disarmed darkness ft. emily
I was a melting virgin,
Responding to his tenderness.
Licking written kisses,
and breathing out warm air.
With every loving letter,
sweet wonderment stole,
honeyed pain, filling my soul,
bringing blood to me, a ghostly poet,
I was…
...enchanted by the lyrics in his song.
Gliding over melodious seas,
he swayed with me.
He bedazzled every dream.
And seared my molten heart.
she was
built of wax.
tepid at the core.
melting from the breath
of my lips.
still I remain
tender handed
between her thighs.
the heat from between
thawing the heart
of a nonbeliever.
she painted hope
on my pale face,
even when the trail
went silent,
her whispers broke
the glass of the window pane
that I learned to
pray from.
emily
jukon
Re: disarmed darkness ft. emily
About time this got some food eh?
Now I haven't been into traditional poems in ages, I prefer some kinda blend of
straight keystyle with poetic undertones and devices.
That's another story tho, just letting you know where my rather clumsy attemtp at poem
intepretaion is coming from.
At first glance, this has a energetic, passionate vibe to it. I do find some of the phrases used to
here to serve as part characterisation and part sexual innuendo.
The first lines sets the mood with some effective depictions of what may come
off as yearning of some kind..
sweet wonderment stole,
honeyed pain, filling my soul
^^Nice
Then the ghostly poet\enhanced by lyrics\melodious seas sets a more mysterious vibe.
The second poem transitioned from the first with more of that erotic flavor.
Build of wax\tepid at the core was pretty cool imagery right there.
Tender handed between her thighs, resonate well with the melting virgin\tenderness
theme from the first verse also.
The rest was written tight, painted hope\pale face was another cool yearning reference.
Last lines was nice but kinda lost on me.
As far as poems collabs go, this was pretty tight. Your verses interwined well and
your poetic formulations felt naturally in place. I did really not get the "disarmed darkness" meaning here.
As said, I'm not that deep into standards poems so
the big picture was probably lost on me. Tho poems can be, for good or worse, vague and wide
open for different reading. Still, a tight drop no doubt.
Re: disarmed darkness ft. emily
Alright, as a collab, you two fit within each other's respective styles quite nicely. This isn't something you get to see all the time. The beginning and the response. The disarmer of the darkness, and the darkness.
Em,
sweet wonderment stole
honeyed pain, filling my soul --- that is the highlight line from you. Wonderful rhyme and flow and visual essence. I feel the push and pull, the chemistry between two people/things, the sexual innuendo that breathes a sense of tension and release throughout the words. Searing a molten heart is intriguing imagery, searing something that is already hot to begin with, I'm wondering at the implications.
Jukon,
You follow through with that same tension and eroticism. Seriously you two, get a room. Freaks. Nah, lol, this was more of what I expect from you Juke. That short line stop and go flow, a hard hitting rhythm, and the sense of her bringing belief to the darkness was a flavor I enjoyed. Of course I wonder who is the non-believer in the scenario from the window pane line. I simply look at it as you or the POV of your verse. She has shattered your ideas of belief, the place you learned to worship, changed your perspective of the stereotype style of traditional church worship.
Just like Conceptual, I'm not sure of the bigger picture here. Perhaps it's two people learning from each other. Darkness being disarmed by faith and light. She's enchanted by his song, a song of what I'm not sure. The tenderness of him, the honeyed pain... his pain, or her pain, or both? I almost seeing this playing out both ways. A sensual dance of healing that disarms them both.
You two write well together. Solid drop.