temple

i imagine the bravery
they say i have
is a quarter sized hole
at the very
bottom of my stomach.

you believe in miracles right?
then you too know
that delusion is delicious.
that's how you get them-
the holes.

i swallowed lies.

you're aching like me-
the fog you breathe
smells like defeat.
but in my case, it's different.
i can't be hurt
by what killed me once before.

I'm opened up and empty
like a cave.
but if i write this-
then it's true. And here I am;
dying in good faith. not because
she said she thought
i was stronger. but because
i don't know how much longer
i can keep dying.

today, i drove through mountains for hours
and hours.
my stomach holes filled
with snow and altitude.
i wanted to exhale the emptiness-
i wanted to be alright.
not so much great, or strong,
but at least fucking alright.
the small town dreams below
made me question
the drive.

I stopped at a burger king
and threw up clouds into the bathroom sink-
trying
to make heaven happen.
it didn't so i left.

There are things that no one knows about me
like my favorite dinosaur.
There are things that only those
who read my poetry know;
it's the Velociraptor.
i bet you have secrets
and holes in your stomach too.
you got em' because you don't want to hurt anyone.
you just want to be alright.
but alright ain't easy,
and bravery is just the emptiness
you've carried well.

i ask myself why i choose to swallow lies.

i blink and think it over,
and i can't explain myself.
i couldn't love because i wasn't.
i couldn't loved because i was too much.
i couldn't love because i wanted more.
i couldn't love because i couldn't kiss it.
i couldn't love because i am gloriously selfish.
all of these are valid but none of them are true.

the only thing i can be sure of
is that one day,
im going to stop dying.





http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...845/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...996/index.html

dear god.

Sick, damn good

at least fucking alright.

I read this outloud and it seems like it works best that way. Brian, it really has come to this - I think there needs to be a bigger outlet for poetry like this. You are one of few that are doing something with writing that is outside the scope of the poetry forums here. You're expressing something and saying something meaningful.
One aspect of the feedback and poetry I read here that is either hollow, at worst non-existent, is a prescriptive or teleological quality. You know, a meaning to it all. Poetic device for the sake of poetic device is usually the focus; other writers are catching on to non-sequiturs, double entendres, etc. but few are able to utilize for a purpose. Moreover, hardly anyone is writing like they mean it, or like they have something to say, or like if they weren't writing, something would be empty in their life. You, though, write because it's in you.
I have secrets too, I bury them in brackets and analogies, similes and insinuation. I keep them from loved ones and I can hardly live with some of them. Alright ain't easy.
I wish you had written this around the time I wrote "All the pretty and dead things". I'd like to write something with you, after atti and I manage something.
Cheers.

man this was amazazing!!!

seriously tho i love how easy this reads i mean it just glides for me i red this a couple days ago and i just ead again now and it just got better the second time around..this is the first piece ive read from you so i dunno your writing style so apologies if my feed back isnt up to par with every elses here lol.

ok so the imagery i got from this was cool i mean it was as smooth as it read if that makes sense. you did an excellent job capturing me man i really loved reading this poem....i paused to read it again.....great piece man simply great.

Quote:

---

she said she thought
i was stronger. but because
i don't know how much longer
i can keep dying.

---

Quote:

---

the only thing i can be sure of
is that one day,
im going to stop dying

---

i dunno i just loved those lines right there really stood out for me..again great piece

honestly this is the kind of poetry i hate feeding, cause i love it so much that i never feel like my feed will do it justice. but anyway, starting off you came strong (no homo) and you didnt let up thru the entire piece. now im not the best at analyzing poetry, i just know what i like and what i dont like. this was real, emotion, imagery, all of that was 100% spot on.

Quote:

---

i bet you have secrets
and holes in your stomach too.
you got em' because you don't want to hurt anyone.
you just want to be alright.
but alright ain't easy,
and bravery is just the emptiness
you've carried well.

---

that was written amazingly, so much truth to that and it hit me in a way. i love the way this piece feels, like it was written just for you but is still able to be so relatable to everyone else. nothing negative to say, this is hof easily, and i've seconded spoken's nomination..great drop neruda.

daaaaamn. thanks homies. i actually wrote this about two weeks ago, and then a storm shut down my computer so i had to rewrite it.

if you guys have any pieces you want feed to, let me know. and yeah MC Pineapple, i read all of my shit out loud as i edit it to make sure it sounds as much like me as possible.

Neruda, I really do thank you for reads like this, just gives me inspiration to try to write better as I should always be doing. There is nothing wrong I can say with this poem. A poem thats very interesting and gets you thinking and also very easy to read off the lips.

"you believe in miracles right?
then you too know
that delusion is delicious.
that's how you get them-
the holes.

i swallowed lies."

this part had me like wow. Simple and elegant at the same time.

"I stopped at a burger king
and threw up clouds into the bathroom sink-
trying
to make heaven happen.
it didn't so i left."

this part had me laughing for I can picture the dissapointment in the person's face

"i ask myself why i choose to swallow lies."

I ask myself the same question all the time.

In all this poem has all my praises and if I can nom it I will (don't know if I can because I haven't been here that long) well done.

well i've been away for a minute, sorting my spiritual side and life in general. Been off the blunt for two months as well and i have holes in my stomach too. I was really impressed with how coherent this was. The poem hit me with a bit of a reality check. There was so much trutj and honesty in it and as much as it was fuelled by personal experiences, it still had the ability to grasp the audience and feel universal.
Writing meaningful poetry is something i have been battling with off late but i am slowly finding my feet and this was motivating to say the very least. Thanks once again bretheren.