circles

we talk in the dark,
hiding our eyes
and the cracks
in our smiles.
they're forced, of course
so they begin
to chip away
at the shine we both had,
threatening to expose
the true thoughts
that encapsulated
a depressed spirit.

so we talked in circles
to avoid
getting to the end.
repeating history
even though
the pages were soaked
with misery.
we still re-read the books
hoping the ending
would be different.

but still they remain,
the words we say so often,
painted in my mind,
hoping that I've lost them.

Short and sweet. Liked the wording from start to finish. Had a solid vibe to it. Dark like Poe but without the story. I liked the last seven lines the most. Something about...

Quote:

---

we still re-read the books
hoping the ending
would be different.

but still they remain,
the words we say so often,
painted in my mind,
hoping that I've lost them.

---

really caught my eye. Though I feel like "we re-read the same books" would've given off a stronger message and reads better but that's literally my only complaint while reading this entire poem. Let's collab soon, bruv. Nom'd.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Johnny Omega

Short and sweet. Liked the wording from start to finish. Had a solid vibe to it. Dark like Poe but without the story. I liked the last seven lines the most. Something about...



really caught my eye. Though I feel like "we re-read the same books" would've given off a stronger message and reads better but that's literally my only complaint while reading this entire poem. Let's collab soon, bruv. Nom'd.

---

Thanks. I'll try to hit yours this weekend

Great writing, for what it is. Not my type of poetry - I'd call it an OM piece really - but well written anyway. I think taking some steps to either describe the characters or set a scene before just jumping straight into "we talked about xyz" would help a lot to draw me in and relate to the characters or situation.

"So we talked in circles to avoid getting to the end." - Best part. That's a really nice sentiment, I gotta applaud you that line.

we talk in the dark,
hiding our eyes
and the cracks
in our smiles.
nice wording here jukon. nice intro.
they're forced, of course
so they begin
to chip away
at the shine we both had,
these three little lines though don't follow suit like the first lot did. But hey, it's only my opinion and that means just that and nothing more.
threatening to expose
the true thoughts
that encapsulated
a depressed spirit. But I'm loving all this. Especially that last bit about the depressed spirit.

so we talked in circles
to avoid
getting to the end. Beautiful lines right here. There's magic in these lines. Clever wording that pulls heart strings.
repeating history
even though
the pages were soaked
with misery. Mmm, nice one. I like it.
we still re-read the books re-read comes off a bit hmm, bit meh'. I would have probably preferred just read.
hoping the ending
would be different. I like the deep nature of these lines.

but still they remain,
the words we say so often,
painted in my mind,
hoping that I've lost them.Yeah, nice ending Juke. Nice outro.


Jukon, I like this never ending story youre telling.
It's full of love and angst and misery and devotion and depression and so much more.
It's weirdly beautifully sad.
But that three sixty you talk of is gold.
The idea that it goes around and around and around again so it doesn't ever stop is breathtaking.
I really liked it.

Great Read

Thank you.

whats up jukon! This was an interesting piece here, i really like short line poetry, not a big fan of the rhymes but when there are only so many words to soak up it really lets me observe things more carefully. I really liked where this poem went, I think the going through the rounds relationship was a clear connection, definitely something many people have to deal with even though the love, or attraction maybe somewhat lost, both parties are fighting themselves to make it work, like a fucking circle thats turning more and more into a drain- lol. This topic though, makes the metaphors creep in my head.. in feel like there couldve been so many other circles to talk about and make connections to, eyes, maybe a ring, a door knob on the way out.. you know? or even examples of the conversations that just went back to the beginning. Oh man, i just wanted a bit more creativity to help push the topic over the edge, what a great topic for where you were going. it was a very nice piece of poetry fam, strong emotions and great narrative.

we talk in the dark,
hiding our eyes
and the cracks
in our smiles.
they're forced, of course
so they begin
to chip away
at the shine we both had,
threatening to expose
the true thoughts
that encapsulated
a depressed spirit.

Love how this stanza builds bit by bit. Starting from the crack in the smile to chipping away and ending with threatening to expose what's underneath. It's a nice build up and painted a great image.

so we talked in circles
to avoid
getting to the end.
repeating history
even though
the pages were soaked
with misery.
we still re-read the books
hoping the ending
would be different.

Love the concept of continuously going in circles to avoid having things come to an end. And I'm especially fond of the last few lines about the books. It's like trying to find any little difference in what's already been written hoping to find that one glimmer of hope that will chance the rest of the story. Beautiful.

but still they remain,
the words we say so often,
painted in my mind,
hoping that I've lost them.

Great closer that ties everything together perfectly, from falling apart to repeating that same vicious cycle and realizing you're stuck and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to escape it.

All in all, I thought this was a great piece. You told a story without having to go into too many details regarding what occurred. It leaves room for the reader to freely imagine what lead to these emotions to surface.

Wow. Really high quality work. The tone of the poem is seemingly somber, yet it reads with a rhythmic pacing that almost brings forward a sense of joviality, or rather a satirical slant; which I found broke the tension of the mundane setting of the narrative. I may be wrong, butt it felt like a personal poem in the sense it is rich with authenticity. It isn't understated, but also not overstated and needlessly dramatized. You have a strong voice, I look forward to reading more of your work.