I dissed a fat chick from Alabama because she insulted a friend of mine

Sigh.

Alright, the lyrics are okay. It sounds like you've been text battling for too long bro. Because this badly needs a beat for it to be taken seriously.

You were probably imagining a beat in your head, and you probably not actually flowing to it. I can tell because of the way you rush your words in order to complete the enormously stretched line that would never fit a beat to begin with. Delivery was terrible. It literally sounded like you were reading off a damn screen and don't even lie to us and tell us that you were not.

This may seem harsh, and usually I'm pretty positive, but I absolutely HATE stuff like this because you think grotesque lyrics are going to make up for the huge lack of sonic skill that is required to produce a GOOD rap song. It takes time. I mean, it's super awesome you stood up for your friend. Kudos to you there - THAT is dope. And I totally get what you were trying to achieve here.

But a beat would have made it a thousand times more effective. Even if you're not flowing to it - you're going through the trouble to make a recording, why not have some background behind it?

My best advice is to keep working at it, because it sounds like you have some pretty impressive lyrical potential. The bars were GOOD - just nothing else about it was.

Keep dropping man. For God's sake, look at the forums and the countless producers with free beats and get you some. I apologize if it seems harsh, but I want you to grow.

Keep it up.