Once Upon a time...

Once Upon a time...

By James W.


As I pass through the glass
Into wonderland; I’ll…
Steal little boy blues horn
And play a song that makes
The old woman in the shoe
Reach down deep in her sole,
And sing a song that would
Tame the giant on top of the beanstalk
So Jack could steal the gold harp
And harmonize with the beat
Of the ocean so Poseidon
Is appeased and not sinking
Odysseus’ ship during his journey.

So he can walk through the garden
And trample Mary’s flowers
But to Mary is quite contrarily
Thinking “at least he missed
The lettuce patch.” So the…
Easter bunny can eat his snack
Before he treaded up the stair case
Into the dark castle where he took
The wrong turn into the kitchen.

He was found strapped to the table
Next to the gingerbread man
With a cook book laying next to
Their heads with a bubbling
Cauldron. The wicked witch
Is seen in the corner staring
Into the mirror with a face
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Who’s the sickest of them all?”

At the same time Snow White
Ate her last apple; sleeping,
And the Queen of hearts
Asked the King for a divorce
Saying that his full house
Is not enough to please her.

That her flush is not really
Straight it’s the same
As a 4 of a kind
That she fell in love
With Goldie Locks
Who is no longer a slave
Of the three bears
Because she was freed

By the sneaky Cheshire cat
Whose evanescent smile
Turned the brown bears grey
Scaring them away
So the Queen could come in
And sweep Goldie of off her feet
To a far away land so they can
Be alone and finally live
Happily ever after.

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please leave links with your feedback and I will rtf

I thought it was rather corny.. but it's was quality. My only major complaint was where you broke your stanzas and sentences, it obvious you were trying to keep it structured and tidy, but that made it really anti reader friendly. Other than those gripes, I thought it was good, and rather creative. Although, use of poetic devices such as similies/metaphors would make for a more entertaining read. I can't stress that enough, but thanks for writing this, quite interesting.

Hit up;
A Pawns Worth.

I have to agree with nath on this one, that it was a bit corny, and your break of stanza proved poor judgement also adding to which, 90% of this piece was basically pre-written by the movies/stories themselves...only slightly did u add your own spin to the stories minus the fact you creatively meshed them all into one fairytale on steroids..the idea was interesting, and creative however i just think you could of ran with this concept to really bring in some abstract wilde metaphores etc..and could of made this far better..it was good on a creative point..but the piece itself was lacking...

rtf.

ok this was a cool piece, played topic but i still enjoyed the read. the wording was pretty precise and the imagery wasn't bad. this seemed to much of a story though. the emotion was good and it was an overall pretty good read. nice job.