Moving away

Today was a nightmare, my mind turning to air
hidden area, I don’t know where to go anywhere
everyday, i go and i cannot stop with these monsters everywhere
untill i tare what was not there, a wooden chair nowhere
to be found, when way down, on the ground and i pound
on the floor until i bled, with tears dropping in a flood of crowns
with the master frown to destroy his own town on an island down
this town of unspoken nouns that I say to destroy his own
when peoples emotionless, causing commotion in this fuckend town
it’s not my fault that i have problems Dad, you think that’s fair?
A mair that doesnt care, and does nothing, feeling with no care
i’m here alone in this darkness so dark, I couldnt see ma reflection
A twin of my self recollection when i’m down so now it’s okay, I’m moving motion
in a world unknown to me, but for me to discover these lands and ocean
all across the world, I see this girl, giving me the want to have a girl
and I just want to make the world a better place for my own pearl
for it to grow, but for now I’m torn apart into pieces thin and no girl
help me with my suffering, and get me out of this troubling place
maybe hide away from days of pain suffering for me to be okay
but I think it’s too late, my mind now filled with hate with no key to the gate
it’s lock away, my fate, so to say, my life is over with no way, just an empty fuckend case
but that’s okay, I’m moving away, too far to say, but atleast I wont starve my mind away
when times are fuckend hard
just another fuckend start


When days has passed away and unknown to say how it’s going today
Because depression finally caught up with everyday chores and I do no more
But today, I want to change my ways, because if I stay, only hate will feel hardcore
To the point where it boils down, and I would want to destroy everything I see
A bunch of pussies, a bunch of buildings, a bunch of fuckend historical blaspheme
But secrets relies in the mystery to reveal the story of a man in a fucked up history
But tomorrow I’m moving away
In a far away place to stay
And today I’m moving away
For tomorrow musing grace


links are gonna be comming tomorrow

hrrm its ok had a nice concept and some decent lines like:

i’m here alone in this darkness so dark, I couldnt see ma reflection
A twin of my self recollection when i’m down so now it’s okay, I’m moving motion

up.

can i plz get a feed, if u leave link, you will get my feed

Yea its a hard peice to comment on, I like the concept man it was dope, I found it very hard to get a flow to this peice. Some spots were good but other spots it seemed all over the place. I think its the same sort of situation with the rhyme scheme in this peice. Vocab coulda used some work too but it was a good peice overall to read. Keep at it man.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by antology

Yea its a hard peice to comment on, I like the concept man it was dope, I found it very hard to get a flow to this peice. Some spots were good but other spots it seemed all over the place. I think its the same sort of situation with the rhyme scheme in this peice. Vocab coulda used some work too but it was a good peice overall to read. Keep at it man.

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I think this is another one of those piece that would be dope on audio with a good beat and maybe a bit of working,.... but this only took like 2-3 hours- maybe 5 at max

Yea man id like to hear a couple of your peices on audio.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by antology

Yea man id like to hear a couple of your peices on audio.

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yea man, it will come, gonna be getting something set up really soon and im moving away too so it will help me get a job since i wont be living totally out of nowhere and away from society.... and i would like to eventually get a cd out with every song to be a surprised, ya know.... the shit i post here is gonna be for like buzz and stuff, free music, for untill i get a cd out with exceptional quality and im ready to go all out on this one.... and with rent that gonna cost only bout 120 a month to 160... im gonna have lots of time and money to buy equipement and time to practice writing and making beats ya know, might even take two years till im confortable with the amount of hype and shit and sell it in the states and canada at first, and if i do get a good response, next step is world wide ya know.... but it will be huge...

Im tryin to do the same thing man. Like the energy man

and eventually ill make a cd with songs already posted on the net and give them out on the streets

upppppp

I like it except the beginning where it's kind of zig-zag flow then goes full. It's good though.