to drop is HOF quality...real talk man. I'm not sure what the highlight of your verse was as I was impressed by most aspects of it. Firstly, your vocab was strong as usual. Your flow was tight and your rhyme scheme was on point.

Now onto the content itself... wow dope stuff throughout.

living the plight of a proton; you're stuck in a mass
and the further you float, the more the others'll laugh.
you hunt for your next meal long as it's smothered in fat
and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back
i could relate to this one, dope lines.

Your closing lines ...

so close your eyes and see the light of everything you didn't know
cuz half of every scene is seeing what isn't shown

now that hit hard...real hard. It's got truth behind it and a message as well.

And word at what you were talking about and the issue you were highlighting throughout. It didnt come across as played and i dont see this shit talked about often tbh although i wouldnt be surprised if it was, but the way you executed was like no other and what would distinguish your piece from everyone else's on the same concept and issue.

Good stuff and btw...nom'd.

This was the best I've seen you drop especially since it was against Kentish you droppenitnon manndopenessni can't honestly say much that hasn't been saint but the one thing or couple things unlined about it besides it's emotion was theninyellectual word placing really made a huge impact on the verse man and it stifled greatly in my head and two is the imagery very well displayed and touched up on man props on this nom worthy so w00t!

Rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...941/index.html

wow this is fuckin great.... amazing wording and vocabulary and it read perfectly
one of the best OM's i've read {i'm new so that aint saying much} but yeah really deep depiction of nature and the unimpeded progression of man... i can relate to this shit on so many levels, and i really can't find any flaws it's really dope....keep writin'... PROPS

Good drop

This was all pretty dope. The intro was a highlight.

Then I got to this part...

then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to?
like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through
but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too
lost in your thoughts, cool breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you.

... and I was like "Yeah!" out loud. Somebody's been workin hard, lol.

this rhyme really reflects the picture you used you got skillz man and a very relaxing rhyme skeeme thats good too see sometimes its refreshing peace

Quote:

---

life is full of contradictions, truths meant to be hidden
complimentary divisions, each endlessly different.
I've come to find that open eyelids throw a wrench in your vision
so compartmentalize your mind and ride this sensory fission

---

good vocab and wordplay for an intro

Quote:

---

an archipelago of clouds dot the air with a few islands
Lucy's in the sky and she's wearing her blue diamonds
a stream stumbles to a puddle so be careful to move by it
cuz when you hear it whisper you won't dare to abuse silence.
the cares of your youth lie in the water's rippled chest
reflecting the meadow in a ballet of silhouettes
as they sway and wiggle, stretching out their in-depth message,
an audience of grass bows in windswept crescents.
then you think next, what if you held the hopes that you used to?
like the mountains you'd conquer and the oceans you'd cruise through
but why stop there? you could even float to the moon, too
lost in your thoughts, cool breezes flee the slopes to cocoon you.

---

wow....great wordplay, flow, vocab...

it'd be a waste to quote a awhole OM but this shit has HOF on it..

good flow. good rhymes. good shit.
solid vocab and solid devices.