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Granted Life
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Granted Life
lying in piles of treasures, happiness here isn't measured
not consumed to relative purpose, just faced with the whenever
time doesn't define the days, tho vastly reminds us of age
beauty of wars are rooted in scores of scars in piled up bodies everyday
mile walks speaking not of futures, but to obtain water
sons are captured and taught to slaughter and rape their fathers daughters
we are the children of light, born into life of martyr
history defines us the dying breed, yet we never seen its author
mass population meltdown, villages are family members
drowned in a sea of rituals, praying to a god that cant remember
season nights cool and awake, full moons are its mistakes
hurricanes and tidal waves destroy and dissipate our many lakes
foreigners reign in coves, we disappear in droves
from sea to shining to sea, a melody of fear we've known
one of kind, sons of kings, daughters of queens enchanted
this isnt a nightmare to me, but true life which we've been granted
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Re: Granted Life
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Re: Granted Life
I'm feeling it Know, I love how you explained utter desolation throughout the entire peace but ended on a hopeful note. The emotion of hopelessness was prominent until your ending, I liked it, ever line delved deeper and deeper into the realities a lot of children not born in First world countries go through. Your flow was very except for a few lines seemed a biiiiit stretched, nothing wrong with that though. You had powerful language which left a vivid image in my mind, I was right there with those kids (donating my ten cents a day now) seeing the BS they live in daily, you painted a great picture. The only real downside to this is I was left wanting more, this was a dope drop browski.
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Re: Granted Life
This was a nice piece here. Short and cool.
Rhythm 9/10 Flowed good
Rhymes 7.5/10 Digging the multis out there
Emotion 7.5/10 Never really dug deep but it was there
Storytelling 8.5/10 I like the story in this, it was iight
Signifying 8/10 Metaphorical content was in abundance
Creativity 7/10 Nothing real creative
Rhythm/flow was the highlight of this piece. Tied in with quick storytelling, it was a light and good read.
Professor Frost stamps this OM with the second ProFro Official Review.
47.5/60
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Re: Granted Life
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Re: Granted Life
short and sweet here, I usually like my shit a little longer but you did well here.
mile walks speaking not of futures, but to obtain water
sons are captured and taught to slaughter and rape their fathers daughters
we are the children of light, born into life of martyr
history defines us the dying breed, yet we never seen its author
this bit caught my eye right here, I like the simplistic approach you took to rhyming isntead of the same ol, same ol shit, you don't need multies to put together a dope rhyme scheme.
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Re: Granted Life
@Dia
thanks for the feed fam. i appreciate it. glad u liked it.
