Originally Posted by RaGeMoRe
I thought for a while what to say about this piece. I must have read it five times. See my problem was that i couldent find a connection with the topic, so I was very much afraid it could influence my judgement. But that is my personal problem. Now about your poem. While our styles are complete opposites i do respect the style and structure you are going for. I think you have mastered it quite well already and i am sure with practice (which you no doubt do) you will perfect it. Tha metaphores are very clean and clear. You seem to understand exactly what you want them to show and they do that. For my personal taste i do believe the only thing that is missing is a little bit of freedom.. but i am sure that your ideas of freedom and mine are completely different. Also from what i see you are 16 years old so there is still a long way ahead of you.. never stop growing. We may not see eye to eye about poetry but i shall always respect your work and leave my honest opinion. Just keep writing.