Untitled Poem

Holding an autumn leaf in my hand..
Noticing the reds and oranges melt into my pores
Breath circulating in me, until its fresh and new
I let the gust claw and tear at my skin
Until my veins float to the top..mortal and blue

Sometimes I feel blinded by the glorious flakes
Reflecting the sun's gentle light
Swallowing me into the frost's belly
Icicles hang mockingly from my bangs
Its frigid cold outside, but my legs are jelly.

The blankets of green offer me comfort
As the blur of pavement below me degrades me
Globe spins with little concern
The scowl of Mother Earth leaves me
Applying ointment to humanity's burn.

The morbid heat beats burns and blisters
Yet the proletariate dip into Earth's essense
Like it belongs to them truly
In the minds of mortals
The cycle plays out like an old movie

This was written very well, and i really liked the structure. It had a good flow with it and it stayed consistent in its own way. I take it that it was about the seasons, and I thought that was pretty cool.. nature poems can be real nice and refreshing and you did well with it, as some can get a little boring or played.. but you did well. Keep it up.
And can you please give feed on my short story "the room" if you have time ... it would be deeply appreciated

Yea..i'll check it out...more critique please.

Interesting. The vividness of the piece was nice. Though once or twice it seemed to struggle with that. The idea i dug. And the feelings that came with the piece wouild suggest you executed it. But i think at times, especially in the third and fourth stanza, you began to use metaphors/analogies that seemed to disconnect from the peice. Like

The scowl of Mother Earth leaves me
Applying ointment to humanity's burn.

Which didn't quite go. It seems too blatant. And no good build up to make it good. And the last two lines. Just seemed a bit over the top when the kind of mellowness and brooding (if that's the right choice of words) of the piece demanded something else.

Still, i thought it was a good piece. And i did like reading it.

that was actually pretty nice,
The blankets of green offer me comfort
As the blur of pavement below me degrades me
the condridiction here was great
also had some nice imagery

This was nicely done like everyone above me has siad but i didnt really catch the flow in this that much but it isnt a big deal at all. You did a good job but i couldnt find the meaning behind this poem.

another nice piece mac. the imagery stood out the most to me. structure was interesting, and im not sure if i liked it or not. and to be honest, i think this would be stronger without the 3rd and 6th lines rhyming. it just didnt seem to go with your whole scheme and took away from the meaning in my opinion. still well written and a good read though.

"Swallowing me into the frost's belly"

^I liked this line the most, very creative concept. good stuff

I'm sorry I just really don't know how to respond... it had some coo lines... just didn't really resonate with me - the summary of the four seasons was done pretty well - interesting little poem - keep at it - peace