Alone she falls, together she stands

Alone she falls, together she stands
I handed her a knife to etch her
memories into the souls heart
& to taste her presence clearer
than the eyes care to speak.
she scratched a smile upon my
lips; then slit her name upon
my forehead so I would never
forget the words she spoke.
Torn garments, faded by years
of seconds passing her by,
Tinned by cans of beer
cutting into her livers with
conviction; lapping up the seas
with a tidal breath to the moon.
She is broken, yet not dead
Guided yet never led
Silence
Awkward as it may seem
the stare convinced me
she cared; a rose never
permitted to notice the light
so a vodka smile must
suffice for her taste buds.
She seeks good company
yet from only one she desires;
Stolen from her sunshine
she takes homage in shadows,
Pulse crying for closure
As she waltz’s across a
shattered floor of stone
unable to stand she falls
into the arms of safety,
sinks into the stomach
of a crimson sofa
I speak to her words of comfort
and vanish in the moment as
she smiles with eyes of serenity
Silence
Smoke clouds her vision
confidence shaken by those
who can never be named.
Beauty internal yet can never
be seen in its true light
by the cowards who dare
not look deeper than flesh.
Makeup hides the hurt for
at least another moment
counting down to tears
ticking the hours like
clocks in the sand.
Taking my breath away,
to good to die, yet afraid
to live; take my hand
I will follow you to
your rainbow, the colours
will blind your sorrow
& wash away the salty
tears with fresh waters
from waterfalls of refreshment

Vote= she'll want to shag you after this. lol.

I liked the way you tackled the old 'poem for a girl' subject man, you described her with complex metaphors which were still easy to take in and visualise. Your vocab was strong, came off as intelligent but not pretentious which is sometimes difficult to do. Your imagery was the strongest part of this piece. It drew me right in. The breaking up of the verse worked well as well. Deep stuff man.

Keep on posting geez.

Thanks man, appreciated.

Upping for sexual feed.

Upping

Poor Poeta, no feed :)

I fell in love with this piece to be honest. It may be because it was for a girl and dammit I happen to be a girl too. Cute piece. Very touching and the emotion was exploded all over this piece. The imagery was vivid and was enough to still satisfy the needs of the reader. I, unlike Johnny, didn't like the splitting up of verses, it seemed a bit boring and unnecessary, but overall good piece here Poeta.

btw (hit both if possible)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...l?goto=newpost
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rt-329089.html

Done one, i'll do the other later.

Upping

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mariah.

Poor Poeta, no feed :)

I fell in love with this piece to be honest. It may be because it was for a girl and dammit I happen to be a girl too. Cute piece. Very touching and the emotion was exploded all over this piece. The imagery was vivid and was enough to still satisfy the needs of the reader. I, unlike Johnny, didn't like the splitting up of verses, it seemed a bit boring and unnecessary, but overall good piece here Poeta.

---

Yeah, i understand, but as this was a personal poem to her, the *silence* was actually a part of us, it symbolises something, therfro it wouldn't make sense to anyone but us lol... I fi had wrote this for rb specifically i definately would have left that out, oh and thanks alot for the feed.

65 views, two pieces of feed, wow.

Upping.

I'll feed again :)

Lol, thanks for the offer!

Aww, you're cute.

upping

I reviewed this piece in the new PS Mag, check it out.

dude this was dope man if i was a female and happened to be this chick id let you fuck me like never before :hump: dope read bro the imagery was beyond vivid it was beautiful bro aswell was the message dude...you should read this to her man should bring a smile upon her face you'll be a chick magnet, the emotion painted a picture of a million bruv and was heart felt totally, the format was fine aswell was the wordchoice and vocabulary was a nice touch for this peace....was really loving this man it was from your heart and expressed toh concern,care,and love for a good friend straight from your heart

This was nice and simple, i could feel the words you used and the emotion involved, yoru wording was very nicely done here Poeta and the transitionin from lines and thoughts was smooth. You depicted events well, which made for some nice imagery, my one gripe is that I felt sometimes you tried to cram too many syllables and words into a line, the one that stood out to me is the last line of the piece. Good job though on this